WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:05.380 The thing with mind bugs is that they're not beliefs. They're just the eyes that you look through. 2 00:00:05.440 --> 00:00:11.599 Jung has this quote that says, until you make the unconscious conscious, it will determine your life and you will call it fate. 3 00:00:11.599 --> 00:00:15.644 Why don't you take a moment and do that right now? Close your eyes. Just be with him. Just hold him. 4 00:00:15.644 --> 00:00:20.045 Just be like, I'm so sorry you had to go through that. You are an incredible fucking father. 5 00:00:20.045 --> 00:00:22.925 It's lovely that you said that. Is it true that you made a mistake? 6 00:00:22.925 --> 00:00:29.180 I've made a lot of mistakes in my life. Is it an absolute truth that what you did was a mistake? 7 00:00:32.200 --> 00:00:37.340 What's up, everybody? Welcome to another episode of my podcast where I coach entrepreneurs 8 00:00:37.800 --> 00:00:38.600 on their business. 9 00:00:38.600 --> 00:00:43.765 We never know what we're gonna find, so we don't wanna don't wanna know what to expect, but we'll see where this goes. 10 00:00:44.164 --> 00:00:45.465 Today, I got Marco 11 00:00:45.844 --> 00:00:46.985 Sarenka from 12 00:00:47.445 --> 00:00:48.664 Luxembourg, Belgium 13 00:00:49.204 --> 00:00:50.504 on the show. Marco, 14 00:00:50.805 --> 00:00:51.305 welcome. 15 00:00:52.565 --> 00:00:57.144 Thank you for having me call me. So, yeah, tell people about tell people and me about 16 00:00:57.500 --> 00:00:59.899 your business. Where are you at? Where do you wanna be? What's your challenge? 17 00:00:59.899 --> 00:01:05.439 What what do we need to know? It's, it's really fresh, so, I'm I'm really in the startup phase. 18 00:01:05.820 --> 00:01:08.479 The name of the business is, Reclaim 19 00:01:08.780 --> 00:01:09.759 After Alienation. 20 00:01:11.020 --> 00:01:11.759 And it's 21 00:01:13.185 --> 00:01:18.005 it started on Substack, and that was based on a lot of journaling 22 00:01:18.465 --> 00:01:19.205 last years. 23 00:01:21.185 --> 00:01:28.485 So, the main idea is I had a few really strong coaches who changed my life. 24 00:01:28.950 --> 00:01:29.450 And, 25 00:01:30.310 --> 00:01:31.290 because I'm, 26 00:01:31.750 --> 00:01:33.850 unfortunately, an alienated dad, 27 00:01:34.590 --> 00:01:35.090 I 28 00:01:35.830 --> 00:01:42.570 know where I went through, and I know also that most problems we have as men, as 29 00:01:43.235 --> 00:01:47.015 as alienated fathers are more common than we actually think. 30 00:01:47.315 --> 00:01:48.295 So I wanted 31 00:01:48.835 --> 00:01:51.635 to build a system that could help those, 32 00:01:52.035 --> 00:01:55.175 yeah, guys who are now struggling, thinking they're all alone, 33 00:01:56.595 --> 00:01:57.095 feeling 34 00:01:57.395 --> 00:02:01.360 like somebody is pulling the carpet from, beneath their feet. 35 00:02:01.979 --> 00:02:03.360 And I just want to 36 00:02:03.899 --> 00:02:05.439 help, yeah, do something 37 00:02:05.979 --> 00:02:07.340 and really show them, look. 38 00:02:07.340 --> 00:02:12.319 There is another way, and it doesn't mean that your kids are taking away or you don't see them anymore. 39 00:02:12.805 --> 00:02:16.265 Mhmm. That your life ends here. You they're still you, 40 00:02:16.805 --> 00:02:17.865 and you can 41 00:02:18.165 --> 00:02:20.105 still be the best version of yourself, 42 00:02:20.485 --> 00:02:24.985 whatever the whole world is, telling you. Yeah. Got it. Okay. 43 00:02:25.285 --> 00:02:25.785 So, 44 00:02:26.960 --> 00:02:32.480 good work. So what so you're alienated from your kids. I get is it more than one one one child? 45 00:02:32.640 --> 00:02:35.620 Just one. Just one. One boy or girl? 46 00:02:37.520 --> 00:02:39.300 Excuse me? Boy or girl? 47 00:02:40.160 --> 00:02:42.240 It was yeah. She's a girl. So, 48 00:02:43.095 --> 00:02:44.715 Mhmm. And how old is she? 49 00:02:46.855 --> 00:02:48.795 Now she's 16 years old. 50 00:02:49.095 --> 00:02:51.275 Okay. And when when did the alienation 51 00:02:51.575 --> 00:02:52.075 happen? 52 00:02:53.974 --> 00:02:54.715 It started 53 00:02:55.174 --> 00:02:56.315 seven years ago. 54 00:02:57.480 --> 00:03:01.820 And then there was a little, cough virus which, screwed all things up, 55 00:03:02.280 --> 00:03:03.820 that didn't help exactly. 56 00:03:04.440 --> 00:03:04.840 So, 57 00:03:05.240 --> 00:03:06.220 It was what? Sorry? 58 00:03:06.680 --> 00:03:07.820 Yeah. That was COVID. 59 00:03:08.120 --> 00:03:09.180 So COVID. Yeah. 60 00:03:10.114 --> 00:03:14.754 No. Your first reaction is after being, really emotional. You go to court, but, 61 00:03:15.075 --> 00:03:15.575 COVID, 62 00:03:16.674 --> 00:03:17.174 messed, 63 00:03:17.795 --> 00:03:18.534 the organizational 64 00:03:18.834 --> 00:03:21.075 part of all those court cases up. 65 00:03:21.555 --> 00:03:25.850 Then, you know, when it finally came to court, we were a few years later, 66 00:03:26.390 --> 00:03:27.770 and the damage was done. 67 00:03:28.150 --> 00:03:30.010 Mhmm. I see. Yeah. 68 00:03:30.950 --> 00:03:31.450 And, 69 00:03:32.390 --> 00:03:36.095 well, the only thing I can say about this, in the beginning, 70 00:03:36.715 --> 00:03:39.935 you you blame yourself, but then afterwards, I'm I'm 71 00:03:41.115 --> 00:03:42.255 I've always been 72 00:03:42.715 --> 00:03:43.455 a a reader. 73 00:03:44.875 --> 00:03:46.015 Think I've read 74 00:03:46.475 --> 00:03:48.495 more than a thousand books in my life. 75 00:03:50.235 --> 00:03:50.735 So 76 00:03:51.410 --> 00:03:54.950 that's in combination with, yeah, training and coaching. 77 00:03:55.489 --> 00:03:56.950 I started asking questions, 78 00:03:57.250 --> 00:04:04.150 started figuring things out, and then you come to the realization at a at a given point that, okay, somebody's 79 00:04:05.075 --> 00:04:07.815 okay. Let me stop you here because I'm I'm noticing a pattern. 80 00:04:08.275 --> 00:04:09.015 It's very 81 00:04:09.394 --> 00:04:09.894 common, 82 00:04:10.834 --> 00:04:11.334 where 83 00:04:11.955 --> 00:04:16.375 you sometimes you say I about the stuff that happens, and then you jump into saying you. 84 00:04:16.834 --> 00:04:19.654 So then when this happens, you blame yourself, 85 00:04:20.190 --> 00:04:25.970 which is just as a subtle subtle language thing where we're not taking full ownership of our experience. 86 00:04:26.590 --> 00:04:30.850 Oh, good. It's just something to be aware of and just notice and and and just 87 00:04:31.150 --> 00:04:31.970 talk I 88 00:04:32.735 --> 00:04:34.175 the whole time. It changes. 89 00:04:34.175 --> 00:04:41.855 It's it's it's one of those, like, little subtle things that, like, changes how we feel about, you know, how connected you are to what you're saying. 90 00:04:41.855 --> 00:04:45.635 So Oh, indeed. Indeed. No. We oh, I am perceived. 91 00:04:46.655 --> 00:04:47.395 No. So 92 00:04:48.240 --> 00:04:49.860 first, I I blame myself, 93 00:04:50.240 --> 00:04:54.580 but then afterwards, I, you know, I threw myself in there, digging, 94 00:04:55.360 --> 00:04:58.980 then you find out then I found out, okay, 95 00:04:59.520 --> 00:05:01.380 this wasn't completely, 96 00:05:08.375 --> 00:05:09.515 how do you say it? 97 00:05:11.175 --> 00:05:14.475 The logical way how things should have happened. 98 00:05:15.255 --> 00:05:15.755 Mhmm. 99 00:05:17.540 --> 00:05:20.680 What is that? So what wasn't the logical way it should have happened? 100 00:05:24.420 --> 00:05:25.240 In alienation, 101 00:05:25.780 --> 00:05:26.600 there is 102 00:05:30.875 --> 00:05:34.575 there's a general path where it starts really subtle. 103 00:05:35.275 --> 00:05:36.335 Mhmm. And 104 00:05:36.875 --> 00:05:39.295 it's, it's like a little snowflake 105 00:05:39.915 --> 00:05:44.335 starting to roll and becoming bigger and bigger. So first, it starts with 106 00:05:45.949 --> 00:05:48.690 getting certain messages through your kids, 107 00:05:50.510 --> 00:05:51.410 about you, 108 00:05:52.750 --> 00:05:56.850 little Wait. Let's go back to it saying I. So what happened for you? 109 00:05:57.710 --> 00:06:03.325 So I I got I got those messages, I was just talking about and were, those 110 00:06:04.185 --> 00:06:05.565 little, big statue 111 00:06:06.425 --> 00:06:08.925 and that Me and me. At me. 112 00:06:09.544 --> 00:06:15.850 I'm sorry. I'm No. No. It's totally fine. Hey, Marco. I love you. You're I I get the the 113 00:06:16.630 --> 00:06:20.490 the I I totally empathize. I have a similar story, so I totally 114 00:06:20.790 --> 00:06:22.410 feel your pain around this. 115 00:06:22.710 --> 00:06:26.630 And I'm not coming from a place of trying to criticize you or make you wrong. 116 00:06:26.630 --> 00:06:29.130 I'm just really inviting you to 117 00:06:29.535 --> 00:06:30.035 to 118 00:06:31.615 --> 00:06:36.355 make the habit of speaking in I because it's gonna change how you relate. 119 00:06:37.135 --> 00:06:40.835 Okay. Don't feel don't feel like it's judgment or criticism. It's it's 120 00:06:41.135 --> 00:06:41.635 really 121 00:06:42.655 --> 00:06:43.315 the opposite. 122 00:06:46.500 --> 00:06:46.740 So 123 00:06:47.380 --> 00:06:47.880 okay. 124 00:06:48.420 --> 00:06:49.480 I started noticing 125 00:06:50.180 --> 00:06:50.680 little, 126 00:06:51.060 --> 00:06:52.680 little patterns, little remarks, 127 00:06:53.140 --> 00:06:55.400 but those, remarks became bigger. 128 00:06:59.805 --> 00:07:01.345 Certain events happened. 