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This is just picture day. Should be happy.

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But if you look really close I see it. What was he scared of?

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Failure meant

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death.

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In my world, you're either a creator or you're a victim of circumstance.

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We can sell people what they want and then we can actually deliver what we know they need.

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That's really cool. The hardest addiction to break is the addiction to suffering.

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What if it's not you doing the work? What if it's not me doing the work?

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You commit to showing up and giving your best, but it's not really you doing the work.

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It's God doing the work through you. You're just the best. I'm not worried about messing up.

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I think I'm really worried about it working out, and I don't really want life to be good.

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I talk about what I call the big pill, which is the moment you realize that you've been keeping yourself miserable to prove a point of how you were a victim.

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And the moment you stop that, you have to own that you fucking did this to yourself for, like, however many years it is.

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Welcome, everybody, to another episode of

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the podcast. I'm here with Ricky Scruggs,

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and we'll see where this conversation goes. Ricky, welcome to the show. Thank you.

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Tell us a little bit about your business, and tell us I wanna understand what you do, where you're at currently, where you wanna be so that we can close that gap.

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Wonderful. Wonderful. Yeah. So I do, individual coaching one on one,

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to

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a myriad of of

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people, but it's basically people who,

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feel there's a gap between,

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their performance, how how well they're bringing, how they're showing up versus,

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how well they think they show up. And some people

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identify it as needing relationship coaching. Some people are like, I want business coaching.

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Some people are athletes and they want

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but for me, I know that it all comes down to,

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their identity and and seeing themselves in the right light,

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in light of their faith, and then understanding some

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some

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things that I think are misunderstood

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as we're growing up in the church and as we're growing up in just life

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about

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what's okay and what's not okay,

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in, you know,

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biblically, I guess. And so I sorta help people

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have permission to be

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all they think they they're supposed to be. You know? Mhmm.

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And they don't know that they didn't

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have permission.

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So it's a little bit really it's really difficult to market and advertise

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something that people don't know is their problem.

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Yeah. So that's been a real challenge for me is,

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you know, do I

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put this thing in a shell of peak performance

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or a shell of, you know, relationship coaching? Or what what is the

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because what's really happening is

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I help them figure out who who they are and and remove

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their misconceptions

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about

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god's idea of what they what they should be.

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Yeah. Alright. Perfect. I'm I'm I'm tracking.

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So curious what got you into that business?

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I was

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a professional baseball player, and then I was

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a a bit of a a success in sales,

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in the car business and, wasn't fulfilled. Didn't feel good about that, but it was it I did fit in

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it like a glove. You know? I did I did really, really well,

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in that. And so

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at one point, I quit a $150,000

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job,

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and I

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decided to open the first

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indoor baseball academy here at Tucson, Arizona,

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and I didn't go small. I did a 18,000 square foot building. I put my own money into it, kinda

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risked everything for this business, and it and it turned out to be a wonderful thing.

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Through that, I met some phenomenal people

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who helped open my eyes, and one guy, came down and helped me with the academy who I played pro baseball with, guy named Jim Murphy.

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And

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in the car business, I had learned all these principles sort of,

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they would send me off to these expensive seminars, and I learned,

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you know, your basics of,

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personal development

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and Mhmm. Things that I didn't know when I was playing baseball. And so Mhmm.

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Started teaching these things, actually, little kids.

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And it was the same thing I'm teaching now, identity based

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sort of understanding your thermometer that keeps you where you are and all that stuff. And,

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I mean, I'm talking like it it your audience probably knows

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a little bit about

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personal development. But, anyway and so,

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the guy who came down, Jim Murphy,

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we went in separate directions because I got sort of, had a really powerful,

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salvation experience or born again experience, if you will, right after opening the the the business.

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And so I changed direction. I made the business really about

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what we offer to people

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internally,

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even kids and families and all that stuff. And so it became a very mission driven

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business, and,

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I went on to go into the ministry. And the other guy who started a, mental skills sort of,

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for athletes.

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But I I was

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what I like to think was when I was coaching him,

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we're coaching each other, and we stayed really in touch, I mean, a lot. And,

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he wrote a book called inner excellence, and

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he influenced me greatly. I'll just say that.

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He would call me

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and with these

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top golfers in the world and,

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share the challenges and the situations, and I would share with him my insights.

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I was always a little bit more on the biblical side, and, he was in the peak performance, very good middle skills.

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And, he convinced me to go and learn NLP, which is, their linguistic programming, so I went and got certified in NLP.

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All of this to me was to help me minister and counsel

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in that. And as I,

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moved up in the ministry and got higher up, I realized that was also

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I thought I was leaving the corporate world and all the different stuff, but it was really

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quite similar as far as the different problems and stuff like that.

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And so ended up leaving the ministry.

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And when I did, while I was in the ministry, I had one of my kids

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call me.

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The parents said he's struggling in college. He sorta lost his scholarship and losing,

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his confidence. And can you work with him? And I'm like, yeah.

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They insisted on paying me because she's like, I know if I pay you, I know you'll you'll give it the time that and so she insisted on paying me, and the kid became you know, he walked on at a division one school, became an all American, led the nation and all that stuff.

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And so, using the principles I learned from my buddy, Jim,

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and helping him write his book and just

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I realized when I got out of the ministry, I'm like, well, what else would I do?

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I already helped him with his sales process and with his business.

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And so I had already seen the path to,

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to that. And so that's what I went into, and it's and it's been good.

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When did you start then?

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About five years. I'd say,

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2020,

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2022. Probably 2022, seriously. But I started coaching with him while I was still in in 2016, 2017.

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I started writing a book back then, and I, you know, never finished it until now, till recently.

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And, yeah, stuff like that. I I've never been a really driven person when it comes to,

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you know There's a clock. Learning more about myself all the time. What's the title of the book?

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What's that? What's the title of the book? The champion within,

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overcoming approval addiction and competing with greatness.

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Okay.

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Approval addiction.

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Yes. So that sounds like that was your path. Approval addiction.

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Yeah. That was what it was, and I never,

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I haven't, like, studied that term. That just that's the term I I lay I labeled it with. Yeah.

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That makes sense. In the book, there's a line that says pride was my drug,

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and, approval was my dealer or approval was my drug and pride was my dealer. I can't remember which.

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Makes sense. Yeah. I think a lot of people can relate.

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So okay. So,

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where are you at in your business, and where do you wanna be?

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I am,

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to be very transparent, I'm very stuck right now.

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Mhmm. I was really successful. I got you know, I had some $15,000

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months

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before I finished the book and,

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you know, I was doing some leadership training.

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I was doing a lot of different things, and I was really

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yeah. I don't know.

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And so then I I really focused on the book for about six months and didn't really try any growth.

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And then, it's it kinda shrank a little bit.

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And oddly, as I get more and more sure because the book really made me sure more sure about what it is I do.

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And you're supposed to niche down and you're supposed to be very clear about that.

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But the the clearer I've gotten on it, the less I've been able to,

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just sort of sell people and and and and grow my business.

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And so, you know, I'm at a point now where, of course, I wanna scale and I wanna do group coaching and and, Mhmm.

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But I don't know if I'm that personality that would have a community and how all these things going.

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Mhmm. In certain genres

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certain genres are I'm like a fish in water, but it doesn't feel really authentic.

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Yeah. So it's just I'm kinda, like, in a spot right now Mhmm. Trying to figure out what to do.

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So

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the the group thing, if you're that kind of person, like, what is it? What kind of person is that?

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What make and what?

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I think what holds me up is a is a really limiting belief around not wanting to let people down or or being able to to come through.

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And so Mhmm. I I have trouble making commitments.

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I'm gonna get this fly. I'm telling you what.

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I know that feeling, man. It's it's she's really upsetting me.

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Anyway, so, yeah, I think I think Is your is your meditation teacher?

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Yeah. I guess. Fun. Yeah. This guy needs to go.

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Never have a flying ear, and I don't get a podcast going on, and he just decides.

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So, anyway, it it it I've analyzed it to death, which is one of my tendencies,

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and I,

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have kinda figured out that,

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it's a fear of committing to something that that is unknown to me

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as to the delivery of it. I know one on one, I deliver something

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very impactful.

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Mhmm.

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And but it's it looks different for all my different clients and stuff like that. And, Mhmm.

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I would I would say there is a

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So what is it you would commit to that you wouldn't feel comfortable committing to?

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Just this group of people that seems out of control.

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Like, it's like it's like it'd be it it's a little bit outside of my comfort zone to sign people up for something and then not really know

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how that would be delivered

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Mhmm. In a group setting. Or,

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you know,

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you know, I've thought about courses and things like that, and it just you know, for some reason, I'm not

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taking action or going following through with it. I just keep staying doing doing what I know. Mhmm.

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I mean, there's a there's a very simple

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way reframe way to look at this. Right? So

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what if it's not you doing the work?

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What if it's not me doing the work? Yeah.

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Well, then it sounds like I might have to rely on someone else, which is Which could be what? Could

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be a a scary place to be. A terror territory.

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I'm not I'm not that fond of that.

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What could you rely on?

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What could I rely on? Mhmm. Or who?

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There's lots of people on, you know What if it's not a person?

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Obviously, God. You rely on God. That's what I'm talking about. Well, of course.

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Yeah.

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Right? So what if, like,

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what if it's not up to you? I mean, you you you commit to showing up

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and giving your best, but it's not you really you doing the work.

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It's God doing the work through you. You're just Yeah. A 100%. I mean, a 100%.

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And then I guess what I'm saying is I feel that in the individual setting. I feel that that is

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a calling and that it works. Mhmm. I guess I haven't determined

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whether I'm just trying to scale up or trying to make more money or why I'm trying to, you know or whether I actually feel God is gonna make a bigger impact through these groups.

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I guess if I was convinced that it was,

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convinced that it was God, I'd be a lot more apt to take that plunge.

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Yeah. Yeah.

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I don't know why it wouldn't be if there's nothing saying it isn't, but I don't have the confirmation that it is.

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Right. But, like, again, like, that's you, the human you, asking for confirmation for proof.

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Like, how is that faith? What is that?

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Yeah. I don't know if, you know, in in the Christian world, they call it putting on a fleece.

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I don't know that I've actually done that either. So, yeah,

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like I said, I I I've been

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I think I'm in this information

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overload mode, finding out what this looks like, how are people do how do people do this, and I'm just having pulled the trigger to actually Totally.

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I get it. Something.

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Yeah. You got it in your head about it. Yeah. Yeah. And I also have a a little challenge with,

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technology and some of the some actual challenges that are,

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that are pretty real when it comes to

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all that stuff. Like, you know, Simplero is, for me, this world that's kinda like,

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not mysterious, but a little little hard to navigate, you know, for me to see the whole big picture.

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I I have this tendency to wanna understand

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every single thing and all the moving parts and how it works together

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Right. Before I leap.

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Yeah. Which is all part of the same pattern. So when do you learn that

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growing up?

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Or is your childhood experience like When you had to be completely independent on your own, and and, it's not a very I did.

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Did I?

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Did I have to be in did I have to be completely independent on my own? Is that what you're saying?

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No. I'm saying I that's where I learned. I thought that when you said, where do you learn it?

229
00:13:55.615 --> 00:13:57.314
Ricky, my friend, you said you.

230
00:13:57.935 --> 00:13:58.915
You said you.

231
00:14:01.774 --> 00:14:04.274
So tell me about it. What was that like? What happened?

232
00:14:04.735 --> 00:14:05.694
What I was,

233
00:14:06.660 --> 00:14:08.120
I was completely,

234
00:14:09.620 --> 00:14:15.940
alone and and pretty unsafe as a child. Mhmm. I'm just really figuring that out. Going on.

235
00:14:15.940 --> 00:14:19.079
Did you were your parents gone? Was, Latch typical

236
00:14:19.620 --> 00:14:21.959
single dad. My dad raised me by himself.

237
00:14:22.334 --> 00:14:23.714
Mhmm. Where's your mom?

238
00:14:24.095 --> 00:14:25.795
She left when I was, like, two.

239
00:14:26.254 --> 00:14:26.754
Mhmm.

240
00:14:27.454 --> 00:14:29.954
Was she in your life at all? Or where did she leave to?

241
00:14:30.415 --> 00:14:30.975
She just

242
00:14:31.694 --> 00:14:38.140
my dad and her split, and I never saw her again until I was 26, 27 years old. So yeah.

243
00:14:38.140 --> 00:14:40.080
And then I had a stepmom in my life

244
00:14:40.620 --> 00:14:42.800
in in the interim from, like,

245
00:14:43.180 --> 00:14:44.080
five to

246
00:14:44.540 --> 00:14:47.840
when I left, which was 16,

247
00:14:47.980 --> 00:14:53.105
17 years old. Mhmm. Right after high school. So yeah. And so, you know, what

248
00:14:54.385 --> 00:14:56.965
And what was your relationship with your with your dad like?

249
00:14:59.185 --> 00:15:00.325
I would say good.

250
00:15:01.025 --> 00:15:03.365
I really good, actually. I mean, he's

251
00:15:04.130 --> 00:15:04.630
probably,

252
00:15:05.090 --> 00:15:06.230
nice to a fault

253
00:15:06.850 --> 00:15:11.190
Mhmm. Type person. Yeah. So what what was it how how did that boy feel?

254
00:15:13.890 --> 00:15:14.390
Alone.

255
00:15:15.490 --> 00:15:15.990
Mhmm.

256
00:15:18.130 --> 00:15:18.630
Mhmm.

257
00:15:19.134 --> 00:15:20.755
And what was your relationship with the stepmom?

258
00:15:21.855 --> 00:15:24.274
Nonexistent. Just she was an obstacle.

259
00:15:25.214 --> 00:15:25.714
Obstacle.

260
00:15:26.975 --> 00:15:27.475
She

261
00:15:29.375 --> 00:15:32.115
there was a no affection. No anything. Just,

262
00:15:33.410 --> 00:15:35.110
yeah, just not a good relationship.

263
00:15:35.490 --> 00:15:36.710
Obstacle to what?

264
00:15:37.410 --> 00:15:40.390
To just about anything that I wanted or needed.

265
00:15:41.250 --> 00:15:43.190
Your dad's attention or

266
00:15:43.650 --> 00:15:44.210
food or

267
00:15:45.735 --> 00:15:46.235
food.

268
00:15:47.255 --> 00:15:47.755
No.

269
00:15:48.455 --> 00:15:50.475
Yeah. All of it just you know,

270
00:15:51.895 --> 00:15:56.215
my dad made sure that I played sports and that I, you know, was able to do that stuff.

271
00:15:56.215 --> 00:16:00.795
But other than sports, I didn't really have you know, I was pretty much just by myself and

272
00:16:01.170 --> 00:16:01.670
and,

273
00:16:02.329 --> 00:16:03.670
and, like I said,

274
00:16:04.690 --> 00:16:06.230
roaming the roaming the world,

275
00:16:07.089 --> 00:16:08.230
trying to figure it out.

276
00:16:08.690 --> 00:16:09.190
Mhmm.

277
00:16:10.770 --> 00:16:12.630
Got it. So, yeah, you're feeling

278
00:16:13.490 --> 00:16:14.790
not safe and alone

279
00:16:15.315 --> 00:16:18.535
at home? I didn't I didn't know that, mind you. I took on a very

280
00:16:19.075 --> 00:16:19.575
confident

281
00:16:21.075 --> 00:16:23.255
bravado. Very, very confident bravado

282
00:16:23.795 --> 00:16:24.295
and,

283
00:16:24.595 --> 00:16:27.175
you know, don't mess with me type thing.

284
00:16:27.570 --> 00:16:28.070
Mhmm.

285
00:16:28.450 --> 00:16:33.430
Did you have to keep the peace in the family or, like, be a certain way for your dad or your stepmom?

286
00:16:33.490 --> 00:16:33.650
Or

287
00:16:35.490 --> 00:16:37.570
No. I wouldn't say I played that role at all.

288
00:16:37.570 --> 00:16:41.750
I mean, I didn't I wasn't rooting for their success, so it didn't I didn't try to

289
00:16:42.075 --> 00:16:47.375
inter interject into the fight. But I, you know, I was privy to fights, privy to

290
00:16:47.915 --> 00:16:49.775
to my dad's pain, a lot of pain.

291
00:16:50.475 --> 00:16:55.115
Mhmm. Your dad was in a lot of pain. Yeah. Yeah. I always, you know, thought

292
00:16:57.060 --> 00:17:00.520
yeah. I, so I tried to be different, tried to be stronger,

293
00:17:01.380 --> 00:17:02.020
tried to be,

294
00:17:03.700 --> 00:17:04.599
really independent.

295
00:17:05.380 --> 00:17:06.599
Mhmm. Yeah.

296
00:17:06.980 --> 00:17:09.160
What kind of pain were you, was your dad in?

297
00:17:13.365 --> 00:17:15.144
Nice guys finished last, I think.

298
00:17:15.684 --> 00:17:18.505
That's not true, but that's a a saying for a reason. Right?

299
00:17:18.644 --> 00:17:22.804
And so he was just trying to be a good guy. I mean, he went he went to work every day.

300
00:17:22.804 --> 00:17:26.585
He did the right things. He did all he could and just, you know,

301
00:17:27.640 --> 00:17:28.780
couldn't have peace.

302
00:17:29.560 --> 00:17:30.060
Yeah.

303
00:17:31.960 --> 00:17:34.700
What do you think was going on to him that that was his behavior?

304
00:17:35.800 --> 00:17:36.440
I think he,

305
00:17:38.840 --> 00:17:41.420
was just trying to follow the pattern that he thought was

306
00:17:42.775 --> 00:17:45.995
pattern to get peace and to do the right thing and to,

307
00:17:46.535 --> 00:17:48.475
you know, raise his kid.

308
00:17:49.175 --> 00:17:50.475
Right. Do you have siblings?

309
00:17:51.415 --> 00:17:55.895
I have a younger brother who's ten years younger than me from a stepmom we're talking about.

310
00:17:55.895 --> 00:18:00.530
And then I have a sister who's twenty five years younger than me, a different,

311
00:18:01.710 --> 00:18:02.210
female.

312
00:18:03.070 --> 00:18:04.210
So Got it.

313
00:18:04.910 --> 00:18:07.410
My dad had three failed three failed marriages.

314
00:18:08.990 --> 00:18:10.530
Got it. So, yeah, so the

315
00:18:11.164 --> 00:18:14.465
the middle one is from your dad and your stepmom.

316
00:18:15.565 --> 00:18:17.745
Yeah. Excuse me one second. Yeah.

317
00:18:19.885 --> 00:18:21.005
I bet this thing is

318
00:18:24.900 --> 00:18:26.200
I know the feeling.

319
00:18:26.900 --> 00:18:28.280
I just wanna get him.

320
00:18:28.740 --> 00:18:30.980
He stayed there for a long time, and I was like, I'm gonna

321
00:18:31.700 --> 00:18:34.680
because I can get him. But, anyway, sorry. Yeah.

322
00:18:35.140 --> 00:18:36.280
No. I know the feeling.

323
00:18:38.515 --> 00:18:41.475
It reminds me of this meditation book I read years ago.

324
00:18:41.475 --> 00:18:46.915
It was like, you know, you're meditating and then, like, but what if a flies, you know, lands on me?

325
00:18:46.915 --> 00:18:51.570
And it's like it's like, that is your meditation. Like, can you just be still

326
00:18:52.769 --> 00:18:56.870
and focus on your breath and ignore the fucking fly? And it's so Yeah.

327
00:18:57.490 --> 00:19:01.509
So hard. Yeah. I get it. Okay. Okay. So

328
00:19:02.210 --> 00:19:04.870
so that makes sense. So so, yeah, like,

329
00:19:05.490 --> 00:19:05.990
the

330
00:19:08.945 --> 00:19:10.165
not safe alone,

331
00:19:11.185 --> 00:19:15.845
a feeling that it's all on you. Right? You need to you need to be in control. You need to

332
00:19:16.305 --> 00:19:19.845
take charge of things. You need to be strong also. Right? You can't,

333
00:19:22.150 --> 00:19:24.230
you can't be vulnerable. You can't show your feelings.

334
00:19:24.230 --> 00:19:26.890
Is that that's I mean, that's part of what I'm hearing.