129 00:07:02.365 --> 00:07:05.105 I don't wanna go too far into detail. Mhmm. 130 00:07:07.165 --> 00:07:08.705 But, yeah, situations 131 00:07:10.845 --> 00:07:12.225 got way bigger 132 00:07:13.050 --> 00:07:14.270 than they should have, 133 00:07:15.050 --> 00:07:16.190 been. And 134 00:07:18.010 --> 00:07:18.970 in this kind of, 135 00:07:20.090 --> 00:07:22.250 especially heavy emotional loaded, 136 00:07:22.730 --> 00:07:23.230 separations 137 00:07:23.690 --> 00:07:23.930 and, 138 00:07:24.730 --> 00:07:25.230 discusages, 139 00:07:25.930 --> 00:07:27.470 between me and my ex, 140 00:07:28.115 --> 00:07:31.175 And I think everybody who went through such 141 00:07:31.795 --> 00:07:32.455 a thing, 142 00:07:32.915 --> 00:07:34.215 will recognize that, 143 00:07:35.475 --> 00:07:35.975 reason 144 00:07:36.595 --> 00:07:37.095 quickly, 145 00:07:37.715 --> 00:07:38.215 disappears. 146 00:07:39.155 --> 00:07:39.655 And 147 00:07:40.170 --> 00:07:41.150 the moment 148 00:07:41.850 --> 00:07:42.350 you 149 00:07:42.730 --> 00:07:45.150 or I got into that phase of 150 00:07:45.610 --> 00:07:46.750 reacting emotionally, 151 00:07:48.810 --> 00:07:51.870 things become really difficult. And you 152 00:07:53.355 --> 00:07:53.855 you 153 00:07:54.715 --> 00:08:00.255 or as a as the person who's feeling targeted, so in this case, me, I, 154 00:08:03.755 --> 00:08:04.715 reacted more, 155 00:08:05.035 --> 00:08:07.375 from, from an emotional way. And 156 00:08:07.915 --> 00:08:08.415 Mhmm. 157 00:08:08.750 --> 00:08:09.570 Yeah. Then 158 00:08:10.670 --> 00:08:12.370 I didn't think straight anymore, 159 00:08:12.910 --> 00:08:15.490 and that wasn't really help helping my case. 160 00:08:17.950 --> 00:08:19.410 Okay. Then came COVID. 161 00:08:19.710 --> 00:08:21.890 Then you I got the message. 162 00:08:22.430 --> 00:08:22.930 Look, 163 00:08:23.790 --> 00:08:25.414 I I don't wanna comment anymore. 164 00:08:27.155 --> 00:08:27.655 And, 165 00:08:29.235 --> 00:08:32.375 after that point, it was legal battle. COVID, 166 00:08:32.995 --> 00:08:34.515 postponed legal battle, 167 00:08:35.235 --> 00:08:36.615 all kinds of investigations, 168 00:08:39.840 --> 00:08:40.660 which puts, 169 00:08:41.120 --> 00:08:42.580 like, puts me, 170 00:08:43.120 --> 00:08:43.600 under, 171 00:08:44.320 --> 00:08:45.860 what do you call it? A loop. 172 00:08:46.560 --> 00:08:47.300 So I 173 00:08:47.760 --> 00:08:48.560 had the feeling, 174 00:08:48.960 --> 00:08:52.500 every move is watched, every everything I'm doing, 175 00:08:53.040 --> 00:08:53.540 every 176 00:08:54.925 --> 00:08:57.745 choice I I make in my life is is being scrutinized. 177 00:08:58.685 --> 00:08:59.185 So 178 00:09:00.925 --> 00:09:02.464 even if it's not 179 00:09:04.365 --> 00:09:07.024 meant to do that or to to bring 180 00:09:07.565 --> 00:09:09.904 this effect in you, it does happen. 181 00:09:10.260 --> 00:09:15.160 And I found also back in in a lot of, literature around this topic 182 00:09:16.260 --> 00:09:17.540 that this is a general, 183 00:09:18.500 --> 00:09:19.640 phenomenon happening. 184 00:09:21.380 --> 00:09:23.160 Getting the the feeling that 185 00:09:25.495 --> 00:09:30.395 you, I was watched. You were watched as a as a father going through this process. 186 00:09:32.455 --> 00:09:34.715 And it takes a really heavy emotional, 187 00:09:35.575 --> 00:09:36.075 toll 188 00:09:36.660 --> 00:09:37.399 upon a 189 00:09:37.740 --> 00:09:38.240 person. 190 00:09:38.579 --> 00:09:39.880 Watched for what? 191 00:09:40.420 --> 00:09:43.459 Like, for you to make a mistake so that could be used against you? Or 192 00:09:46.899 --> 00:09:48.440 that was the starting point. 193 00:09:49.645 --> 00:09:50.145 Mhmm. 194 00:09:50.525 --> 00:09:51.825 But then there was, 195 00:09:53.005 --> 00:09:53.885 a moment where 196 00:09:54.605 --> 00:09:56.945 how should I say this? It starts 197 00:09:57.325 --> 00:10:00.225 trickling over into other domains of your life. 198 00:10:01.085 --> 00:10:01.985 So I noticed 199 00:10:02.445 --> 00:10:02.945 afterwards, 200 00:10:04.880 --> 00:10:06.900 I became more anxious at work. 201 00:10:07.520 --> 00:10:08.180 I was, 202 00:10:09.200 --> 00:10:11.140 feeling more nervous to make mistakes. 203 00:10:11.760 --> 00:10:15.120 Mhmm. And then the snowball is, is getting bigger and bigger and bigger. 204 00:10:15.120 --> 00:10:20.885 And before you know it, it's, yeah. Mhmm. It's one hell of a ride, but not a not a pretty one. 205 00:10:21.505 --> 00:10:25.665 Yeah. So tell me a little bit about, like, what was it like being Marco growing up? 206 00:10:25.665 --> 00:10:27.845 What was your what was your family life like? 207 00:10:29.904 --> 00:10:31.125 That's a heavy question. 208 00:10:36.220 --> 00:10:37.440 I think in short, 209 00:10:37.980 --> 00:10:38.960 really chaotic. 210 00:10:39.980 --> 00:10:40.480 Mhmm. 211 00:10:41.900 --> 00:10:45.840 In that sense, I've seen a divorce of my parents, 212 00:10:46.175 --> 00:10:47.074 which wasn't 213 00:10:48.014 --> 00:10:50.514 in the first years was also quite, 214 00:10:51.214 --> 00:10:51.714 heavy. 215 00:10:52.175 --> 00:10:55.074 Mhmm. So, it wasn't a decent 216 00:10:55.375 --> 00:10:55.875 separation. 217 00:10:59.850 --> 00:11:00.750 Then afterwards, 218 00:11:02.410 --> 00:11:03.390 I've seen that 219 00:11:03.930 --> 00:11:06.670 there were men in my mother's life, but 220 00:11:07.770 --> 00:11:08.270 I 221 00:11:09.450 --> 00:11:10.750 can honestly say, 222 00:11:11.050 --> 00:11:14.590 for me, they weren't really the best example I could have. 223 00:11:14.945 --> 00:11:19.105 Mhmm. And I know this is a statement that will, make some people, 224 00:11:19.585 --> 00:11:21.045 really pissed off at me, 225 00:11:21.665 --> 00:11:26.145 but I'm also at this point. As you know, it's for me, it was like that. 226 00:11:26.145 --> 00:11:30.245 I've and I'm open about it, so I'm not gonna hide it anymore. 227 00:11:30.839 --> 00:11:32.060 Mhmm. Mhmm. 228 00:11:32.600 --> 00:11:39.000 I mean, it's not it's like it's hard to it's a very soft statement, actually, if I give you a listen to it. 229 00:11:39.000 --> 00:11:42.839 Right? It's like, it maybe wasn't the best role models I could have had. 230 00:11:42.839 --> 00:11:47.615 Like, I think every person on the planet can say that about their parents, like, or their step fathers or whatever it is. 231 00:11:47.615 --> 00:11:50.675 So so yeah. No. But I I understand what you're 232 00:11:50.975 --> 00:11:53.155 saying. Yeah. Oh, but, you know, 233 00:11:55.215 --> 00:11:58.995 I know it's soft, but the word, there is a lot of thing, 234 00:11:59.375 --> 00:12:00.355 things that happened, 235 00:12:00.750 --> 00:12:04.130 and it took me a lot of years before I really understood. 236 00:12:04.990 --> 00:12:07.170 Mhmm. That wasn't so normal. 237 00:12:09.870 --> 00:12:11.810 Mhmm. So what are some of the things that happened? 238 00:12:12.830 --> 00:12:13.330 Well, 239 00:12:14.105 --> 00:12:18.365 I was really accustomed to nightlife. I was, really accustomed to, 240 00:12:19.945 --> 00:12:21.965 I grew up for a large part in bars. 241 00:12:23.545 --> 00:12:26.605 You know? That's not the the place to grow up. 242 00:12:26.970 --> 00:12:29.209 Yeah. So what did what did Marco 243 00:12:29.850 --> 00:12:30.829 how old were you? 244 00:12:33.050 --> 00:12:36.269 Well, when that part of my life started, seven years. 245 00:12:36.730 --> 00:12:40.990 Mhmm. So what is what did seven year old Marco make that mean 246 00:12:41.449 --> 00:12:42.269 about him? 247 00:12:45.505 --> 00:12:46.705 First of all, the 248 00:12:47.505 --> 00:12:48.245 I wasn't 249 00:12:49.105 --> 00:12:49.925 that important. 250 00:12:51.265 --> 00:12:57.925 Then there came and now, becomes really vulnerable, but there is a a large part of those years which was violent. 251 00:12:58.470 --> 00:12:58.970 Mhmm. 252 00:13:01.269 --> 00:13:07.449 So that also meant for little Marco grow up and be try to be the man in the house, but, yeah, 253 00:13:07.750 --> 00:13:12.649 I no no kid has to be, a grown up at at seven years old. 254 00:13:13.035 --> 00:13:13.995 Yeah. That's 255 00:13:14.954 --> 00:13:16.175 it fucking sucks. 256 00:13:18.235 --> 00:13:19.695 Yeah, man. I feel you. 257 00:13:23.675 --> 00:13:25.135 It's fucking heavy, man. 258 00:13:26.350 --> 00:13:27.070 That's life. 259 00:13:28.350 --> 00:13:28.850 Yeah. 260 00:13:29.790 --> 00:13:35.250 No. I get it. But, I mean, like, let's just be with seven year old Marco for a minute. Right? 261 00:13:35.950 --> 00:13:37.650 That was fucking hot. Rough. 262 00:13:40.995 --> 00:13:41.815 He survived. 263 00:13:43.714 --> 00:13:44.774 Great. He survived. 264 00:13:45.315 --> 00:13:50.834 Yeah. But it took, a lot of baggage with him, into his, yeah, his years after. So 265 00:13:51.970 --> 00:13:52.470 Yeah. 266 00:13:53.170 --> 00:13:53.670 Yeah. 267 00:13:55.010 --> 00:13:55.510 So 268 00:13:57.490 --> 00:13:59.670 what I'm hearing is is 269 00:14:00.370 --> 00:14:00.870 three 270 00:14:02.610 --> 00:14:06.310 strains here. Like, there's, like, I'm not important. Right? 271 00:14:07.065 --> 00:14:07.965 I'm not important. 272 00:14:08.825 --> 00:14:09.965 You said that yourself. 273 00:14:10.745 --> 00:14:11.725 I'm not important. 274 00:14:14.505 --> 00:14:15.565 I have 275 00:14:16.585 --> 00:14:17.085 felt 276 00:14:17.865 --> 00:14:20.125 for a very long time, very long. 277 00:14:20.890 --> 00:14:22.910 And I mean, really alone. And, 278 00:14:26.649 --> 00:14:29.870 I no. I I used to make jokes about it. 279 00:14:30.010 --> 00:14:33.950 Now I realized that those jokes were actually a kind of, coping mechanism, 280 00:14:34.410 --> 00:14:35.390 kind of camouflage. 