335
00:19:27.510 --> 00:19:30.650
For me, I think because I never got any intention,

336
00:19:30.950 --> 00:19:33.850
some of the only times I did was when there was

337
00:19:34.405 --> 00:19:35.145
real problems.

338
00:19:36.005 --> 00:19:38.025
So the tendency is to,

339
00:19:40.245 --> 00:19:46.585
you know, I was either performing really, really well or doing something I get attention from that or, you know,

340
00:19:47.100 --> 00:19:49.760
and then or when there's real problems. So

341
00:19:50.380 --> 00:19:55.840
showing my emotions. So showing negative emotions was, you know, sort of my MO to try to,

342
00:19:56.220 --> 00:19:56.880
you know

343
00:19:57.500 --> 00:20:00.380
Mhmm. Fix things or get or get some sort of attention. So,

344
00:20:01.745 --> 00:20:08.485
yeah, I've done a lot of work obviously through coaching and through everything to figure out, you know, these tendencies and and,

345
00:20:09.665 --> 00:20:11.285
try different things instead of

346
00:20:11.825 --> 00:20:13.045
complaining or,

347
00:20:14.465 --> 00:20:14.965
Mhmm.

348
00:20:15.480 --> 00:20:19.980
You know, sitting in in negative motions and stuff like that. Yeah. But yeah.

349
00:20:21.160 --> 00:20:21.660
Yeah.

350
00:20:22.360 --> 00:20:26.540
What did you what what do you make it mean? What did did, like,

351
00:20:27.000 --> 00:20:32.655
two year old, five year old, Reiki make it mean that his mom left and you didn't have any contact with her?

352
00:20:33.195 --> 00:20:34.335
Oh, a 100%,

353
00:20:35.195 --> 00:20:36.815
unworthy. Not good enough.

354
00:20:37.195 --> 00:20:39.695
Mhmm. Not enough to make her stay.

355
00:20:40.075 --> 00:20:41.455
Mhmm. Told told myself

356
00:20:41.755 --> 00:20:44.415
a false narrative in that way. Mhmm. Mhmm.

357
00:20:47.820 --> 00:20:48.320
Yeah.

358
00:20:50.140 --> 00:20:52.480
Did you feel like you're important, like you matter?

359
00:20:53.340 --> 00:20:53.840
No.

360
00:20:54.780 --> 00:20:55.280
Mhmm.

361
00:20:57.260 --> 00:20:57.760
And

362
00:20:59.605 --> 00:21:00.265
was it

363
00:21:01.684 --> 00:21:03.225
aside from, like, worthiness

364
00:21:03.845 --> 00:21:05.365
or not good enough, was there

365
00:21:09.765 --> 00:21:13.465
where did you go with it? Like, when you're when you're, like, young Ricky

366
00:21:13.765 --> 00:21:14.745
trying to, like,

367
00:21:15.160 --> 00:21:18.060
why did this happen? Like, where would your mind go?

368
00:21:19.080 --> 00:21:21.660
Oh, I I you know, it's really hard to separate

369
00:21:22.040 --> 00:21:27.080
what I was actually go what happened back then to what it the way I frame it now, right, after seeing everything.

370
00:21:27.080 --> 00:21:27.580
So,

371
00:21:29.005 --> 00:21:34.705
you know, I think I didn't know any better then, so I I shut it all off. I just shut it all off and

372
00:21:35.005 --> 00:21:39.565
tried to find a path towards, you know, connection and love like everybody does. And Mhmm.

373
00:21:39.885 --> 00:21:41.745
That path was baseball and,

374
00:21:42.970 --> 00:21:45.150
you know, and being funny and,

375
00:21:45.770 --> 00:21:48.590
you know, and, self protecting in that way.

376
00:21:50.570 --> 00:21:53.390
Yeah. So I, but I re you know, obviously I realize now

377
00:21:54.010 --> 00:21:55.310
that, you know,

378
00:21:57.575 --> 00:21:59.115
that that frame was just

379
00:21:59.495 --> 00:22:01.275
an an an attempt to,

380
00:22:01.975 --> 00:22:02.635
you know,

381
00:22:02.935 --> 00:22:04.535
fix everything or or, you know

382
00:22:05.255 --> 00:22:06.475
Mhmm. Yeah.

383
00:22:08.695 --> 00:22:11.275
Yeah. Got it. Okay. I mean, so I'm

384
00:22:12.720 --> 00:22:14.500
definitely hearing some themes here.

385
00:22:16.160 --> 00:22:16.660
Yeah.

386
00:22:17.520 --> 00:22:19.540
So would you say that the

387
00:22:22.160 --> 00:22:24.500
like, we was that, like, the professional

388
00:22:25.125 --> 00:22:27.225
baseball player, the pro athlete

389
00:22:27.525 --> 00:22:30.085
path, and and and, like, was that, like, a

390
00:22:31.365 --> 00:22:35.225
that was one of the ways that you try to cope was, like, the performance

391
00:22:36.725 --> 00:22:37.785
performing well?

392
00:22:38.520 --> 00:22:41.340
Yeah. So, I mean, you're a kid and you see,

393
00:22:41.880 --> 00:22:44.600
if you write about this, obviously, write write about this in the book.

394
00:22:44.600 --> 00:22:46.620
They see my uncle and my father

395
00:22:47.080 --> 00:22:50.140
would stop, pay attention to, and respect, and admire

396
00:22:50.760 --> 00:22:55.245
these baseball players. Right? Mhmm. And they were the two people in my life that I

397
00:22:55.865 --> 00:22:58.185
wanted their respect and their admiration and their love.

398
00:22:58.185 --> 00:23:03.245
And so I thought if I could become one of these guys on TV, then I could, you know,

399
00:23:03.705 --> 00:23:06.285
have that and may maybe something under there was,

400
00:23:07.225 --> 00:23:07.885
you know,

401
00:23:08.720 --> 00:23:12.320
the females in my life wouldn't leave and all these things. You know? So Mhmm.

402
00:23:12.400 --> 00:23:16.100
If I could be enough, if I could do enough, if I could strive hard enough

403
00:23:16.480 --> 00:23:18.900
and be, you know, a good enough guy

404
00:23:19.360 --> 00:23:21.700
Mhmm. You know, then I then then I could

405
00:23:22.304 --> 00:23:24.644
prevent myself from having the pain

406
00:23:24.945 --> 00:23:26.565
that I saw my father in.

407
00:23:27.105 --> 00:23:27.605
Yeah.

408
00:23:28.865 --> 00:23:35.044
So what the phrase that comes to me let me know if this resonates is, like, that that you're feeling like a nobody.

409
00:23:35.830 --> 00:23:38.410
And, like, if you could achieve something, you would be a somebody.

410
00:23:39.030 --> 00:23:39.850
Yeah. Significance.

411
00:23:40.550 --> 00:23:41.050
Yeah.

412
00:23:41.430 --> 00:23:41.930
Yeah.

413
00:23:42.390 --> 00:23:43.610
Safety through significance.

414
00:23:44.230 --> 00:23:45.530
Yeah. Mhmm.

415
00:23:47.510 --> 00:23:48.010
Okay.

416
00:23:49.430 --> 00:23:49.930
Alright.

417
00:23:50.575 --> 00:23:51.795
So quite quite

418
00:23:52.175 --> 00:23:54.035
a quite an entry into this planet.

419
00:23:55.615 --> 00:23:56.115
Yeah.

420
00:23:56.415 --> 00:23:58.755
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. How does that

421
00:23:59.775 --> 00:24:01.715
when you talk when you sit with

422
00:24:02.415 --> 00:24:04.755
five year old Ricky today, how does he feel?

423
00:24:06.900 --> 00:24:08.280
I've got a picture of,

424
00:24:09.220 --> 00:24:12.200
I guess, eight, eight or nine year old Ricky on my phone.

425
00:24:12.580 --> 00:24:18.679
Yeah. Can we see it? I look I I do as a practice to look at it. Okay. Can we see it? Yeah.

426
00:24:20.435 --> 00:24:24.515
It's the wallpaper, so it only comes up, I guess, whenever you're not on your plate.

427
00:24:24.515 --> 00:24:29.895
So I don't know how to make it come up. Yeah. But, To have this screen when it's locked? Yeah.

428
00:24:30.835 --> 00:24:34.215
The picture's in the book. Mhmm. Oh, wow. It flipped right to it.

429
00:24:34.515 --> 00:24:35.015
Amazing.

430
00:24:35.610 --> 00:24:36.110
Wow.

431
00:24:38.490 --> 00:24:39.549
What a sweet kid.

432
00:24:41.049 --> 00:24:44.830
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I recently looked at that picture even closer,

433
00:24:45.210 --> 00:24:45.950
just recently,

434
00:24:46.410 --> 00:24:47.630
and I could see

435
00:24:48.745 --> 00:24:52.924
bit of stress on his face. You know, this is just picture day. Should be happy.

436
00:24:53.705 --> 00:24:57.145
But if you look really close I see it. He's not a very,

437
00:24:58.345 --> 00:24:58.845
No.

438
00:24:59.225 --> 00:25:00.365
Cold and cold. I mean, I was

439
00:25:00.905 --> 00:25:03.085
I was the best absolutely the best

440
00:25:03.929 --> 00:25:06.990
player everywhere I ever played, you know, at least until

441
00:25:07.610 --> 00:25:08.110
college.

442
00:25:09.210 --> 00:25:10.350
So I should have been

443
00:25:11.450 --> 00:25:12.909
at ease, but I guess I wasn't.

444
00:25:13.450 --> 00:25:16.429
Yeah. No. It's a lot of pressure. What was he scared of?

445
00:25:18.965 --> 00:25:19.945
Failure meant

446
00:25:20.405 --> 00:25:20.905
death.

447
00:25:21.445 --> 00:25:24.265
I write about this in the book that when something is your life,

448
00:25:25.125 --> 00:25:31.044
it's no longer just failure when you fail at it. It's if it's your identity, then you are you die.

449
00:25:31.044 --> 00:25:32.345
You think you're gonna die.

450
00:25:32.740 --> 00:25:35.480
Mhmm. You know, everyone's gonna leave you. Everyone you know,

451
00:25:36.340 --> 00:25:38.679
if you only matter through a performance,

452
00:25:39.539 --> 00:25:41.559
then when the performance starts to slip,

453
00:25:41.940 --> 00:25:43.799
you're losing a lot more than just

454
00:25:44.419 --> 00:25:44.919
success.

455
00:25:45.539 --> 00:25:46.039
Mhmm.

456
00:25:46.635 --> 00:25:48.655
Yeah. There's too much at stake. So

457
00:25:50.075 --> 00:25:53.375
so you've obviously obviously done a ton of work and and,

458
00:25:53.755 --> 00:25:57.695
like, have a lot of self awareness, a lot of insight, which is incredible.

459
00:25:58.075 --> 00:25:58.575
So

460
00:25:59.429 --> 00:26:04.330
how does this show up for you today? How does how does how does the struggle

461
00:26:04.630 --> 00:26:05.610
show up, like,

462
00:26:07.029 --> 00:26:07.529
practically

463
00:26:08.070 --> 00:26:09.450
in your day to day,

464
00:26:09.830 --> 00:26:10.490
the stuckness?

465
00:26:12.495 --> 00:26:17.555
Mind you, I'm way farther down the road than I used to be, but there's still it's very difficult

466
00:26:17.935 --> 00:26:20.275
when situations are unfair. I think

467
00:26:20.655 --> 00:26:23.875
one of the reasons I was attracted to sports was because there was a

468
00:26:24.335 --> 00:26:27.395
there was foul lines and there was rules and

469
00:26:27.740 --> 00:26:29.280
we all wore the same clothes.

470
00:26:29.740 --> 00:26:32.160
We were pretty much equals and it was fair.

471
00:26:32.540 --> 00:26:35.280
Life when it isn't fair or when I feel,

472
00:26:36.140 --> 00:26:36.800
you know,

473
00:26:37.260 --> 00:26:39.520
that I'm threatened in that way or or,

474
00:26:39.900 --> 00:26:41.440
you know, accused of

475
00:26:41.820 --> 00:26:42.880
coming up short.

476
00:26:43.315 --> 00:26:44.855
Mhmm. I can feel

477
00:26:45.155 --> 00:26:46.535
that. So what's an example?

478
00:26:49.555 --> 00:26:52.375
I don't know. You're talking you can be talking to your wife and,

479
00:26:52.835 --> 00:26:56.910
you know, I did that on accident. And she's like, no. You did it on purpose. You know?

480
00:26:56.910 --> 00:26:57.650
Like, whatever

481
00:26:57.950 --> 00:26:59.870
whatever it is, it it is an

482
00:27:00.910 --> 00:27:02.930
it it took me a lot of years to realize

483
00:27:03.470 --> 00:27:04.850
that I wasn't in a fistfight

484
00:27:05.870 --> 00:27:08.770
in the streets of Maryland. You know? Mhmm.

485
00:27:08.885 --> 00:27:14.185
You know, that when you get falsely accused and someone says you did something, and then next thing you know, you're being beat up.

486
00:27:14.325 --> 00:27:20.665
I had to took a lot of years to realize that that wasn't what was happening or what was gonna happen just because we have a disagreement.

487
00:27:21.445 --> 00:27:22.405
So what if you

488
00:27:22.725 --> 00:27:24.345
what if it was you?

489
00:27:25.540 --> 00:27:31.140
What if it oh, what if I actually messed up? Mhmm. I oddly enough, I'm I'm good with that.

490
00:27:31.140 --> 00:27:32.440
Like, it it feels

491
00:27:33.220 --> 00:27:33.720
okay

492
00:27:34.580 --> 00:27:36.440
to have actual failure. There was something

493
00:27:37.205 --> 00:27:39.945
in my psyche that was really, it was whenever

494
00:27:40.405 --> 00:27:46.645
the appearance of doing something wrong or Mhmm. Not holding up my end of the bargain or whatever.

495
00:27:46.645 --> 00:27:47.925
Like, it when when someone

496
00:27:49.420 --> 00:27:52.700
yeah. So some of this trauma isn't just from, like, mom leaving and stuff like that.

497
00:27:52.700 --> 00:27:58.300
There was some instances when I was a kid where I was falsely accused of stuff and then got beat up, like I said.

498
00:27:58.300 --> 00:28:00.480
And then so it became very unsafe

499
00:28:00.940 --> 00:28:03.920
for things to be unclear or unsafe or to be misunderstood.

500
00:28:04.885 --> 00:28:05.125
Mhmm.

501
00:28:05.125 --> 00:28:11.145
This is a you know, this is something that I'm still grappling with is is why is it so important for me to people understand

502
00:28:12.005 --> 00:28:16.184
Mhmm. Not even just me, a concept, or any like, people need to

503
00:28:16.485 --> 00:28:16.985
understand.

504
00:28:17.620 --> 00:28:20.659
And it it's it becomes a problem sometimes if you're overly

505
00:28:21.059 --> 00:28:24.360
you know, to be understood and to make people understand things.

506
00:28:24.820 --> 00:28:29.720
Sometimes it doesn't that's not how it works. Sometimes it just isn't. You gotta accept it.

507
00:28:30.325 --> 00:28:34.505
You just gotta accept it. How much control do we have over other people's opinions?

508
00:28:34.965 --> 00:28:36.085
None. Yeah.

509
00:28:36.085 --> 00:28:39.845
It's the the whole thing is we just don't have any any of the control that we think we have.

510
00:28:39.845 --> 00:28:40.985
And so Right.

511
00:28:41.685 --> 00:28:42.185
Yeah.

512
00:28:42.645 --> 00:28:43.145
So

513
00:28:43.679 --> 00:28:44.899
what what is

514
00:28:45.279 --> 00:28:53.779
young Ricky feeling in that situation when your wife is accusing you of something that, like, she's like, you did that on purpose and you're like, no, I didn't.

515
00:28:54.320 --> 00:28:56.259
Like like, not only

516
00:28:56.885 --> 00:29:01.445
am I not enough, it's it's an impossible situation because you can't fight a ghost. Right?

517
00:29:01.445 --> 00:29:07.465
You can't you can't jump into a lie. I coach this a lot with people that if Jesus is the truth

518
00:29:08.005 --> 00:29:09.865
and someone has a false accusation

519
00:29:10.245 --> 00:29:15.419
and I go to defend it, I'm jumping away from the truth that I know is true. No. I get it.

520
00:29:15.580 --> 00:29:16.539
Knows is true. I get it.

521
00:29:16.539 --> 00:29:23.039
So what I'm getting at is, like, not the mental explanation, but, like, actually getting in touch with the young young Ricky.

522
00:29:23.899 --> 00:29:27.200
And what's his experience? What's he what's he fear? Oh, complete fear.

523
00:29:27.715 --> 00:29:28.215
Mhmm.

524
00:29:28.835 --> 00:29:29.335
Fear.

525
00:29:30.755 --> 00:29:33.655
And what's the picture in his mind? What is he scared of?

526
00:29:41.235 --> 00:29:43.390
Yeah. I used to think it was physical harm,

527
00:29:44.330 --> 00:29:48.270
but I think that physical harm is just a a symbol of rejection.

528
00:29:49.050 --> 00:29:49.550
Mhmm.

529
00:29:51.690 --> 00:29:54.590
And if he's rejected if he's rejected, then what?

530
00:29:55.370 --> 00:29:56.270
Then he's alone.

531
00:29:56.785 --> 00:29:58.085
Yeah. And if he's alone,

532
00:29:59.825 --> 00:30:00.725
then what?

533
00:30:04.385 --> 00:30:07.845
Well, he's not just alone. He's alone for the reason of not being enough.

534
00:30:08.465 --> 00:30:11.765
Mhmm. Not being good enough, not being the right fit, not being the right

535
00:30:12.400 --> 00:30:16.340
hair color. I mean, whatever it is. Things that are out of my control that

536
00:30:17.360 --> 00:30:18.820
Mhmm. Are are are

537
00:30:19.280 --> 00:30:20.100
are not enough.

538
00:30:20.640 --> 00:30:21.140
Mhmm.

539
00:30:21.679 --> 00:30:23.780
And if he's alone, then what?

540
00:30:28.205 --> 00:30:29.905
I don't know. I mean, alone.

541
00:30:30.205 --> 00:30:31.265
Alone's not good.

542
00:30:35.325 --> 00:30:35.985
I mean,

543
00:30:36.925 --> 00:30:38.465
choosing to be alone is fine.

544
00:30:38.845 --> 00:30:41.885
Mhmm. But I think it's the rejection. I think it's the the the

545
00:30:42.809 --> 00:30:43.309
Yeah.

546
00:30:43.610 --> 00:30:45.950
Yeah. Because I was alone all the time as a kid.

547
00:30:46.330 --> 00:30:48.990
Right. But it was the rejection. I don't think it was safe.

548
00:30:49.289 --> 00:30:51.370
Just doesn't wasn't a safe feeling to be,

549
00:30:52.330 --> 00:30:55.149
in those situations. It's taken me a lot to

550
00:30:56.855 --> 00:30:59.275
sort of to breathe and realize that I'm safe.

551
00:30:59.895 --> 00:31:01.355
And who would reject you?

552
00:31:02.215 --> 00:31:02.715
Oh,

553
00:31:03.735 --> 00:31:05.835
anyone and everyone if you're not enough.

554
00:31:06.215 --> 00:31:11.370
That's what I mean. So in in what was for Ricky as, like, five year old, eight year old?

555
00:31:11.370 --> 00:31:13.950
Who who who did he experience rejection from?

556
00:31:15.130 --> 00:31:15.630
Peers.

557
00:31:16.730 --> 00:31:18.270
Friends in school, baseball?

558
00:31:18.970 --> 00:31:21.790
My father wasn't rejecting me. He was just really

559
00:31:24.115 --> 00:31:27.635
busy and checked out and doing what he had to do to survive. Right?

560
00:31:27.635 --> 00:31:31.495
So he didn't have time to you know, we didn't we were we didn't have any

561
00:31:31.875 --> 00:31:37.905
money. It was he didn't even ask for things. It was just like Mhmm. This is how it is. So Mhmm. Just

562
00:31:38.370 --> 00:31:39.110
general safety.

563
00:31:39.730 --> 00:31:42.370
And did that register as rejection? Or

564
00:31:43.650 --> 00:31:45.190
It registered as,

565
00:31:47.490 --> 00:31:50.070
not belonging in a way that is like you're

566
00:31:51.515 --> 00:31:54.315
you're just Why? You're just weird. You're just not in the crowd.