281 00:14:36.324 --> 00:14:36.824 Yeah. 282 00:14:39.204 --> 00:14:40.665 But when you take hits 283 00:14:41.365 --> 00:14:42.264 as a child, 284 00:14:43.045 --> 00:14:49.704 it does something with your, self respect and, self, awareness, self confidence. So Yeah. 285 00:14:50.165 --> 00:14:50.665 Adam. 286 00:14:51.350 --> 00:14:54.170 Can I get you to say that sentence again, but say I? 287 00:14:56.710 --> 00:15:00.330 So when I took kids as a little kid, 288 00:15:01.670 --> 00:15:02.970 that it it shattered 289 00:15:03.750 --> 00:15:06.490 a large part of, self confidence, self awareness. 290 00:15:07.145 --> 00:15:07.645 And, 291 00:15:08.825 --> 00:15:09.965 I also know 292 00:15:10.665 --> 00:15:11.625 if certain old, 293 00:15:12.585 --> 00:15:13.085 acquaintances 294 00:15:15.145 --> 00:15:17.085 or family friends will hear this, 295 00:15:17.945 --> 00:15:22.670 first reaction will be, yeah, but you were always the guy with the big mouth on both. You know, 296 00:15:23.770 --> 00:15:27.070 I know now there was a shield and there was just an act 297 00:15:27.610 --> 00:15:28.110 to 298 00:15:30.010 --> 00:15:33.950 let the world not know or trying to let the world not know 299 00:15:34.565 --> 00:15:38.425 that deep inside that Yeah. Something was broken. 300 00:15:39.045 --> 00:15:39.545 Yeah. 301 00:15:41.204 --> 00:15:45.925 So what's the scenario? Like, you're seven year old seven years old. You're in a bar. 302 00:15:45.925 --> 00:15:49.545 Your mom is there, some other men. Like, what's the what's the 303 00:15:50.110 --> 00:15:52.050 what's the visual? Just give me the scene. 304 00:15:54.190 --> 00:16:00.930 So Oh, maybe. Yeah. We we had a bar at home. So I I slept above the bar. I often 305 00:16:01.230 --> 00:16:03.735 woke up because, yeah, there was a party going on. 306 00:16:04.454 --> 00:16:05.675 Also not really 307 00:16:06.695 --> 00:16:07.675 good for your, 308 00:16:08.935 --> 00:16:09.995 attention in school. 309 00:16:10.454 --> 00:16:12.154 Luckily, I was a smart kid. 310 00:16:16.295 --> 00:16:16.795 I 311 00:16:17.700 --> 00:16:19.560 think that that the most I've 312 00:16:20.340 --> 00:16:22.020 how would I how would I say that? 313 00:16:22.020 --> 00:16:27.480 I think that the most important aspect of that whole situation okay. That was a bar parts, 314 00:16:28.820 --> 00:16:29.560 but I 315 00:16:30.065 --> 00:16:35.845 learned to look over my shoulder constantly. And I've done that until a few years ago. 316 00:16:36.705 --> 00:16:39.445 And that's a that's a thing that you also, 317 00:16:40.865 --> 00:16:44.725 yeah, trickles over into other things in life, and that's a nasty one. 318 00:16:45.100 --> 00:16:45.600 Yeah. 319 00:16:45.980 --> 00:16:48.160 So what I'm getting at is is, 320 00:16:51.340 --> 00:16:58.080 if that was if you let's say you were the the father or even just, like, unrelated and you saw 321 00:16:59.535 --> 00:17:00.995 that little boy, Marco, 322 00:17:01.855 --> 00:17:02.835 in that situation, 323 00:17:03.455 --> 00:17:06.994 what would you do naturally? I would try to help, but 324 00:17:07.855 --> 00:17:10.515 the big question is what's helping? Because 325 00:17:11.680 --> 00:17:12.420 Would you 326 00:17:13.599 --> 00:17:14.500 maybe just, 327 00:17:14.880 --> 00:17:17.700 like, go in, hold him, sit with him? 328 00:17:20.960 --> 00:17:23.780 Tell him that he's loved, that he matters, that he's important. 329 00:17:26.165 --> 00:17:27.305 That I would do that. 330 00:17:27.845 --> 00:17:31.865 This is not fucking right. He shouldn't have to be experience this. 331 00:17:33.125 --> 00:17:34.265 I would do that. 332 00:17:34.645 --> 00:17:35.145 Yeah. 333 00:17:35.685 --> 00:17:37.865 Why don't you take a moment and do that right now? 334 00:17:38.990 --> 00:17:40.050 Just in your mind. 335 00:17:40.590 --> 00:17:43.570 Close your eyes. Just be with him. Just hold him. Just be like, 336 00:17:45.230 --> 00:17:47.410 I'm so sorry you had to go through that. 337 00:18:02.684 --> 00:18:03.905 Such a beautiful boy. 338 00:18:05.670 --> 00:18:06.410 Such a 339 00:18:06.750 --> 00:18:07.250 loving, 340 00:18:07.590 --> 00:18:08.090 smart, 341 00:18:09.270 --> 00:18:12.410 caring boy. You're still that boy today. You're still that man. 342 00:18:15.350 --> 00:18:17.770 Nobody fucking saw him. Nobody gave a shit. 343 00:18:18.705 --> 00:18:21.044 Nobody kept him safe. Nobody protected him. 344 00:18:24.465 --> 00:18:27.184 Well, that, you know, that was a feeling at home. 345 00:18:27.184 --> 00:18:31.044 I I do need to say I was very lucky to have my grandparents. 346 00:18:31.745 --> 00:18:34.085 So there there was always an escape route. 347 00:18:34.600 --> 00:18:35.419 That's good. 348 00:18:36.360 --> 00:18:36.860 But 349 00:18:37.639 --> 00:18:42.379 and I get it. The I these are your grandparents. They they don't have to replace 350 00:18:42.679 --> 00:18:44.220 your parents. So 351 00:18:45.480 --> 00:18:47.980 but they they they really did what they could. 352 00:18:48.565 --> 00:18:49.685 Yeah. And that's, 353 00:18:50.165 --> 00:18:50.665 my 354 00:18:52.245 --> 00:18:57.625 that's something I'm, eternally grateful for. Mhmm. Are you still around? Are you still around? 355 00:18:58.405 --> 00:18:58.905 Unfortunately 356 00:18:59.205 --> 00:19:01.545 not. They passed away a few years ago, 357 00:19:02.630 --> 00:19:03.450 but they both had 358 00:19:06.790 --> 00:19:07.690 a good life. 359 00:19:08.150 --> 00:19:10.250 Mhmm. Some really heavy moments, 360 00:19:13.830 --> 00:19:14.730 bouncing away 361 00:19:15.955 --> 00:19:16.455 difficulties. 362 00:19:16.995 --> 00:19:17.875 But they, 363 00:19:18.755 --> 00:19:23.315 they they really achieve something in life, and they also try to learn us. Look. 364 00:19:23.315 --> 00:19:26.055 Work for what you want and and go after it. 365 00:19:28.930 --> 00:19:33.830 At the later stage of their life, they were a bit more prudent. Don't take too much risk. 366 00:19:35.490 --> 00:19:38.470 Mhmm. K. So was that hard for you when they when they left? 367 00:19:41.865 --> 00:19:43.485 Yes and no. Because 368 00:19:43.785 --> 00:19:49.165 my grandfather passed away during COVID, so I didn't have the chance to say goodbye to him. 369 00:19:49.465 --> 00:19:49.965 Mhmm. 370 00:19:50.985 --> 00:19:51.805 My grandmother, 371 00:19:56.290 --> 00:19:57.990 I had the chance to say goodbye, 372 00:19:59.330 --> 00:20:00.310 and I 373 00:20:01.490 --> 00:20:02.950 honestly can say that 374 00:20:03.890 --> 00:20:09.510 I had more difficulties with my grandfather than with my grandmother because if you can say goodbye and you know it's goodbye, 375 00:20:10.050 --> 00:20:11.110 it still hurts, 376 00:20:12.424 --> 00:20:13.405 but it's closure. 377 00:20:13.945 --> 00:20:16.044 Mhmm. And but my grandfather 378 00:20:16.345 --> 00:20:19.325 and okay. There were other people in, in my life. 379 00:20:20.505 --> 00:20:21.804 That's a difficult one. 380 00:20:22.105 --> 00:20:22.605 Yeah. 381 00:20:24.105 --> 00:20:27.565 Even even if somebody is at a age where you know, okay. 382 00:20:27.940 --> 00:20:31.960 Chance is really big that tomorrow I will get a call with this message, 383 00:20:32.900 --> 00:20:33.960 but it still alert. 384 00:20:34.660 --> 00:20:35.880 Mhmm. Yeah. 385 00:20:38.180 --> 00:20:41.800 Yeah. Give yourself permission to just feel all of this, Marco. 386 00:20:42.340 --> 00:20:42.580 Just 387 00:20:43.755 --> 00:20:47.595 like, there's a lot of emotion here that you've been you've been soldiering on. 388 00:20:47.595 --> 00:20:48.975 You're a very brave man. 389 00:20:49.435 --> 00:20:51.615 You've you've just taken it in stride. 390 00:20:52.315 --> 00:20:52.975 And I 391 00:20:53.755 --> 00:20:58.175 I invite you to give yourself permission to just feel all of it because there's a lot of pain. 392 00:20:58.795 --> 00:20:59.295 And 393 00:21:00.179 --> 00:21:04.580 there might you might have a fear that if you allow yourself to go there that you would break down. 394 00:21:04.580 --> 00:21:09.139 Like, I promise you, you will like, it won't destroy you. Like, it's it's 395 00:21:11.220 --> 00:21:11.860 Well, it's, 396 00:21:12.605 --> 00:21:17.025 I I do allow myself to to to feel, these kind of things. I also take 397 00:21:17.565 --> 00:21:20.925 often the time to to just sit with my thoughts and my feelings. 398 00:21:22.285 --> 00:21:26.225 That on only that part was already a a life changer 399 00:21:26.600 --> 00:21:27.260 for me. 400 00:21:27.640 --> 00:21:30.940 Mhmm. Yeah. Totally. Yeah. Do you get let yourself cry? 401 00:21:33.640 --> 00:21:34.140 Yes. 402 00:21:34.520 --> 00:21:35.020 And, 403 00:21:36.200 --> 00:21:37.660 also, in all honesty, 404 00:21:38.615 --> 00:21:42.955 it took some effort, before I could, allow myself to do that. 405 00:21:45.735 --> 00:21:50.955 Yeah. It's, it's often say I'd like like the song boys don't cry, men don't cry. 406 00:21:51.495 --> 00:21:52.295 100%. 407 00:21:52.295 --> 00:21:54.235 Yeah. Who who are we fooling? 