567
00:31:54.315 --> 00:31:55.935
You're not you know, there's something.

568
00:31:56.555 --> 00:31:58.175
You're outside of the

569
00:31:58.555 --> 00:31:59.695
Mhmm. The circle.

570
00:32:01.355 --> 00:32:01.855
Yeah.

571
00:32:04.155 --> 00:32:04.895
Not wanted?

572
00:32:06.130 --> 00:32:06.870
Yeah. Unwanted.

573
00:32:07.809 --> 00:32:09.190
Something's wrong with you. Defective

574
00:32:09.809 --> 00:32:10.309
Mhmm.

575
00:32:10.690 --> 00:32:14.490
In some way. But it but defective in a way you can't control. Like, it's not Yeah.

576
00:32:14.770 --> 00:32:16.150
Not about your actions.

577
00:32:16.690 --> 00:32:17.190
Mhmm.

578
00:32:17.650 --> 00:32:21.025
So yeah. Obviously, I mean, you've, like I said, you've obviously

579
00:32:21.405 --> 00:32:28.145
done a lot of introspection here. I think the opportunity is to really to tease all of this apart

580
00:32:29.885 --> 00:32:32.625
and sit with each piece and then get out of your head

581
00:32:33.250 --> 00:32:36.710
and get into your body with it. Right? So

582
00:32:37.250 --> 00:32:38.070
that boy

583
00:32:38.850 --> 00:32:39.990
who feels like

584
00:32:40.529 --> 00:32:41.669
he doesn't belong,

585
00:32:43.490 --> 00:32:43.990
like,

586
00:32:46.345 --> 00:32:50.684
is it is it an absolute truth that he didn't belong?

587
00:32:51.385 --> 00:32:52.924
No. It's not based in truth.

588
00:32:53.544 --> 00:32:54.044
No.

589
00:32:54.904 --> 00:32:56.284
So where does it live?

590
00:32:59.770 --> 00:33:01.310
That's right. It's a story.

591
00:33:01.850 --> 00:33:03.150
Yeah. Where does it live?

592
00:33:04.570 --> 00:33:08.590
You did this. Oh, yes. That's where it lives. It's right there. Yeah. It's a story.

593
00:33:09.610 --> 00:33:10.110
Right.

594
00:33:10.570 --> 00:33:13.310
Yeah. And so, like, every time these come up,

595
00:33:13.625 --> 00:33:14.525
take a moment.

596
00:33:15.225 --> 00:33:16.765
And, like, it's

597
00:33:19.225 --> 00:33:22.605
it's easy to get into this pattern of, like,

598
00:33:23.385 --> 00:33:28.125
you know all of your limitations. You know all your wounds. You know all the stories.

599
00:33:29.020 --> 00:33:31.200
And it kinda ends up being

600
00:33:32.220 --> 00:33:36.080
a little bit of an addiction to to telling the stories,

601
00:33:36.620 --> 00:33:37.120
to,

602
00:33:37.420 --> 00:33:38.559
like, reinforcing

603
00:33:38.860 --> 00:33:39.520
the stories.

604
00:33:39.980 --> 00:33:41.600
They're all lies. Right?

605
00:33:42.975 --> 00:33:47.535
Like, you can't not belong. The fact that you exist means that you belong here.

606
00:33:47.535 --> 00:33:48.675
You can't not belong.

607
00:33:49.615 --> 00:33:50.115
People

608
00:33:51.935 --> 00:33:52.435
can

609
00:33:53.375 --> 00:33:57.315
think they reject you, but, really, it's just their version of

610
00:33:57.690 --> 00:34:00.269
declaring their love of you. It's just that they're confused.

611
00:34:00.570 --> 00:34:05.630
Like, there's no such thing as actual rejection. I one of my favorite quotes is Byron Katie says,

612
00:34:06.090 --> 00:34:07.769
whenever she walks into a room,

613
00:34:08.250 --> 00:34:12.829
she knows that everybody already loves her. It's just that they might not realize it yet.

614
00:34:14.005 --> 00:34:18.425
Right? It's like because everybody at their heart is pure love. And so

615
00:34:18.885 --> 00:34:22.405
if they think that they don't love you, it's just because they're confused in the moment.

616
00:34:22.405 --> 00:34:24.985
That's fine. We we got patience. We got patience.

617
00:34:25.445 --> 00:34:25.945
Also,

618
00:34:26.319 --> 00:34:31.139
you know, we don't need anybody's love because we're where love comes from.

619
00:34:31.440 --> 00:34:36.079
And so we can be the person that goes around and gives everybody love because everybody's fucking looking for love.

620
00:34:36.079 --> 00:34:38.739
You know this. You wrote the book on it. Right? Like,

621
00:34:39.074 --> 00:34:47.014
everybody's looking for approval and love from people who feel like they are lacking approval and love, and that's not really that doesn't work that well.

622
00:34:47.234 --> 00:34:51.974
Right. So we just step out of it and be like, fuck that. I'm just gonna be the person who gives

623
00:34:52.355 --> 00:34:54.214
love and approval to everybody else.

624
00:34:54.710 --> 00:34:55.369
And, surprisingly,

625
00:34:55.829 --> 00:34:59.450
as you do that, as I'm sure you're aware, like, the more you do that with other people,

626
00:35:00.230 --> 00:35:00.970
the more

627
00:35:01.670 --> 00:35:03.450
that actually lands for you.

628
00:35:03.750 --> 00:35:07.609
Right? The more little Ricky actually feels that approval and love

629
00:35:07.910 --> 00:35:08.410
back.

630
00:35:09.029 --> 00:35:09.690
You know?

631
00:35:11.905 --> 00:35:12.405
So

632
00:35:14.944 --> 00:35:15.845
you're not alone.

633
00:35:17.265 --> 00:35:18.724
You're not not safe.

634
00:35:20.704 --> 00:35:21.204
Like,

635
00:35:22.464 --> 00:35:25.685
on the human level, we'll not never be fully safe,

636
00:35:26.280 --> 00:35:27.660
but at a soul level,

637
00:35:28.040 --> 00:35:29.100
we can't be harmed.

638
00:35:30.120 --> 00:35:35.580
There's nothing to worry about. Right? So it's like, when these stories come up, just recognize,

639
00:35:35.960 --> 00:35:36.700
oh, shit.

640
00:35:37.080 --> 00:35:40.665
They're not true. And and and rather than going the opposite, like, I am safe.

641
00:35:40.665 --> 00:35:42.605
You can go, I'm not not safe.

642
00:35:43.465 --> 00:35:45.165
So let's close that and then

643
00:35:45.465 --> 00:35:46.525
start to rewire

644
00:35:47.065 --> 00:35:51.325
so your brain stops going there. But there's some there's a discipline there of, like,

645
00:35:52.105 --> 00:35:53.190
don't go there.

646
00:35:53.670 --> 00:35:56.890
And you stop like, just stop it whenever it pops up. So,

647
00:36:01.589 --> 00:36:04.010
one of my one of my teachers, Gay Hendricks,

648
00:36:04.390 --> 00:36:05.235
used to say,

649
00:36:05.955 --> 00:36:10.135
told me one time, he said, like, the the hardest addiction to break is the addiction to suffering.

650
00:36:11.075 --> 00:36:14.295
And there is some of that going on here. Like, the

651
00:36:14.755 --> 00:36:16.375
the he also said,

652
00:36:17.315 --> 00:36:18.055
you know,

653
00:36:20.849 --> 00:36:24.069
I forget exactly how he phrased it, but something along the lines of when you're

654
00:36:24.849 --> 00:36:30.390
when you're more fascinated by what you're looking to create by than by your reasons why you can't.

655
00:36:30.849 --> 00:36:36.705
There's this, like, fascination with all of the limitations and all the stories and all the pain, which are all

656
00:36:37.165 --> 00:36:37.665
lies

657
00:36:38.285 --> 00:36:40.465
that live in your mind. They're made up of

658
00:36:40.925 --> 00:36:43.185
words. They're made up of sounds,

659
00:36:43.885 --> 00:36:46.465
and we just gotta shift out of it.

660
00:36:46.790 --> 00:36:50.090
But there is a what I'm sensing is, like, there's a,

661
00:36:52.710 --> 00:36:53.609
there's an

662
00:36:54.310 --> 00:36:55.290
like, an underlying

663
00:36:55.910 --> 00:36:56.730
kind of having

664
00:36:57.190 --> 00:36:58.730
given up on

665
00:36:59.214 --> 00:37:04.335
life a little bit, having given up on yourself a little bit, where you're just like it's like you're just tired.

666
00:37:04.335 --> 00:37:09.875
It's like it feels like you feel I know I may be completely projecting here, but the sense I get is like,

667
00:37:10.974 --> 00:37:16.720
I've worked really hard for so many years, first as an athlete, and now all this inner work and, like, all this,

668
00:37:17.100 --> 00:37:22.320
you know, you know, Jim Jim Murphy and, like, the NLP and all that stuff. Like,

669
00:37:23.100 --> 00:37:26.880
like, when when when am I there? Like, when is enough enough?

670
00:37:27.365 --> 00:37:29.305
Yeah. Is that there's some of that?

671
00:37:29.684 --> 00:37:31.464
Yeah. I meet I meet with a,

672
00:37:32.005 --> 00:37:36.664
a coach for about three hours every every Monday. I just came from there.

673
00:37:36.805 --> 00:37:38.505
And the predominant feeling,

674
00:37:38.964 --> 00:37:42.190
we talk about or we we talk about our feelings every single week.

675
00:37:42.190 --> 00:37:45.090
And the predominant one was weary, like, just really weary.

676
00:37:45.470 --> 00:37:47.330
Yeah. Just tired. I feel that.

677
00:37:47.710 --> 00:37:48.530
100%.

678
00:37:48.990 --> 00:37:49.490
Yeah.

679
00:37:50.830 --> 00:37:54.210
So I think maybe the biggest the biggest lie is that there's

680
00:37:54.915 --> 00:37:55.415
something

681
00:37:57.395 --> 00:37:59.655
wrong Yeah. That there's something to fix.

682
00:38:01.155 --> 00:38:03.575
Yeah. Maybe you can help me with that, but I've I feel like

683
00:38:04.195 --> 00:38:09.015
being aware of these things is one level and then trying to stop them and stuff like that, but

684
00:38:09.710 --> 00:38:17.329
not being aware when they're taking place, like, what you know, on a nervous this is what I'm the next level that I'm trying to figure out is

685
00:38:17.630 --> 00:38:21.569
when your nervous system does things or wants to do things and you don't know till,

686
00:38:21.995 --> 00:38:26.495
you know, a week later, oh, that's why I didn't take action there. No. That's why but in the moment

687
00:38:27.355 --> 00:38:29.295
Mhmm. You know, I'm just

688
00:38:29.915 --> 00:38:30.475
sort of,

689
00:38:31.835 --> 00:38:35.355
Yeah. Your nervous system's responding, and I'm not sure how Right.

690
00:38:35.435 --> 00:38:41.319
Can I get you to So one habit that I'd love to break is the habit of saying you when you when you mean I?

691
00:38:41.700 --> 00:38:42.599
Okay. Yeah.

692
00:38:43.700 --> 00:38:44.839
Yeah. That's because it

693
00:38:45.940 --> 00:38:46.819
I I like that.

694
00:38:46.819 --> 00:38:51.480
I I, you know, I correct people's language constantly in my own language, but I remember,

695
00:38:53.115 --> 00:38:54.635
yeah, that's that's a good

696
00:38:55.275 --> 00:38:58.655
It's a way so what I'm seeing is that, like, you're still

697
00:38:59.275 --> 00:39:02.635
spinning in your head, and I I I'm there's no judgment.

698
00:39:02.635 --> 00:39:06.569
It's, like, very human, and you're clearly a very smart guy.

699
00:39:07.270 --> 00:39:10.230
And you've learned so much. You've studied so much. You've studied yourself.

700
00:39:10.230 --> 00:39:13.049
You studied all these teachers, done all this coaching. Right?

701
00:39:13.589 --> 00:39:14.410
But nothing

702
00:39:14.869 --> 00:39:16.410
gets solved in your head.

703
00:39:17.190 --> 00:39:21.530
Well, I think saying you is a way of saying this is how things are

704
00:39:22.365 --> 00:39:28.045
instead of owning it and saying this is new. So I like that a lot, and I really appreciate it.

705
00:39:28.045 --> 00:39:32.605
So Yeah. Yeah. It's a way to deflecting a little bit. Like It's a way of yeah. You say.

706
00:39:32.605 --> 00:39:34.785
I'll take fully ownership of it. Not taking ownership.

707
00:39:35.165 --> 00:39:38.450
Yeah. And not taking ownership is a really nice path.

708
00:39:38.830 --> 00:39:40.050
It is, isn't it? Yeah.

709
00:39:40.510 --> 00:39:43.010
Yeah. And there's there's a little bit of, like

710
00:39:44.190 --> 00:39:46.770
in my world, you're either a creator

711
00:39:47.630 --> 00:39:48.770
or you're a victim

712
00:39:49.390 --> 00:39:50.130
of circumstance.

713
00:39:50.985 --> 00:39:51.725
And the

714
00:39:52.105 --> 00:39:53.485
moment that you think that

715
00:39:54.745 --> 00:39:55.245
circumstances

716
00:39:55.785 --> 00:39:59.485
the circumstances in your life has any influence over how you feel,

717
00:39:59.785 --> 00:40:00.605
you're a victim.

718
00:40:01.545 --> 00:40:03.965
Mhmm. Right? So you're either a 100% creator,

719
00:40:04.345 --> 00:40:06.090
and you take a 100% responsibility

720
00:40:06.470 --> 00:40:09.050
for what is in your life and

721
00:40:09.510 --> 00:40:10.970
how you feel about it,

722
00:40:11.670 --> 00:40:15.270
or you're like, well, I'm not quite happy yet because I'm not there yet.

723
00:40:15.270 --> 00:40:18.010
It's like this isn't working. You're like, I wanna

724
00:40:18.310 --> 00:40:22.525
I wanna change my circumstance so I can feel better. No. You change how you feel,

725
00:40:22.984 --> 00:40:25.645
and then your circumstances are gonna reflect that.

726
00:40:26.025 --> 00:40:28.045
Are we including our memories as circumstance?

727
00:40:29.785 --> 00:40:30.285
Well,

728
00:40:30.744 --> 00:40:33.005
tell me more. What do you what do you mean?

729
00:40:33.305 --> 00:40:38.950
Well, I think I've learned, you know, through baseball and taking accountability and do it that that my circumstances

730
00:40:39.490 --> 00:40:40.950
can't stop me from anything.

731
00:40:41.330 --> 00:40:44.070
But Mhmm. I think if you include those stories

732
00:40:44.610 --> 00:40:45.110
Mhmm.

733
00:40:45.410 --> 00:40:47.910
Then you then I think I've made excuses,

734
00:40:49.385 --> 00:40:53.944
you know, that that is stopping me, that this is this is the way I am, and this is what's stopping me.

735
00:40:53.944 --> 00:40:55.145
Exactly. And so,

736
00:40:55.944 --> 00:40:59.625
Yeah. Yeah. You you learn the external. You learn that you gotta take action.

737
00:40:59.625 --> 00:41:02.605
You learn that you can do all this, but but to learn that

738
00:41:03.440 --> 00:41:04.820
truly you are not

739
00:41:05.120 --> 00:41:09.540
a victim of your old circumstances either. Back to saying you. Oh,

740
00:41:11.040 --> 00:41:11.540
thank

741
00:41:13.120 --> 00:41:18.145
you. You yeah. It might take it might take a minute or It's totally fine. It's very common.

742
00:41:18.145 --> 00:41:19.585
I I get it. Yeah.

743
00:41:20.385 --> 00:41:24.085
So, yes, your thoughts would be part of that. So listen. Like, so

744
00:41:25.265 --> 00:41:27.765
if you had, Ricky, if you had no memory

745
00:41:29.890 --> 00:41:31.350
of anything that happened,

746
00:41:32.210 --> 00:41:32.710
zap.

747
00:41:33.090 --> 00:41:34.470
Memory is just gone. Right?

748
00:41:35.010 --> 00:41:35.990
How would you feel?

749
00:41:37.410 --> 00:41:38.470
Oh, at least neutral.

750
00:41:39.890 --> 00:41:40.390
Right.

751
00:41:41.205 --> 00:41:42.265
Which might be better.

752
00:41:42.885 --> 00:41:45.385
So, yeah, I I I think I would feel

753
00:41:45.925 --> 00:41:46.985
probably hopeful.

754
00:41:47.845 --> 00:41:48.345
Yeah.

755
00:41:48.725 --> 00:41:50.345
Maybe happy? Maybe joyful?

756
00:41:51.525 --> 00:41:52.025
Maybe.

757
00:41:52.565 --> 00:41:53.065
Yeah.

758
00:41:53.445 --> 00:41:53.945
Yeah.

759
00:41:55.280 --> 00:41:56.100
No memories.

760
00:41:57.280 --> 00:41:58.020
No memories.

761
00:41:58.480 --> 00:42:01.780
So memory is always it's completely selective.

762
00:42:02.720 --> 00:42:05.540
Right? It's a lot of distortion, a lot of generalization

763
00:42:05.920 --> 00:42:06.420
happening.

764
00:42:07.355 --> 00:42:09.135
Like, you you are selectively

765
00:42:09.835 --> 00:42:13.055
looking at specific episodes to make them mean something,

766
00:42:14.714 --> 00:42:15.535
not consciously,

767
00:42:15.835 --> 00:42:17.375
but that's how the mind works.

768
00:42:17.755 --> 00:42:23.250
The way I look at the way I look at at at the mind bugs is that we come into this world

769
00:42:25.810 --> 00:42:26.310
predestined,

770
00:42:26.690 --> 00:42:27.190
predeciding

771
00:42:27.570 --> 00:42:29.270
as a soul before we incarnate.

772
00:42:29.730 --> 00:42:32.870
I wanna have the experience of feeling not safe.

773
00:42:33.970 --> 00:42:37.750
I wanna have the feeling of experiencing the experience of feeling like I don't belong.

774
00:42:38.724 --> 00:42:42.505
I wanna have the experience of feeling like there's something wrong with me.

775
00:42:44.005 --> 00:42:45.545
And what's the benefit there?

776
00:42:46.244 --> 00:42:49.625
The benefit is, like, if you think about it at a soul level, there's no,

777
00:42:50.325 --> 00:42:51.569
like, there's no duality.

778
00:42:51.869 --> 00:42:55.569
Right? There's no it's it's all just it's all one. It's there's all oneness.

779
00:42:56.270 --> 00:42:59.010
And so we come to this planet to experience

780
00:42:59.630 --> 00:43:07.195
limitation, to experience lack, to experience duality of good or bad or right or wrong or dark and and light and all that stuff.

781
00:43:07.195 --> 00:43:08.575
We come here to experience

782
00:43:09.595 --> 00:43:10.095
that

783
00:43:11.035 --> 00:43:11.935
world of duality.

784
00:43:12.315 --> 00:43:14.255
There's a there's a, an Indian

785
00:43:14.715 --> 00:43:18.800
myth. I forget the god's name and whatever, but Joseph Campbell talked about

786
00:43:19.100 --> 00:43:20.400
it, where there's this

787
00:43:20.860 --> 00:43:23.120
Indian god where they say that,

788
00:43:27.180 --> 00:43:29.920
the story is basically, like, imagine that you you dream

789
00:43:30.300 --> 00:43:31.575
every night, you have a dream,

790
00:43:32.055 --> 00:43:33.275
and the dream lasts

791
00:43:33.895 --> 00:43:37.595
exactly seventy two years, seventy five years, whatever, like, a typical lifetime.

792
00:43:38.055 --> 00:43:40.795
And the first night, you dream, and it's all just, like,

793
00:43:41.494 --> 00:43:42.615
the best thing ever.

794
00:43:42.615 --> 00:43:48.089
The the best food, the best women, the best, like, toys and play like, all of it is just incredible.

795
00:43:48.089 --> 00:43:50.890
And you dream that every night for, like, three months.