408 00:21:55.950 --> 00:22:00.370 Yeah. It took me it was years where I I couldn't cry. It took a lot of 409 00:22:01.870 --> 00:22:03.010 work. Yeah. 410 00:22:04.190 --> 00:22:04.690 Yeah. 411 00:22:05.390 --> 00:22:07.410 So if it wants to come, just let it. 412 00:22:08.030 --> 00:22:08.530 So 413 00:22:11.745 --> 00:22:12.245 the 414 00:22:12.865 --> 00:22:13.345 I want 415 00:22:14.625 --> 00:22:15.685 can you see how 416 00:22:16.545 --> 00:22:17.045 so 417 00:22:17.345 --> 00:22:23.445 so the way I look at at life is that we come into this world as souls 418 00:22:24.300 --> 00:22:24.800 wanting 419 00:22:25.260 --> 00:22:27.760 to experience certain mind bugs, 420 00:22:28.700 --> 00:22:30.240 as I call them, which are, 421 00:22:31.180 --> 00:22:39.200 like, lies identity level lies that that we believe in, but we want to experience what it's like to live inside of the mind bug 422 00:22:39.885 --> 00:22:41.665 so that we can break free of it. 423 00:22:42.045 --> 00:22:43.345 And the way that we do 424 00:22:43.725 --> 00:22:44.465 it is to 425 00:22:44.765 --> 00:22:51.025 organize orchestrate the events and circumstances in our lives so that we get to experience the mind bugs. 426 00:22:51.565 --> 00:22:52.225 And then 427 00:22:52.950 --> 00:22:55.510 once we then we get really sucked into them. 428 00:22:55.510 --> 00:23:04.330 We like, we live inside of these for however long, and then we start to get awareness of it, and then we get to transcend them, and then we get to experience the freedom of on the other side. 429 00:23:04.894 --> 00:23:09.235 And it's really the transition of living from the human part of us, the ego, 430 00:23:09.855 --> 00:23:11.154 to living from soul. 431 00:23:11.695 --> 00:23:16.274 Right? The mind buzz is what keeps us stuck in the three d in the in the ego level, 432 00:23:16.815 --> 00:23:20.115 and the freedom is when we operate on on the level of soul. 433 00:23:21.270 --> 00:23:22.250 Does that make sense? 434 00:23:22.950 --> 00:23:25.450 It makes sense, and I I I get what you say. 435 00:23:27.590 --> 00:23:30.310 It took also a little bit of time before I, 436 00:23:31.670 --> 00:23:34.250 got my head wrapped around this one. But, 437 00:23:35.165 --> 00:23:35.905 in Buddhism, 438 00:23:36.445 --> 00:23:38.684 I think the stoics also do it. And, 439 00:23:39.565 --> 00:23:41.645 the last book I read was about, 440 00:23:42.765 --> 00:23:44.705 at atlerian psychology, 441 00:23:46.205 --> 00:23:47.825 where they explained that 442 00:23:48.280 --> 00:23:50.860 the ego is a construct of of, 443 00:23:51.960 --> 00:23:55.820 place where you live, the values you are that are brought on to you, 444 00:23:56.280 --> 00:23:57.980 values you create for yourself, 445 00:23:59.480 --> 00:24:00.860 because of your environment 446 00:24:01.400 --> 00:24:02.780 and the things you experienced. 447 00:24:05.345 --> 00:24:06.965 And that combines with 448 00:24:07.505 --> 00:24:09.044 there there was one phrase, 449 00:24:10.144 --> 00:24:12.404 that came back in all those books I read. 450 00:24:13.985 --> 00:24:14.485 Emotions 451 00:24:15.585 --> 00:24:19.800 are often labels we have put on past events that we 452 00:24:20.360 --> 00:24:23.420 tend to bring up over and over and over again. 453 00:24:25.320 --> 00:24:26.540 Mhmm. And and 454 00:24:27.880 --> 00:24:33.020 the moment I got that one that that touched so deep that we're like, oh, okay. 455 00:24:33.515 --> 00:24:37.775 So it's me actually who's choosing to go into a certain state. 456 00:24:38.315 --> 00:24:39.055 Mhmm. While 457 00:24:42.395 --> 00:24:48.900 you have every right to feel and every right to I I have every right to to feel myself good, bad, 458 00:24:49.940 --> 00:24:52.840 enjoy something or or just being sad. 459 00:24:56.180 --> 00:25:02.040 But there are also moments where you actually take an old emotion and you base it on because you feel threatened. 460 00:25:02.705 --> 00:25:04.805 And it's it's not the case. 461 00:25:05.185 --> 00:25:07.205 Mhmm. A 100%. Yeah. 462 00:25:07.505 --> 00:25:08.965 I get it. So 463 00:25:09.265 --> 00:25:09.765 so 464 00:25:10.225 --> 00:25:16.645 your so the mind bugs that I hear for you, the three that have come up so far is, like, I'm not important. 465 00:25:18.330 --> 00:25:18.830 It's 466 00:25:19.450 --> 00:25:20.430 I'm not safe, 467 00:25:21.690 --> 00:25:24.270 and it's it's all up to me. 468 00:25:27.050 --> 00:25:27.550 Yeah. 469 00:25:28.010 --> 00:25:29.550 So can you see if 470 00:25:30.235 --> 00:25:30.735 if, 471 00:25:32.154 --> 00:25:36.654 if you live in a world and the thing with mind bugs is that they're not beliefs. 472 00:25:37.195 --> 00:25:41.534 They're not like limiting beliefs. They're just the eyes that you look through. 473 00:25:42.570 --> 00:25:43.070 Right? 474 00:25:43.529 --> 00:25:46.730 It's it's how you are. It's how the world is to you. 475 00:25:46.730 --> 00:25:48.570 You it's not like you think you're not important. 476 00:25:48.570 --> 00:25:52.590 It's that just like that's the lens that you look through. It's like, I'm not important. 477 00:25:52.970 --> 00:25:54.270 So if you're not important, 478 00:25:55.555 --> 00:25:59.575 could you see how maybe someone might think that your role as a father is not important? 479 00:25:59.635 --> 00:26:01.335 I can definitely see that. 480 00:26:02.915 --> 00:26:05.175 And I I would like to add to that. 481 00:26:06.435 --> 00:26:10.615 I think the main issue with what you just explained about the mind books is that 482 00:26:12.000 --> 00:26:16.260 when I was in that kind of state or when somebody is in that kind of state, 483 00:26:16.880 --> 00:26:17.380 unconsciously, 484 00:26:18.160 --> 00:26:20.180 you start modeling your behavior 485 00:26:21.440 --> 00:26:23.540 through what you see through that lens. 486 00:26:23.920 --> 00:26:25.780 Mhmm. Exactly. And Exactly. 487 00:26:26.674 --> 00:26:30.934 And that's maybe the the message, also a really powerful message 488 00:26:31.235 --> 00:26:34.054 I I've I've learned. You always have a choice. 489 00:26:36.035 --> 00:26:39.735 And I combine that always with the with the question, what if I'm wrong? 490 00:26:40.275 --> 00:26:40.775 Mhmm. 491 00:26:41.220 --> 00:26:44.679 And that started to to to put in motion 492 00:26:45.299 --> 00:26:46.280 different perspectives, 493 00:26:48.419 --> 00:26:49.480 and and also 494 00:26:50.100 --> 00:26:54.280 from I for my being completely different reactions to certain situations, 495 00:26:55.715 --> 00:26:57.095 where I can say, okay. 496 00:26:58.115 --> 00:26:59.655 Five to ten years ago, 497 00:27:02.035 --> 00:27:04.055 then I would go all over you. 498 00:27:05.795 --> 00:27:08.215 Now I'm more in a in a relaxed state, 499 00:27:08.600 --> 00:27:11.820 and I'm I'm thinking, okay. This this isn't even 500 00:27:13.560 --> 00:27:15.260 worth of annoying myself 501 00:27:15.560 --> 00:27:15.720 or, 502 00:27:16.920 --> 00:27:19.340 going going all emotional about it. Just 503 00:27:20.615 --> 00:27:23.515 let it I it happens. It is what it 504 00:27:23.815 --> 00:27:26.935 is. Mhmm. And tomorrow, there's not there's another day, 505 00:27:27.415 --> 00:27:30.635 with another event. So Mhmm. Totally. 506 00:27:31.255 --> 00:27:31.755 Yeah. 507 00:27:33.110 --> 00:27:33.910 And I think that's, 508 00:27:34.630 --> 00:27:36.410 within the I within 509 00:27:37.670 --> 00:27:42.090 if you say if that somebody decides that I wasn't important as a father, 510 00:27:43.590 --> 00:27:45.130 I can honestly admit 511 00:27:46.355 --> 00:27:47.735 that maybe throughout 512 00:27:49.475 --> 00:27:49.975 reacting 513 00:27:50.275 --> 00:27:54.295 wrongly and based on on ancient scripts in my head 514 00:27:54.835 --> 00:27:55.715 that I was, 515 00:27:56.115 --> 00:27:59.095 yeah, a part of me that's also responsible for, 516 00:28:01.640 --> 00:28:04.300 I wouldn't call it appropriate actions, but 517 00:28:05.880 --> 00:28:09.820 I can understand what happens. That doesn't mean I have to accept it. 518 00:28:10.120 --> 00:28:11.660 Yeah. No. A 100%. 519 00:28:11.960 --> 00:28:13.340 So, yeah, the so 520 00:28:14.395 --> 00:28:14.895 the 521 00:28:15.915 --> 00:28:21.675 the thing is, like, the the mind bug dish is like like I said, it becomes the eyes, the lens that you look at life through. 522 00:28:21.675 --> 00:28:22.575 Right? And so 523 00:28:23.115 --> 00:28:26.015 the as you're saying, like, your mind is gonna look 524 00:28:26.539 --> 00:28:27.360 for evidence 525 00:28:27.740 --> 00:28:30.700 in what happens to prove that to be true. Right? 526 00:28:30.700 --> 00:28:34.059 So it's gonna interpret everything that happens through that lens as, like, oh, see. 527 00:28:34.059 --> 00:28:34.880 I'm not important. 528 00:28:35.500 --> 00:28:39.340 It's also gonna manufacture. It's gonna alter your behavior like you were saying. Right? 529 00:28:39.340 --> 00:28:40.400 You start behaving 530 00:28:40.905 --> 00:28:45.805 according to that, and then you behave in a way that then reinforces the the view that you're not important. 531 00:28:46.425 --> 00:28:46.925 And 532 00:28:48.345 --> 00:28:48.845 the 533 00:28:50.585 --> 00:28:52.525 the key is to recognize, 534 00:28:55.100 --> 00:28:57.279 basically, recognize the truth. And so 535 00:28:58.460 --> 00:28:58.960 the 536 00:28:59.340 --> 00:29:02.960 the other thing I said is, like, the Jung has this quote that says, 537 00:29:04.460 --> 00:29:09.519 until you make the unconscious conscious, it will determine your life, and you will call it fate. 538 00:29:11.555 --> 00:29:15.815 Right? So as long as it remains unconscious, it'll just it'll just, you know, 539 00:29:16.115 --> 00:29:19.495 determine what your life life looks like. And that's the invitation is to make it conscious. 540 00:29:19.635 --> 00:29:22.375 And you're obviously aware of it, and so I just wanna 541 00:29:24.670 --> 00:29:26.210 bring it home. So 542 00:29:26.590 --> 00:29:28.450 is it true that you're not important? 543 00:29:30.750 --> 00:29:32.050 No. That's not true. 544 00:29:32.430 --> 00:29:34.130 No. It's not at all true. 545 00:29:36.430 --> 00:29:36.930 It's 546 00:29:39.475 --> 00:29:42.534 it's a image that that I've put on myself 547 00:29:42.914 --> 00:29:45.655 based on, the things that happened in the past. 548 00:29:47.955 --> 00:29:51.174 And I do admit I maybe coped a little 549 00:29:51.520 --> 00:29:52.020 bit, 550 00:29:52.800 --> 00:29:54.420 a little bit. I coped wrongly, 551 00:29:56.000 --> 00:29:56.660 with those 552 00:29:58.320 --> 00:29:58.820 mechanisms. 553 00:29:59.840 --> 00:30:01.299 Mhmm. But, you know, 554 00:30:01.600 --> 00:30:04.980 there's a there's a part where you get aware of something, 555 00:30:05.524 --> 00:30:08.424 where you understand it, and then when you take action 556 00:30:09.044 --> 00:30:12.264 Mhmm. To really try and and to to 557 00:30:12.565 --> 00:30:14.725 to improve those aspects in your life. 558 00:30:16.804 --> 00:30:17.304 So 559 00:30:18.380 --> 00:30:19.520 what's Jung said, 560 00:30:20.060 --> 00:30:21.760 yes. It's it's true. 561 00:30:22.700 --> 00:30:24.720 I can honestly say for me, 562 00:30:25.580 --> 00:30:27.600 I'm not thinking anymore. I'm not important. 563 00:30:29.580 --> 00:30:32.480 I have my value. Everybody has his value. 564 00:30:36.875 --> 00:30:37.375 But 565 00:30:38.315 --> 00:30:41.934 I I I wanted to make a point and it got off track. I'm sorry. 566 00:30:44.794 --> 00:30:47.695 No. What he says is, said is true. And 567 00:30:48.010 --> 00:30:50.830 for me, I started to realize this, 568 00:30:51.770 --> 00:30:52.510 the moments 569 00:30:53.210 --> 00:30:58.030 I started meditating and afterwards journaling and really writing out, okay, 570 00:30:58.809 --> 00:31:04.805 this event, that event. What is that doing with me? Why am I angry? Why was I angry at my boss? 571 00:31:04.805 --> 00:31:07.305 Why do I call that guy in the office, 572 00:31:07.845 --> 00:31:08.985 a a jerk or 573 00:31:09.445 --> 00:31:13.225 why can't can't he stand me or why can't I stand him? And 574 00:31:15.240 --> 00:31:16.460 I I noticed, 575 00:31:17.160 --> 00:31:21.180 and I've reread a few of my old, notes, a while ago. 576 00:31:21.400 --> 00:31:24.300 In the beginning, it was blaming blaming blaming, 577 00:31:24.840 --> 00:31:29.485 and it's not right, and I'm the victim here. And then it started gradually shifting 578 00:31:30.105 --> 00:31:32.525 where I I noticed that I moved, 579 00:31:33.145 --> 00:31:34.605 enormously from victimhood 580 00:31:35.545 --> 00:31:36.205 to ownership. 581 00:31:36.745 --> 00:31:37.245 And 582 00:31:38.825 --> 00:31:44.380 the day you arrive at the point where you can honestly say, okay. I made this mistake. I did that. 583 00:31:44.760 --> 00:31:45.260 Mhmm. 584 00:31:45.800 --> 00:31:48.540 That doesn't mean that everything that happens 585 00:31:50.600 --> 00:31:52.300 has to be tolerated or, 586 00:31:53.400 --> 00:31:54.460 can be approved 587 00:31:54.760 --> 00:31:56.380 because I did something. 588 00:31:58.495 --> 00:32:02.595 But it's it was for me to start from, okay. I'm actually more responsible 589 00:32:02.895 --> 00:32:04.674 for a lot of things in my life, 590 00:32:06.735 --> 00:32:11.395 than I thought. So let me so let me ask you this. Is it true that you made a mistake? 591 00:32:12.610 --> 00:32:14.710 I've made a lot of mistakes in my life. 592 00:32:15.090 --> 00:32:15.590 Mhmm. 593 00:32:16.610 --> 00:32:17.590 Is that true? 594 00:32:18.850 --> 00:32:19.669 That's true. 595 00:32:20.130 --> 00:32:20.950 That's true. 596 00:32:21.570 --> 00:32:24.630 Is it an absolute truth that what you did 597 00:32:25.409 --> 00:32:27.830 were was a mistake or was wrong? 598 00:32:35.465 --> 00:32:35.965 No. 599 00:32:36.505 --> 00:32:37.005 Because 600 00:32:39.785 --> 00:32:41.405 everything you do and, 601 00:32:43.070 --> 00:32:47.330 action reactions also, the the reactions and the answers that that come to you 602 00:32:49.150 --> 00:32:49.650 is, 603 00:32:53.150 --> 00:32:55.330 I I always say feedback is data. 604 00:32:55.855 --> 00:32:56.674 Mhmm. So 605 00:32:57.774 --> 00:33:02.914 when when you, when I say or when anybody says, you learn from your mistakes 606 00:33:05.774 --> 00:33:06.914 Mhmm. You did something. 607 00:33:08.380 --> 00:33:09.760 Maybe it wasn't appropriate 608 00:33:10.380 --> 00:33:13.919 in that context. It can be appropriate in the complete different context. 609 00:33:14.299 --> 00:33:17.679 And sometimes, okay, there are also things that are just plain wrong. 610 00:33:19.020 --> 00:33:19.260 So 611 00:33:21.184 --> 00:33:23.044 but when you learn from it and 612 00:33:23.345 --> 00:33:25.505 you try to make amends or you try to, 613 00:33:26.705 --> 00:33:27.684 better your life, 614 00:33:29.184 --> 00:33:30.325 it has its value. 615 00:33:30.865 --> 00:33:31.924 And it's not because 616 00:33:32.465 --> 00:33:33.765 you did something wrong 617 00:33:34.750 --> 00:33:38.130 that you are wrong as a person or I am wrong as a person. 618 00:33:38.510 --> 00:33:41.330 I want you to really, really play with the idea. 619 00:33:41.390 --> 00:33:46.770 Like, what what would it feel like if none of if you if none of what you ever did was wrong 620 00:33:47.390 --> 00:33:47.890 and 621 00:33:48.895 --> 00:33:53.155 and none of what you will do can be wrong, that you can't do anything wrong, 622 00:33:53.695 --> 00:33:57.395 and you didn't do anything wrong ever, what would that feel like? 623 00:34:03.620 --> 00:34:06.440 I find this a really philosophical question. 624 00:34:08.260 --> 00:34:09.060 Get out of your head. 625 00:34:09.060 --> 00:34:11.780 Allow yourself to get out of your head because you're very you're very strong in your head. 626 00:34:11.780 --> 00:34:13.000 You're very strong mentally. 627 00:34:14.420 --> 00:34:18.440 I want to invite you into your body and just, like, feel what would that feel like. 628 00:34:22.764 --> 00:34:23.505 I think 629 00:34:24.204 --> 00:34:25.264 for me personally, 630 00:34:26.284 --> 00:34:30.545 and that's a process where, where I'm still going through, it would mean 631 00:34:31.085 --> 00:34:31.904 much more, 632 00:34:33.410 --> 00:34:35.830 much more action and less overthinking. 633 00:34:36.610 --> 00:34:37.110 Mhmm. 634 00:34:37.650 --> 00:34:42.710 I like that. I like the sound of that. So I want so, I mean, really think about it. Right? 635 00:34:43.650 --> 00:34:44.150 Wrong 636 00:34:44.690 --> 00:34:48.390 or mistake is a judgment that we make after the fact. 637 00:34:49.125 --> 00:34:55.545 Any moment, every every action you ever took, every behavior, every decision you ever made, you made 638 00:34:55.844 --> 00:34:58.105 you did the best thing you knew how to do in the moment. 639 00:35:01.720 --> 00:35:04.060 Right? You did your very best. And 640 00:35:05.320 --> 00:35:05.820 and 641 00:35:06.200 --> 00:35:15.115 if we can just be with that, that we you did what you did, and then there were consequences, and some of the consequences you liked, and some of the consequences you didn't like or whatever. 642 00:35:15.115 --> 00:35:18.095 And then later, you learn this thing and you realize, oh, like, 643 00:35:18.475 --> 00:35:22.235 had it had that happened today, you would react differently, but it didn't happen today. 644 00:35:22.235 --> 00:35:24.255 It happened then, and you did what you did. Right? 645 00:35:24.315 --> 00:35:27.455 If we get if we can take the whole judgment out of it, 646 00:35:28.569 --> 00:35:32.349 then we can just deal with the logistics of it, the mechanics, the physics. 647 00:35:32.650 --> 00:35:36.109 Alright? This happened. It's not like, whatever. What do we wanna do with it? Right? 648 00:35:36.730 --> 00:35:37.470 But then 649 00:35:38.010 --> 00:35:39.069 it there's 650 00:35:40.410 --> 00:35:42.030 there's freedom. There's peace. 651 00:35:42.410 --> 00:35:42.910 Right? 652 00:35:44.385 --> 00:35:45.045 And there's 653 00:35:45.505 --> 00:35:46.485 also, like, this 654 00:35:47.105 --> 00:35:47.605 like, 655 00:35:49.105 --> 00:35:54.465 you can step out of some of that vigilance of, like, I have to do it right, and what if I fuck up, and what do I do the wrong thing? 656 00:35:54.465 --> 00:35:59.745 And, like, they're always monitoring my step every every move, and, like, what if they like, that whole world. 657 00:35:59.745 --> 00:36:00.720 Right? It's 658 00:36:01.180 --> 00:36:02.000 very stressful 659 00:36:02.860 --> 00:36:03.840 place to be. 660 00:36:04.860 --> 00:36:07.120 Well, it's it's I think it's the mental 661 00:36:07.420 --> 00:36:08.460 equivalent of, 662 00:36:09.260 --> 00:36:11.680 somebody putting you a straight jacket 663 00:36:12.060 --> 00:36:14.480 on and and pulling a tighter every 664 00:36:15.125 --> 00:36:19.924 every step you take. And Right. It's it's it's not good. It's really not good. 665 00:36:19.924 --> 00:36:23.385 It it brings you mentally in in really strange places. 666 00:36:24.005 --> 00:36:24.505 Exactly. 667 00:36:25.525 --> 00:36:26.025 Yeah. 668 00:36:27.060 --> 00:36:28.840 So, again, what would it feel like? 669 00:36:29.140 --> 00:36:32.680 Is this so is it true that you did yet that you made mistakes? Is that true? 670 00:36:33.220 --> 00:36:33.960 It's true. 671 00:36:34.740 --> 00:36:37.640 Is it true that you made mistakes, that you did something wrong? 672 00:36:39.540 --> 00:36:40.040 Yes. 673 00:36:40.660 --> 00:36:42.440 I I can't admit it. 674 00:36:42.984 --> 00:36:44.984 And I and I learned it from it. So 675 00:36:45.785 --> 00:36:49.385 No. But what I wanna invite you to consider is, like, it wasn't it wasn't a mistake. 676 00:36:49.385 --> 00:36:50.285 It wasn't wrong. 677 00:36:57.890 --> 00:37:00.789 You're like, no. Fuck. It was wrong. It was a mistake. 678 00:37:03.250 --> 00:37:03.829 Oh, yeah. 679 00:37:04.529 --> 00:37:05.190 You know, 680 00:37:08.765 --> 00:37:13.965 you're right when you when you say that I'm I'm I'm I cognitively and mentally, I'm I'm strong. 681 00:37:13.965 --> 00:37:18.305 I I I do think about a lot of things and and get the points of a lot of things. 682 00:37:20.365 --> 00:37:20.865 But, 683 00:37:21.270 --> 00:37:24.810 indeed, I judge myself also based on certain values. 684 00:37:26.070 --> 00:37:29.930 I I I know that cert I a lot of values have been changed. 