796
00:43:50.890 --> 00:43:54.010
And then, like, at some point you get a little tired of that. You're like, okay.

797
00:43:54.010 --> 00:43:55.770
Like, this is it's getting boring now.

798
00:43:55.770 --> 00:44:00.030
Let let's have a little bit of, like, a little bit of resistance, a little obstacle here somewhere.

799
00:44:00.234 --> 00:44:03.275
You're like, okay. So you introduce that into your dream, and you do that for a while.

800
00:44:03.275 --> 00:44:08.395
And then that gets boring, so you have a little bit more obstacle, a little bit more, you know, challenge in there.

801
00:44:08.395 --> 00:44:13.135
And you keep doing that, and eventually, you arrive at the exact life that you're living today.

802
00:44:15.500 --> 00:44:19.520
Right? Because, like, imagine you're playing a video game, and, like, every time it's like, yep.

803
00:44:19.820 --> 00:44:24.460
I just conquered that level up to the next level. Yeah. I just did that. Next level. Next level.

804
00:44:24.460 --> 00:44:26.860
Next level. But there's no obstacle anywhere. There's no challenge.

805
00:44:26.860 --> 00:44:29.625
Like, that would be boring as fuck. Nobody would play that game,

806
00:44:30.185 --> 00:44:34.045
You know? Or a movie. Right? If there's no obstacle that the hero has to overcome,

807
00:44:34.345 --> 00:44:37.225
nobody's gonna fucking watch it. So that's why. Right?

808
00:44:37.225 --> 00:44:46.260
So we we arrange it this way so that we can experience what it feels like to be on the inside of that mind bug of that prison that says, I am someone who's not enough.

809
00:44:46.320 --> 00:44:47.620
I'm someone who's broken.

810
00:44:47.920 --> 00:44:51.140
I'm someone who's not safe. And we're like, oh, this sucks.

811
00:44:51.440 --> 00:44:58.900
And then the invitation is to recognize the lie in it and step out and and live live without that limitation.

812
00:44:59.515 --> 00:45:01.775
I that's my belief set that that's

813
00:45:02.395 --> 00:45:06.395
the, basically, the the purpose of life. You know? That's the only thing that really matters.

814
00:45:06.395 --> 00:45:09.355
It's not about the money. It's not about the fame. It's not about any of those things.

815
00:45:09.355 --> 00:45:16.519
It's about, do we, in this lifetime, manage to overcome the limitations, the the hurdles that we set for ourselves as we came before we came in?

816
00:45:17.059 --> 00:45:19.940
And so that means we're not a victim of any other shit. Right?

817
00:45:19.940 --> 00:45:23.400
Your mom leaving, your stepmom that was cold and no connection,

818
00:45:23.779 --> 00:45:28.234
your dad who was too nice to ever fucking stand up for you and and be a man,

819
00:45:28.694 --> 00:45:30.555
be a be a father for you,

820
00:45:31.654 --> 00:45:40.795
the the unfair treatment and you having to fend for yourself, all of a shit was something that you organized so that you could have that experience so you so you could transcend it.

821
00:45:43.859 --> 00:45:44.359
Interesting.

822
00:45:44.980 --> 00:45:46.119
Yeah. Interesting.

823
00:45:47.300 --> 00:45:47.800
Yeah.

824
00:45:48.260 --> 00:45:52.119
And so, therefore, when this happens, some other kid might be, like

825
00:45:52.500 --> 00:45:55.160
like, when when mom leaves might be,

826
00:45:56.740 --> 00:45:57.240
like,

827
00:45:58.315 --> 00:45:59.115
it was my fault.

828
00:45:59.115 --> 00:46:05.995
I did something wrong, and then they spent the rest of their life look looking for what they did wrong in every relationship because they're afraid of people abandoning that.

829
00:46:05.995 --> 00:46:09.615
That could be a different re response to it. Or maybe they're like,

830
00:46:10.210 --> 00:46:13.890
like, that kid is just like they're just like, I guess that I didn't need a mom.

831
00:46:13.890 --> 00:46:16.150
Like, let me enjoy my diet. Like, whatever.

832
00:46:16.210 --> 00:46:20.370
You know, we can that's why you see kids have different responses to the events. Right?

833
00:46:20.370 --> 00:46:22.070
Because we're already kinda precoded

834
00:46:22.850 --> 00:46:28.305
for how we're gonna respond to it. And you chose your way, and there's nothing wrong with that.

835
00:46:28.365 --> 00:46:31.585
The opportunity is to really take ownership for that and and

836
00:46:32.365 --> 00:46:32.865
recognize

837
00:46:34.365 --> 00:46:35.984
and I like to go back.

838
00:46:36.309 --> 00:46:39.690
So what happens is that we we we're we're keeping

839
00:46:40.710 --> 00:46:41.450
the memory,

840
00:46:41.829 --> 00:46:46.069
the stories with us, and we bring them into this moment. So that's why I'm saying, hey.

841
00:46:46.069 --> 00:46:52.275
If you didn't have any memory at all, like, you just be free to do whatever the fuck you want and, like, not worried

842
00:46:52.735 --> 00:46:55.475
about whatever anybody says or does or rejection

843
00:46:55.775 --> 00:46:58.275
or being treated unfair or anything, any of that shit.

844
00:46:58.815 --> 00:47:00.995
Right? It's only because we're bringing the memory in.

845
00:47:01.295 --> 00:47:02.035
And so

846
00:47:03.500 --> 00:47:07.520
the opportunity is to recognize that all of that stuff is bullshit,

847
00:47:08.140 --> 00:47:09.119
which you know,

848
00:47:09.740 --> 00:47:12.640
but, like, really take it to heart and then go back and

849
00:47:13.020 --> 00:47:15.839
make peace with your past and everything that happened,

850
00:47:16.244 --> 00:47:19.785
not just accepting everything. Okay. My mom left me.

851
00:47:20.085 --> 00:47:21.305
Like, that was

852
00:47:21.924 --> 00:47:22.664
that was

853
00:47:24.085 --> 00:47:26.265
hard, but I got something from it.

854
00:47:27.125 --> 00:47:28.664
But even, like,

855
00:47:28.964 --> 00:47:31.470
going as far as to actively choosing

856
00:47:32.090 --> 00:47:32.590
that.

857
00:47:33.290 --> 00:47:34.670
So, like, I choose

858
00:47:35.610 --> 00:47:40.110
that my mom left me at two, and I didn't know why. And it was weird.

859
00:47:40.330 --> 00:47:47.645
I choose to have a dad who didn't have the spine to stand up for me and show me that I was fucking that I mattered to anybody.

860
00:47:47.865 --> 00:47:48.365
Right?

861
00:47:49.225 --> 00:47:53.645
Like, mom leaving, obviously, also making you feel like you don't fucking matter. Right?

862
00:47:54.185 --> 00:48:00.210
And so and then you have dad who does have a spine and your stepmom to whom you clearly didn't seem to matter.

863
00:48:00.270 --> 00:48:01.170
Right? So now

864
00:48:01.630 --> 00:48:06.850
your uncles and to them or what was it? One uncle and one something else. I forget. But, like,

865
00:48:07.150 --> 00:48:08.770
that you for them, if you

866
00:48:09.070 --> 00:48:14.370
did good at baseball and you get good That's my uncle and my dad. Mhmm. Uncle and dad.

867
00:48:14.495 --> 00:48:19.695
Uncle and dad. Yeah. Good thing. So then, like, yeah, that's my path to feeling like I I matter.

868
00:48:19.695 --> 00:48:25.455
Right? I'm significant here. Yeah. And, like, really choose that and be like, yes. I choose that.

869
00:48:25.455 --> 00:48:29.715
That was my life. That was that was my path, and I I embrace that. I choose it.

870
00:48:30.050 --> 00:48:33.750
Now where do I wanna go? What do I wanna do? You know?

871
00:48:36.450 --> 00:48:38.230
You're not a victim of any of it.

872
00:48:40.850 --> 00:48:41.350
God,

873
00:48:41.810 --> 00:48:43.350
you, soul, whoever,

874
00:48:44.325 --> 00:48:46.345
created this this way for you.

875
00:48:47.045 --> 00:48:48.185
Not not as

876
00:48:49.285 --> 00:48:51.305
a not as a punishment,

877
00:48:52.405 --> 00:48:53.145
but, like,

878
00:48:53.445 --> 00:48:55.785
I bet that when you were learning,

879
00:48:58.130 --> 00:49:01.650
when you're learning hang on. It's gotta turn the heat on off over there.

880
00:49:01.650 --> 00:49:03.430
It's getting a little too hot in here now.

881
00:49:04.450 --> 00:49:05.830
When you're learning your

882
00:49:07.570 --> 00:49:08.470
to play baseball,

883
00:49:09.410 --> 00:49:11.750
your coach would challenge you. Right?

884
00:49:12.215 --> 00:49:14.315
Would challenge you to run faster,

885
00:49:14.615 --> 00:49:19.415
pitch faster, hit better, whatever. Like, we have challenges that how that's how we grow.

886
00:49:19.415 --> 00:49:25.275
It's the same shit. You organize these challenges for yourself. Your your god creator did whoever.

887
00:49:25.975 --> 00:49:26.475
Mhmm.

888
00:49:26.780 --> 00:49:27.260
And,

889
00:49:27.740 --> 00:49:32.720
and your job is to see that everything that happened here is for you, and there's no reason for you.

890
00:49:32.940 --> 00:49:33.440
Like,

891
00:49:34.140 --> 00:49:38.240
aside from what you're thinking and believing about these things and other things,

892
00:49:38.619 --> 00:49:40.240
there's nothing stopping you.

893
00:49:42.414 --> 00:49:42.914
Nothing.

894
00:49:43.615 --> 00:49:44.914
It's good to fucking work.

895
00:49:52.815 --> 00:49:53.315
Yeah.

896
00:49:53.855 --> 00:49:54.674
I agree

897
00:49:55.119 --> 00:49:55.940
a thousand percent.

898
00:49:56.640 --> 00:49:57.140
Yeah.

899
00:49:58.560 --> 00:50:01.599
So, like yeah. But let's talk about your business for a minute here.

900
00:50:01.599 --> 00:50:05.140
I don't know if you have a hard stop here. No. I'm good. Okay.