685 00:37:31.270 --> 00:37:32.710 I can give you an example. I 686 00:37:33.510 --> 00:37:34.570 since a few years, 687 00:37:35.110 --> 00:37:36.570 I have a personal code. 688 00:37:36.895 --> 00:37:39.155 So really, principles, standards, values, 689 00:37:40.095 --> 00:37:45.875 I read that thing every morning just to to keep it in my mind. K? Mhmm. This is who you are. 690 00:37:46.255 --> 00:37:46.755 Mhmm. 691 00:37:53.430 --> 00:37:57.050 Even now, I still say I did I did things wrong. 692 00:37:57.589 --> 00:37:58.089 Mhmm. 693 00:37:59.030 --> 00:37:59.530 Yeah. 694 00:38:02.390 --> 00:38:05.609 How does seven year old Marco feel when you tell him that? 695 00:38:14.664 --> 00:38:16.924 I think he he he would have the feeling 696 00:38:19.385 --> 00:38:21.085 to not completely get it. 697 00:38:23.340 --> 00:38:24.320 How does it 698 00:38:34.290 --> 00:38:35.760 feel? Lonely and 699 00:38:39.994 --> 00:38:41.454 maybe disappoint us. 700 00:38:46.714 --> 00:38:47.694 What's the disappointment? 701 00:38:54.000 --> 00:38:56.020 Well, sure. What's the disappointment? 702 00:39:04.615 --> 00:39:08.395 If I recall myself well at that age, so I I was a 703 00:39:08.855 --> 00:39:10.235 a little bit of an adventurer. 704 00:39:12.855 --> 00:39:17.435 I think it would be disappointed that I did everything right according to the book, 705 00:39:17.750 --> 00:39:18.329 but then 706 00:39:18.790 --> 00:39:20.569 still have the feeling I messed up. 707 00:39:22.549 --> 00:39:23.049 And 708 00:39:23.430 --> 00:39:23.930 yeah. 709 00:39:24.309 --> 00:39:26.170 And so It worked. My question is 710 00:39:26.950 --> 00:39:29.270 maybe you got it, maybe you didn't, but I just wanna make sure. 711 00:39:29.270 --> 00:39:32.410 So my question is when you tell seven year old Marco, 712 00:39:33.145 --> 00:39:34.605 Marco, you made a mistake. 713 00:39:35.305 --> 00:39:37.645 How what is his feeling? How does he feel? 714 00:39:38.665 --> 00:39:39.165 Anxious. 715 00:39:40.265 --> 00:39:40.765 Mhmm. 716 00:39:42.345 --> 00:39:42.845 Yeah. 717 00:39:43.225 --> 00:39:44.045 Because he 718 00:39:45.465 --> 00:39:46.525 expects repercussions. 719 00:39:47.619 --> 00:39:48.119 Right. 720 00:39:49.460 --> 00:39:49.960 So 721 00:39:50.740 --> 00:39:55.160 I want you to consider that that's the state that you're still living in. 722 00:39:56.980 --> 00:39:57.480 So 723 00:39:58.180 --> 00:40:00.440 let's talk about the not safe. 724 00:40:03.115 --> 00:40:07.695 What are you where do you feel not safe today? That's a good question. 725 00:40:11.115 --> 00:40:12.255 I think in general, 726 00:40:13.595 --> 00:40:15.375 maybe the points where where 727 00:40:18.290 --> 00:40:19.990 where I'm at in life. 728 00:40:25.010 --> 00:40:27.750 In that case, that I always believed in the, 729 00:40:30.055 --> 00:40:30.795 you know, 730 00:40:31.095 --> 00:40:34.315 the, a a little bit the the Hollywood career picture. 731 00:40:35.735 --> 00:40:38.135 Well, that didn't happen exactly. So 732 00:40:39.815 --> 00:40:42.875 Yeah. Do you feel safe in this moment, in this conversation? 733 00:40:43.735 --> 00:40:44.235 Yes. 734 00:40:46.470 --> 00:40:46.970 Yeah. 735 00:40:47.510 --> 00:40:49.370 So not safe in, like, the 736 00:40:51.430 --> 00:40:55.190 that you didn't achieve what you thought you were gonna achieve by this time? Or 737 00:40:58.724 --> 00:41:03.385 Indeed. It it's it's the part, I didn't achieve what I wanted to achieve. 738 00:41:06.565 --> 00:41:07.065 And 739 00:41:07.925 --> 00:41:08.505 then simultaneously, 740 00:41:09.605 --> 00:41:10.984 there's a part of me 741 00:41:14.099 --> 00:41:20.200 and this I couldn't do a few years ago. But then when I look at myself and what I've did done 742 00:41:21.140 --> 00:41:24.660 k. I'm maybe not the big manager who who brings in 250 743 00:41:24.660 --> 00:41:25.480 k a year 744 00:41:26.099 --> 00:41:26.920 in a company. 745 00:41:27.905 --> 00:41:31.045 But honestly, at this moment, I'm also thinking, do I 746 00:41:31.825 --> 00:41:32.565 want to 747 00:41:33.105 --> 00:41:34.085 be that guy? 748 00:41:34.465 --> 00:41:34.965 Mhmm. 749 00:41:39.105 --> 00:41:39.605 I, 750 00:41:40.465 --> 00:41:40.965 it's, 751 00:41:41.425 --> 00:41:41.925 so 752 00:41:47.380 --> 00:41:47.880 manager, 753 00:41:48.579 --> 00:41:50.200 I've done a lot of things 754 00:41:51.460 --> 00:41:52.200 of which 755 00:41:52.500 --> 00:41:53.319 other people, 756 00:41:54.020 --> 00:41:59.925 they haven't done it. Mhmm. Or they put it away as, yeah, but I don't have time for it. Mhmm. 757 00:41:59.925 --> 00:42:02.025 And I don't have time for it. 758 00:42:02.325 --> 00:42:03.545 It's one of those, 759 00:42:04.405 --> 00:42:09.065 mind bugs a lot of people have, which is, yeah, are those bullshit. 760 00:42:09.765 --> 00:42:10.265 Yeah. 761 00:42:10.565 --> 00:42:11.065 Yeah. 762 00:42:13.820 --> 00:42:18.560 So what I'm seeing, Marco, is that there's you're you're still running. 763 00:42:18.620 --> 00:42:22.080 You're, again, you've done so much work. You're incredible 764 00:42:22.860 --> 00:42:23.360 human, 765 00:42:24.460 --> 00:42:24.960 incredibly 766 00:42:26.765 --> 00:42:27.825 incredible heart, 767 00:42:28.685 --> 00:42:29.905 incredibly smart, 768 00:42:30.285 --> 00:42:33.745 incredibly strong and resilient. Like, you're just an extraordinary 769 00:42:34.045 --> 00:42:37.345 human being. You really, really genuinely are. 770 00:42:38.285 --> 00:42:39.665 And you're still running 771 00:42:40.640 --> 00:42:42.020 the pattern that says, 772 00:42:43.200 --> 00:42:45.860 I'm not safe, which I totally understand. 773 00:42:46.480 --> 00:42:49.140 Right? Growing up in this environment, violence, 774 00:42:49.440 --> 00:42:50.340 like, always 775 00:42:51.040 --> 00:42:52.100 head on a swivel, 776 00:42:52.720 --> 00:42:56.115 vigilant, like, shit. When is the next shoe gonna drop? It's like, 777 00:42:56.595 --> 00:42:57.895 you know, you're you're, 778 00:43:00.755 --> 00:43:03.175 yeah, look over your shoulder all the time. Right? 779 00:43:04.595 --> 00:43:08.055 But the so the the pattern is still, I'm not safe. 780 00:43:09.800 --> 00:43:11.420 Still some of that I'm not important, 781 00:43:13.320 --> 00:43:14.860 and I'm I'm all alone. 782 00:43:15.480 --> 00:43:18.860 It's up to me to do something, and I gotta do everything right. 783 00:43:20.520 --> 00:43:22.140 I got I can't make a mistake 784 00:43:22.840 --> 00:43:23.900 to stay safe. 785 00:43:26.505 --> 00:43:27.005 Well, 786 00:43:28.665 --> 00:43:29.224 I'm not 787 00:43:31.385 --> 00:43:32.125 I honestly 788 00:43:32.665 --> 00:43:35.244 am no longer thinking I can't make a mistake. 789 00:43:37.030 --> 00:43:37.530 Mhmm. 790 00:43:37.830 --> 00:43:40.730 Neither which path I choose, anybody chooses. 791 00:43:41.350 --> 00:43:41.850 I 792 00:43:42.950 --> 00:43:44.570 everybody will make mistakes. 793 00:43:45.350 --> 00:43:47.370 Question is, what do you do with them? 794 00:43:47.830 --> 00:43:52.855 Got it. Okay. Yeah. But there's still there's there's still an energy of, like, I have to 795 00:43:53.475 --> 00:43:58.995 it's up to me to do something, and I have to get to to get it right is what I'm hearing. 796 00:43:58.995 --> 00:44:03.175 What I what I want you to consider is, like, is that this whole 797 00:44:04.110 --> 00:44:09.890 the values and the codes and the principles and all that stuff is a way to keep yourself on the straight and narrow. 798 00:44:10.670 --> 00:44:13.250 It's a way to control your behavior, your actions 799 00:44:13.710 --> 00:44:16.430 so that you can be safe. Like, it's all designed around. 800 00:44:16.430 --> 00:44:22.085 It's all up to me, and I need to do this to feel safe. It's up to me to make sure that I'm safe. 801 00:44:23.105 --> 00:44:24.245 Right? And 802 00:44:25.025 --> 00:44:25.525 and 803 00:44:26.385 --> 00:44:27.925 what I want to 804 00:44:28.385 --> 00:44:30.245 paint as a possibility for you 805 00:44:31.440 --> 00:44:32.099 is that 806 00:44:32.880 --> 00:44:33.940 when you really 807 00:44:35.599 --> 00:44:38.900 connect with little Marco, with seven year old Marco, 808 00:44:39.520 --> 00:44:43.619 and feel him and love on him so fucking hard 809 00:44:44.994 --> 00:44:47.335 and make him feel emotionally safe 810 00:44:49.155 --> 00:44:51.494 by making, like, making sure that he's seen, 811 00:44:52.035 --> 00:44:52.535 heard, 812 00:44:52.994 --> 00:44:53.494 held, 813 00:44:54.355 --> 00:44:55.255 loved, and 814 00:44:58.960 --> 00:45:02.660 have him understand that he's can do he can do nothing wrong. 815 00:45:03.840 --> 00:45:05.780 Like, he's just that you love him 816 00:45:06.080 --> 00:45:07.540 regardless of anything, 817 00:45:09.520 --> 00:45:16.375 and you connect emotionally with him, what's gonna happen is that you start to just operate from a more natural place 818 00:45:16.995 --> 00:45:19.255 where you don't have to monitor your behavior 819 00:45:19.635 --> 00:45:23.555 and live according to values and codes and all these things because it's just who you are. 820 00:45:23.555 --> 00:45:26.295 It is your nature. You're a fucking good person. 821 00:45:28.530 --> 00:45:31.270 Like and, like, it's not up to you 822 00:45:31.730 --> 00:45:32.230 because 823 00:45:33.650 --> 00:45:34.150 because 824 00:45:34.850 --> 00:45:37.190 you're you as the ego you 825 00:45:38.130 --> 00:45:38.630 can't 826 00:45:39.730 --> 00:45:41.865 maybe ever feel safe, can't ever 827 00:45:42.665 --> 00:45:43.325 get it 828 00:45:43.705 --> 00:45:44.845 done, you as a soul 829 00:45:45.545 --> 00:45:48.845 can't get it can't do it wrong, can't not be safe. 830 00:45:49.145 --> 00:45:51.085 And so the more that you operate 831 00:45:51.465 --> 00:45:55.565 from the level of soul, which you do by connecting to little Marco, 832 00:45:57.549 --> 00:46:02.029 the more you don't need all that. I'm not saying it's wrong. I'm not saying stop doing it. 833 00:46:02.029 --> 00:46:03.970 I'm just saying it's a it's a coping. 834 00:46:04.349 --> 00:46:05.329 It's an adaptation 835 00:46:06.029 --> 00:46:08.609 to comp it's a compensation for the underlying 836 00:46:09.950 --> 00:46:12.609 mind bug of I'm not safe, and I'm all alone, 837 00:46:15.355 --> 00:46:16.335 and I'm not important 838 00:46:17.115 --> 00:46:18.015 to some extent. 839 00:46:19.914 --> 00:46:20.974 Does that make sense? 840 00:46:22.875 --> 00:46:23.535 It does. 841 00:46:28.890 --> 00:46:29.390 And 842 00:46:29.930 --> 00:46:31.450 I'm thinking about an answer. But 843 00:46:32.250 --> 00:46:33.310 You have the answer. 844 00:46:35.290 --> 00:46:36.990 See? No. But 845 00:46:37.610 --> 00:46:40.030 you're right. And and I do notice. 846 00:46:43.115 --> 00:46:43.615 But 847 00:46:44.234 --> 00:46:47.675 and and I just wanted we just saw a glimpse of another Marco's. 848 00:46:47.675 --> 00:46:55.295 When you when you get the recording of this, like, go back and look because that moment and just right now, like, that smile, there's a different Marco's there or Marco. 849 00:46:57.210 --> 00:46:59.150 Yeah. That that version. 850 00:47:00.570 --> 00:47:01.070 Yeah. 851 00:47:02.010 --> 00:47:04.570 Okay. I will definitely do this. So, 852 00:47:04.970 --> 00:47:07.770 I I I wanted to give because I I like to give, 853 00:47:08.250 --> 00:47:10.750 examples from real life or, expressions. 854 00:47:12.325 --> 00:47:14.825 I've been a consultant for, quite some years. 855 00:47:19.205 --> 00:47:22.985 I've always followed the principle. Look. If I don't have the answer, 856 00:47:23.365 --> 00:47:24.025 I will 857 00:47:24.405 --> 00:47:25.945 say to you, I don't know. 858 00:47:26.430 --> 00:47:28.770 But I do know how how to find the answer. 859 00:47:29.230 --> 00:47:29.730 Yeah. 860 00:47:32.270 --> 00:47:38.369 And I think that was also the motivation behind the the the whole coaching, thing I'm more I'm working out now. 861 00:47:38.430 --> 00:47:39.890 Even if I'm coaching, 862 00:47:40.645 --> 00:47:42.985 I do know that I still have work on myself. 863 00:47:43.365 --> 00:47:47.145 Mhmm. The coaches I've worked with, they're still in coaching with, 864 00:47:48.645 --> 00:47:49.145 probably, 865 00:47:49.685 --> 00:47:53.225 a little bit more expensive coaches than I can afford, but 866 00:47:53.685 --> 00:47:57.539 they're they're also still working on themselves. So as a human being, 867 00:47:58.480 --> 00:48:00.099 there's nothing wrong with working 868 00:48:01.279 --> 00:48:01.940 on yourself. 869 00:48:02.480 --> 00:48:04.740 There's nothing wrong with me working on myself. 870 00:48:05.520 --> 00:48:07.940 It's just, I think a healthy habits 871 00:48:09.275 --> 00:48:11.615 to notice, okay, there are some 872 00:48:11.995 --> 00:48:12.975 aspects of 873 00:48:13.275 --> 00:48:13.515 me. 874 00:48:13.515 --> 00:48:20.075 What me is my ego, and and it's not the ego of I'm the biggest boy of the the the baddest motherfucker in town. 875 00:48:20.555 --> 00:48:21.935 I'm not. I know. 876 00:48:23.580 --> 00:48:29.100 I like to make jokes, and for some people that that comes across as, as he is always posting, but 877 00:48:31.340 --> 00:48:33.260 and I know that's a coping too. So 878 00:48:35.525 --> 00:48:39.145 Yeah. And maybe you are the biggest, baddest motherfucker on the fucking planet. 879 00:48:40.965 --> 00:48:41.465 Well, 880 00:48:43.605 --> 00:48:47.765 I'm not sure about that, but, I don't think I'm the biggest pussy meter. So 881 00:48:50.405 --> 00:48:54.780 I I think you're way more incredible than you than you than you give yourself credit for. 882 00:48:55.720 --> 00:48:56.220 Well, 883 00:48:56.680 --> 00:48:57.500 I I 884 00:48:59.960 --> 00:49:01.660 I've started to to 885 00:49:03.875 --> 00:49:08.375 appreciate myself more and more and and and to be compassionate towards myself. 886 00:49:10.435 --> 00:49:11.575 And and also, 887 00:49:13.234 --> 00:49:17.690 I I can say it's, love myself more than I did before. 888 00:49:20.230 --> 00:49:20.990 The problem 889 00:49:21.430 --> 00:49:22.410 I the problem. 890 00:49:23.670 --> 00:49:27.590 One of the the the causes of of having that issue with with, 891 00:49:27.990 --> 00:49:33.075 yeah, still having that that feeling. I'm I'm not important enough. I'm not this. I'm not that. It's 892 00:49:33.714 --> 00:49:36.055 also, you I grew up in an environment. 893 00:49:36.674 --> 00:49:41.395 The slightest meaning of ambition or or bragging that you were good at something was, 894 00:49:42.710 --> 00:49:46.230 keep your mouth shut. Just do normal like, the rest of us. And, 895 00:49:47.109 --> 00:49:50.329 Yes. Then then you won't get into trouble. Well, 896 00:49:51.589 --> 00:49:52.569 spoiler alerts, 897 00:49:53.509 --> 00:49:54.945 it doesn't work that way. 898 00:49:55.345 --> 00:49:58.965 You got into trouble anyway. Yes. No. I'm very familiar. Yeah. 899 00:49:59.585 --> 00:50:00.405 Yeah, man. 900 00:50:01.505 --> 00:50:02.885 Yeah. So sweet. 901 00:50:05.825 --> 00:50:09.285 Yeah, man. You're you're just you're incredible. You're you're 902 00:50:09.930 --> 00:50:13.130 doing all the work. There's absolutely nothing wrong with doing the work. 903 00:50:13.130 --> 00:50:18.270 The only thing is to look out for is if it's coming from a a a frame of 904 00:50:19.050 --> 00:50:24.904 that that I'm wrong, I'm broken, and there's something to fix, then you're like, the more work you do, the more you're reinforcing 905 00:50:25.444 --> 00:50:27.785 the lie that there's anything to fix. 906 00:50:28.724 --> 00:50:31.285 There's nothing fixed. There's nothing broken about you. 907 00:50:31.285 --> 00:50:35.625 It's just that, you know, there's some some mind bugs and some some patterns 908 00:50:36.490 --> 00:50:40.570 that are not serving you, and we can get awareness of those, and then we can clear them. 909 00:50:40.570 --> 00:50:43.070 But you're not fucking broken, man. You are 910 00:50:43.690 --> 00:50:45.230 you're a tough motherfucker 911 00:50:45.690 --> 00:50:48.830 and with a ginormous heart and an incredible, 912 00:50:49.530 --> 00:50:50.190 you know, 913 00:50:50.545 --> 00:50:51.045 strong 914 00:50:51.585 --> 00:50:52.085 mind. 915 00:50:54.065 --> 00:50:55.365 Well, I believe this. 916 00:50:55.905 --> 00:50:56.405 Yeah. 917 00:50:57.105 --> 00:51:02.485 Fucking true, man. No. Thank thank you. I appreciate it. And you're a fucking amazing father, 918 00:51:03.330 --> 00:51:10.070 Whether your daughter or your ex wife or their her mother recognizes it or not, you are an incredible fucking father. 919 00:51:10.610 --> 00:51:11.590 Well, it's 920 00:51:12.530 --> 00:51:14.310 it's it's lovely that you say that. 921 00:51:17.570 --> 00:51:18.310 I I 922 00:51:19.065 --> 00:51:23.565 I I can honestly admit, and and that's also one of the reasons that I 923 00:51:23.865 --> 00:51:25.405 am working on this thing. 924 00:51:26.345 --> 00:51:27.885 I've walked around for 925 00:51:33.000 --> 00:51:37.340 Five, six years with the ID, I'm the world's most lousiest 926 00:51:37.720 --> 00:51:39.580 fraudster that there can be. 927 00:51:39.960 --> 00:51:40.460 Yeah. 928 00:51:42.200 --> 00:51:42.700 And 929 00:51:44.195 --> 00:51:45.015 a little anecdote 930 00:51:45.475 --> 00:51:47.335 at at a at a point, 931 00:51:47.635 --> 00:51:48.994 I was having a talk with my, 932 00:51:49.715 --> 00:51:50.695 with my wife. 933 00:51:51.155 --> 00:51:51.655 Mhmm. 934 00:51:54.515 --> 00:51:55.175 And then 935 00:51:56.195 --> 00:51:57.735 she addressed it to me. 936 00:51:58.755 --> 00:51:59.255 And 937 00:51:59.950 --> 00:52:03.810 I don't know the exact words anymore, but she said something in like, 938 00:52:06.190 --> 00:52:09.810 why are you thinking that of of yourself? I've seen you busy 939 00:52:10.190 --> 00:52:14.210 with your kids. I see you busy with your nephew, with your niece, with 940 00:52:15.035 --> 00:52:15.935 auto kits. 941 00:52:19.835 --> 00:52:21.755 Dude. And then there there there came a, 942 00:52:23.035 --> 00:52:25.435 kind of joke. My uterus is rambling. So 943 00:52:27.750 --> 00:52:30.650 but that that that was one of the biggest comp, compliments, 944 00:52:31.350 --> 00:52:34.010 somebody has ever given to me. And and 945 00:52:35.510 --> 00:52:37.130 that that was a moment I cried. 946 00:52:37.750 --> 00:52:38.250 Yeah. 947 00:52:39.270 --> 00:52:40.010 Yeah, man. 948 00:52:40.695 --> 00:52:41.195 You 949 00:52:42.695 --> 00:52:43.195 are. 950 00:52:44.695 --> 00:52:46.315 You are. And it's like 951 00:52:46.855 --> 00:52:47.355 you, 952 00:52:51.015 --> 00:52:54.859 doing the work that you're doing is such an incredible gift 953 00:52:55.480 --> 00:52:56.380 to your daughter. 954 00:52:58.280 --> 00:53:01.980 Whether she recognizes it or not, whether she, 955 00:53:02.680 --> 00:53:03.180 like, 956 00:53:03.960 --> 00:53:04.619 you know, 957 00:53:06.045 --> 00:53:11.505 expresses it even like values it or not. Like, it doesn't matter. And just, you were connected, 958 00:53:12.285 --> 00:53:14.944 you know, through our lineage. And so you 959 00:53:15.885 --> 00:53:24.819 working through the pain, the, the, the stuff that you've been going through is is impacting her in incredible ways, and just most people don't do that. 960 00:53:24.819 --> 00:53:26.680 Most people don't even go near that, 961 00:53:26.980 --> 00:53:27.880 as you know. 962 00:53:29.539 --> 00:53:31.960 Make sure you're I do. Is not done. Yeah. 963 00:53:33.245 --> 00:53:33.745 Well, 964 00:53:35.965 --> 00:53:39.825 I've I can honestly say I I I can't control what she's thinking. 965 00:53:43.005 --> 00:53:45.985 I I also made a choice at a at a certain moment 966 00:53:47.000 --> 00:53:49.180 to accept the situation for what it is. 967 00:53:49.480 --> 00:53:49.980 Mhmm. 968 00:53:51.559 --> 00:53:53.900 But also with a sense of, 969 00:53:54.680 --> 00:53:56.220 compassion and and forgiveness. 970 00:53:59.720 --> 00:54:00.220 And 971 00:54:02.145 --> 00:54:06.165 you have the expression there there's a ton of weight that drops off your shoulder. 972 00:54:06.865 --> 00:54:07.585 I've had, 973 00:54:07.985 --> 00:54:10.485 I've had that feeling the last two, three years, 974 00:54:11.745 --> 00:54:12.405 a lot. 975 00:54:13.185 --> 00:54:16.099 Mhmm. So if you're saying you're still tense, 976 00:54:16.800 --> 00:54:19.300 I can assure you it was way worse. 977 00:54:19.920 --> 00:54:22.579 Yeah. I believe you. I believe you. 978 00:54:22.640 --> 00:54:26.260 But just look if you go when you go back and look at the recording, look at your forehead 979 00:54:26.640 --> 00:54:28.900 when we first started talking versus now. 980 00:54:30.165 --> 00:54:31.065 Okay. Yeah. 981 00:54:32.165 --> 00:54:38.005 It's you're a beautiful man, Marco. And and that that young Marco, he's he needs you. 982 00:54:38.005 --> 00:54:40.565 I have a book that I've been working on for years. 983 00:54:40.565 --> 00:54:43.045 I'm not actively working on it, but I wanna get it out at some point. 984 00:54:43.045 --> 00:54:45.180 It's the title is Be the Dad You Never Had. 985 00:54:46.140 --> 00:54:46.960 Had. Yeah. 986 00:54:47.260 --> 00:54:50.800 So the journey of, like, being a dad to that little boy inside 987 00:54:51.180 --> 00:54:54.000 that he didn't have. Like, what would the dream father 988 00:54:54.700 --> 00:54:55.920 be like for him 989 00:54:56.220 --> 00:54:58.160 and then be that for him today? 990 00:54:59.055 --> 00:55:02.115 Right. And that's also again, fatherhood, right? 991 00:55:03.055 --> 00:55:03.795 That's true. 992 00:55:04.175 --> 00:55:04.675 Yeah. 993 00:55:05.214 --> 00:55:09.875 So just tap into that. Like, what would, what would be the ideal father 994 00:55:10.815 --> 00:55:12.035 for him, for Marco 995 00:55:13.650 --> 00:55:15.109 have been like? And his 996 00:55:15.650 --> 00:55:19.910 go go talk go sit with Marco every day. Set aside ten minutes 997 00:55:20.530 --> 00:55:23.210 to just mentally connect with him, hold him Yep. 998 00:55:23.410 --> 00:55:26.710 Feel him, and be that fucking dad for him that he never had. 999 00:55:30.155 --> 00:55:30.655 Yeah. 1000 00:55:32.475 --> 00:55:36.575 I I I I have to smile because I did that exercise a while ago. 1001 00:55:36.955 --> 00:55:41.195 Yeah. I can I can, I can answer that question quite good? So 1002 00:55:42.099 --> 00:55:45.720 That's sweet. But then just do it. Keep doing it. Keep showing up. 1003 00:55:46.180 --> 00:55:47.460 Make it a make it a practice. 1004 00:55:47.460 --> 00:55:51.400 There's something about consistency there that really changes the game. 1005 00:55:52.180 --> 00:55:54.040 So get into your body. 1006 00:55:54.980 --> 00:55:55.480 True. 1007 00:55:56.065 --> 00:55:57.845 Yeah. Our our body says 1008 00:55:58.625 --> 00:56:00.065 our body says a lot about, 1009 00:56:00.465 --> 00:56:01.445 how we feel. 1010 00:56:01.825 --> 00:56:05.285 Dude, and so And what stuck? And, you know, since you're in 1011 00:56:05.585 --> 00:56:12.880 in Europe, if you wanted to pop up to Copenhagen, I would highly recommend that you do that and go get somebody SDS up there. 1012 00:56:14.140 --> 00:56:21.040 Because that's that's been the one thing that more than anything else has helped me really get out of my head into my body 1013 00:56:21.579 --> 00:56:24.815 with all this. And what what was it in Copenhagen? 1014 00:56:25.195 --> 00:56:26.335 It's called Body 1015 00:56:26.715 --> 00:56:27.215 SDS. 1016 00:56:28.155 --> 00:56:29.295 Body SDS. 1017 00:56:29.675 --> 00:56:33.855 Yeah. Bot b o d I d y, body hyphen s d 1018 00:56:34.955 --> 00:56:37.055 s as in self development system 1019 00:56:37.560 --> 00:56:41.400 dot e d. If you're interested, just hit me up on email. I can connect you with the people there. 1020 00:56:41.400 --> 00:56:42.220 It's incredible. 1021 00:56:46.120 --> 00:56:49.100 Just, saved it. So Yeah. Sweet. 1022 00:56:49.800 --> 00:56:53.260 Oh, yeah. We'll, have a look at it. Thanks for the recommendation. 1023 00:56:53.855 --> 00:56:55.954 You bet. So what's what's, 1024 00:56:57.214 --> 00:56:58.655 what's something that you know is true now? 1025 00:56:58.655 --> 00:57:00.914 Or what's one thing that you take with you from this conversation? 1026 00:57:05.790 --> 00:57:08.050 I have value. I'm a good person. 1027 00:57:08.430 --> 00:57:08.930 And 1028 00:57:09.710 --> 00:57:10.830 Okay. I'm just 1029 00:57:14.910 --> 00:57:18.450 that's not due to this talk, but I'm now doing those things, 1030 00:57:21.445 --> 00:57:21.945 which 1031 00:57:22.645 --> 00:57:25.145 enable me to to I I 1032 00:57:25.605 --> 00:57:27.625 to be that good person, to, 1033 00:57:32.200 --> 00:57:34.300 Not not to show off to other people 1034 00:57:34.760 --> 00:57:39.340 because the I I know I'd I've tried to do that, in the past, but 1035 00:57:40.520 --> 00:57:41.340 that's exhausting. 1036 00:57:41.720 --> 00:57:43.180 I don't feel like it anymore. 1037 00:57:45.635 --> 00:57:48.835 No. It also doesn't matter. One of my favorite quotes is Byron Katie. 1038 00:57:48.835 --> 00:57:50.615 Have you ever read any of her stuff? 1039 00:57:51.555 --> 00:57:53.335 Byron Katie. No. Not yet. 1040 00:57:53.635 --> 00:57:54.994 No. Alright. Check her out. 1041 00:57:54.994 --> 00:57:59.095 But she has one of her things she says is, like, whenever I walk into her room, 1042 00:58:00.980 --> 00:58:03.079 I know that everybody everybody 1043 00:58:03.940 --> 00:58:05.319 there loves me. 1044 00:58:06.500 --> 00:58:10.200 Everybody loves me. They they just might not have realized it yet. 1045 00:58:11.299 --> 00:58:13.400 That's a that's a nice, philosophy. 1046 00:58:14.265 --> 00:58:14.765 Yeah. 1047 00:58:15.065 --> 00:58:16.125 It's also true. 1048 00:58:17.305 --> 00:58:23.164 Because at the core, all of us are love. Pure love. That's it. So, of course, they love me. 1049 00:58:23.865 --> 00:58:26.845 But they might be stuck in their mind books, so might might disagree. 1050 00:58:33.400 --> 00:58:35.260 I'm I'm remembering that one. 1051 00:58:35.720 --> 00:58:37.799 I'm going to to look, up her, 1052 00:58:38.279 --> 00:58:39.019 her stuff. 1053 00:58:39.480 --> 00:58:43.260 And remember too by the way, this goes too for your daughter and her mother. 1054 00:58:43.685 --> 00:58:45.305 They fucking love you too. 1055 00:58:45.685 --> 00:58:50.105 They're just very confused about it and very confused about how they're expressing it, but that's the truth. 1056 00:58:56.260 --> 00:58:57.160 I get it. 1057 00:58:58.420 --> 00:58:58.920 Yeah. 1058 00:58:59.780 --> 00:59:00.180 Oh, 1059 00:59:00.740 --> 00:59:03.560 but it no. Maybe just to add something, 1060 00:59:05.700 --> 00:59:08.760 not not not to to to go off track with the lofting. 1061 00:59:09.220 --> 00:59:10.440 But I learned also, 1062 00:59:11.744 --> 00:59:14.244 and that's also one of those mind books. We we 1063 00:59:14.625 --> 00:59:15.105 think 1064 00:59:15.664 --> 00:59:16.244 we extremely 1065 00:59:16.704 --> 00:59:17.204 hard 1066 00:59:17.984 --> 00:59:20.964 care about what others would think about us. 1067 00:59:21.424 --> 00:59:22.645 But when you actually 1068 00:59:23.265 --> 00:59:24.164 when I realized 1069 00:59:25.610 --> 00:59:30.590 that most people after five minutes are already forgotten who I am. Mhmm. Totally. 1070 00:59:31.770 --> 00:59:32.270 And 1071 00:59:32.650 --> 00:59:38.350 add to that, brother, the the only thing that you're worried that they think about you is what you already believe about yourself. 1072 00:59:39.744 --> 00:59:41.365 That's true. Mhmm. 1073 00:59:41.744 --> 00:59:45.105 And that brings the cycle back to the point that I I said. 1074 00:59:45.105 --> 00:59:48.244 You're responsible for the choice you make, how you behave, 1075 00:59:49.265 --> 00:59:50.645 how you look at the world 1076 00:59:52.349 --> 00:59:58.769 because it it's race out of you towards other people, and they start treating you like that. Mhmm. 1077 00:59:59.470 --> 01:00:00.450 Yeah. So 1078 01:00:02.430 --> 01:00:02.930 Yeah. 1079 01:00:03.230 --> 01:00:04.210 That's a fact. 1080 01:00:04.829 --> 01:00:05.329 Mhmm. 1081 01:00:05.845 --> 01:00:07.865 Yeah, man. But in each case, 1082 01:00:09.605 --> 01:00:12.905 I'm highly convinced the world can use a little bit more of law. 1083 01:00:13.685 --> 01:00:14.185 Yeah. 1084 01:00:15.205 --> 01:00:16.585 For sure. Yeah. 1085 01:00:17.525 --> 01:00:19.945 Alright, my man. It was a pleasure to be with you. 1086 01:00:20.550 --> 01:00:24.250 It was a pleasure talking to you. So, I'm really excited to see, 1087 01:00:25.190 --> 01:00:26.570 the final version of this. 1088 01:00:27.190 --> 01:00:27.690 And, 1089 01:00:28.310 --> 01:00:28.810 well, 1090 01:00:29.270 --> 01:00:33.770 hope we stay in touch. Me too. Yeah. Email me. Let me know how you're doing. 1091 01:00:34.865 --> 01:00:36.484 I will certainly do that. 1092 01:00:36.865 --> 01:00:37.365 Cool. 1093 01:00:37.744 --> 01:00:41.984 Yeah. Yeah. Keep me posted. Alright, man. Okay. Meet you, brother. Thanks, Calvin. Bye bye. 1094 01:00:41.984 --> 01:00:43.125 Love you. You're fantastic. 1095 01:00:44.385 --> 01:00:46.005 You too. See you.