901
00:50:05.440 --> 00:50:07.220
So let's talk about your business. So

902
00:50:09.045 --> 00:50:10.505
what I'm suspecting

903
00:50:10.805 --> 00:50:11.545
is happening

904
00:50:13.125 --> 00:50:17.224
well, actually, before I do that, let me just check-in with you. Like, how is all of this landing?

905
00:50:17.525 --> 00:50:18.825
What's coming up for you?

906
00:50:19.605 --> 00:50:21.945
You know, like like I said, there's

907
00:50:22.410 --> 00:50:30.750
understanding things and there's really, you know, owning it and then trying to get the excuses out because really it's all, you know and then so I've

908
00:50:31.450 --> 00:50:33.549
I've realized for a while that,

909
00:50:35.805 --> 00:50:39.825
you know, sort of what is going on. Right? Mhmm. Yeah. And,

910
00:50:42.125 --> 00:50:43.565
you know, and I coach it.

911
00:50:43.565 --> 00:50:48.944
It's that's the crazy thing is I coach it all the time, that we set out to prove the narrative.

912
00:50:49.539 --> 00:50:50.440
Mhmm. And

913
00:50:50.900 --> 00:50:52.920
the scary thing is is that if,

914
00:50:53.940 --> 00:51:01.380
you know, if I am enough, I don't you know, it's like when Jesus comes and says, do you wanna get well to a guy who's crippled for thirty years?

915
00:51:01.380 --> 00:51:04.665
Of course, he wants to get well, but he's asking him, do you wanna get well?

916
00:51:04.665 --> 00:51:07.085
Because getting well means a whole other

917
00:51:07.865 --> 00:51:08.365
life.

918
00:51:09.145 --> 00:51:11.965
And so it's like, am I brave enough

919
00:51:12.905 --> 00:51:16.685
to choose a life? Because what happens if I am enough? What happens if I'm actually successful?

920
00:51:17.410 --> 00:51:21.510
I get my business to a certain level and I've been seeing this pattern. I look back and see

921
00:51:21.810 --> 00:51:25.410
pattern in the car business, pattern in my business, pattern in the ministry, pattern Hold it.

922
00:51:25.490 --> 00:51:31.535
Now in my coaching business of getting to a certain level that was that was acceptable that I didn't have to actually think.

923
00:51:31.535 --> 00:51:34.654
So then I write a book Mhmm. And it's getting good, you know

924
00:51:35.135 --> 00:51:37.934
Mhmm. Good reviews and all that. But woah. Woah. Woah. Woah. Woah.

925
00:51:37.934 --> 00:51:40.515
This is too because it's gonna break the narrative

926
00:51:40.974 --> 00:51:42.515
in half if I keep going.

927
00:51:42.819 --> 00:51:43.619
And so,

928
00:51:44.420 --> 00:51:51.960
I don't know what the fear of breaking that narrative is of being enough, but it's obviously more I'm more afraid of that than than not being enough.

929
00:51:52.339 --> 00:51:55.780
Yeah. No. I I I feel you. Yeah. I know that place.

930
00:51:55.780 --> 00:51:57.960
So what's the I don't know who what's gonna happen.

931
00:51:58.685 --> 00:52:01.941
What's the payoff for you of staying where you are, staying stuck in this way?

932
00:52:01.941 --> 00:52:03.965
Well, I think there's also a belief that,

933
00:52:04.285 --> 00:52:05.905
people will leave me if I'm,

934
00:52:06.365 --> 00:52:09.885
you know, too much, if I'm too successful, if I'm too

935
00:52:10.525 --> 00:52:10.925
there's,

936
00:52:11.680 --> 00:52:14.800
some other things that I've analyzed in my childhood that I get that.

937
00:52:14.800 --> 00:52:16.320
But that wasn't actually my question.

938
00:52:16.320 --> 00:52:19.760
My question, what is the payoff of staying where you are, of staying stuck?

939
00:52:19.760 --> 00:52:21.620
What do you positively get out of? Familiarity.

940
00:52:23.440 --> 00:52:26.100
Yeah. Safety, again. Safety of,

941
00:52:27.675 --> 00:52:30.655
maybe I've found a way to belong by not being enough.

942
00:52:31.035 --> 00:52:33.055
Right. Yeah. A lot of, there's a lot of

943
00:52:33.435 --> 00:52:36.795
like belonging in victimhood. Right? A lot of people do that. Yeah.

944
00:52:36.795 --> 00:52:40.980
A lot of people in your life are used to the old you. In your life. Yeah.

945
00:52:42.000 --> 00:52:42.820
Yeah. Yes.

946
00:52:43.520 --> 00:52:44.020
Yeah.

947
00:52:46.480 --> 00:52:46.980
So

948
00:52:47.600 --> 00:52:52.180
I think you're avoiding one of the payoffs as as well as avoiding having to take responsibility.

949
00:52:52.880 --> 00:52:54.420
Exactly. Yeah. Yeah.

950
00:52:54.875 --> 00:52:59.135
Like, just get on with it. No fucking excuses. What do you wanna create? Let's go.

951
00:52:59.595 --> 00:53:00.095
Right.

952
00:53:00.555 --> 00:53:01.055
Yeah.

953
00:53:01.835 --> 00:53:03.375
Let's do it. And it's gonna

954
00:53:03.835 --> 00:53:06.075
be shit's gonna come up. It's gonna be painful.

955
00:53:06.075 --> 00:53:10.650
It's gonna be, you know, it's gonna be a tough so hard to understand because I was always such a risk taker.

956
00:53:10.650 --> 00:53:14.970
I've taken a lot of risks in my life. Mhmm. Yeah. But not this. But I don't know. Emotional.

957
00:53:14.970 --> 00:53:17.790
This is not that big of a risk. This is like this is like

958
00:53:18.330 --> 00:53:19.930
a plus b equals c. It's it's

959
00:53:20.705 --> 00:53:22.865
I know. Not that hard. Emotional. Emotional.

960
00:53:22.865 --> 00:53:27.225
Emotionally, it's hard, but it it's not take it and see what I learned this in golf too.

961
00:53:27.225 --> 00:53:33.445
I mean, right, I'm in the middle of, like, figuring out this whole thing, this golf trying to figure out myself, journey of self discovery,

962
00:53:33.985 --> 00:53:37.320
how good you are at shots that are supposed to be impossible. Right? Mhmm.

963
00:53:37.320 --> 00:53:39.820
Because there's no expectation there. When they're

964
00:53:40.280 --> 00:53:45.020
you know, the the pressure comes when it should this should work. Mhmm. Mhmm. And now if I fail

965
00:53:45.480 --> 00:53:45.880
Mhmm.

966
00:53:46.280 --> 00:53:48.680
Now it's really on me because this should work.

967
00:53:48.680 --> 00:53:53.015
So it is pretty clear that there's another level to go to in my business and my life. Yeah.

968
00:53:53.155 --> 00:53:56.435
But if I And also, like, what's what kind of bullshit is that that this should work?

969
00:53:56.435 --> 00:54:00.435
It'll work or it won't. Right? Again, like, you're you're overloading something on it.

970
00:54:00.435 --> 00:54:04.135
Like, it will I didn't expect yeah. It's management of expectations. You know? Bullshit.

971
00:54:04.140 --> 00:54:06.220
Same with your business. Who knows what's going to happen?

972
00:54:06.220 --> 00:54:10.779
But if you but like, let's start doing some shit. Break some shit. Yeah. Like you fuck up. Stuff.

973
00:54:10.779 --> 00:54:12.319
Yeah. Let's go fuck up.

974
00:54:12.700 --> 00:54:14.799
Yeah. Let's offend some people today.

975
00:54:16.779 --> 00:54:17.279
Right?

976
00:54:17.660 --> 00:54:18.400
The box.

977
00:54:19.285 --> 00:54:20.585
Yeah. That's pretty good.

978
00:54:20.885 --> 00:54:23.065
Yeah. Generally in my life, I never

979
00:54:23.365 --> 00:54:26.505
went to that gear unless I was really pissed off.

980
00:54:26.805 --> 00:54:28.985
Yeah. So I was doing it for fun.

981
00:54:29.525 --> 00:54:33.460
What's that? Let's do it for fun, playfully, without the anger. Yeah.

982
00:54:33.460 --> 00:54:35.300
And if the anger comes up, that's fine too.

983
00:54:35.300 --> 00:54:38.260
Like, there's a lot of anger there there that needs to be felt.

984
00:54:38.260 --> 00:54:42.920
So it's gonna be part of your practice is, like, connect with that raw emotion.

985
00:54:43.700 --> 00:54:49.625
There's pain, there's grief, there's rage, there's, like, there's emotion in there, like, that Ricky

986
00:54:50.005 --> 00:54:52.265
eight year old Ricky was feeling anxiety,

987
00:54:52.725 --> 00:54:54.425
fear. Right? You can see it in his eyes.

988
00:54:54.805 --> 00:54:55.705
Like, there's, like,

989
00:54:56.085 --> 00:54:59.925
straight jacket of, like, I have to fucking perform here or something bad's gonna happen.

990
00:54:59.925 --> 00:55:05.240
Like, you need to go back in and or the invitation is anyway. You don't need to do fucking anything.

991
00:55:05.240 --> 00:55:08.619
But the invitation is to go in and really connect with him emotionally.

992
00:55:09.319 --> 00:55:12.300
Get in there feeling wise. And it's gonna be messy

993
00:55:13.000 --> 00:55:18.155
and and sometimes ugly, and that's okay. You can't fuck it up. Just go

994
00:55:18.535 --> 00:55:20.315
go sit with him. Go talk to him.

995
00:55:21.015 --> 00:55:27.115
Go listen to him because nobody fucking listened to him. And, and the the the lens that I love is,

996
00:55:28.720 --> 00:55:34.500
what do you wish that your dad had done for him back then? If you'd had the your dream father,

997
00:55:34.880 --> 00:55:40.580
the best father on the fucking planet, how would he have have responded? How would he have seen you?

998
00:55:40.935 --> 00:55:45.595
How would he have stood up for you? What do we have said to you? Where would he have challenged you?

999
00:55:46.055 --> 00:55:48.555
Do that with that young version of you today.

1000
00:55:50.615 --> 00:55:52.635
Yeah. I would have wanted him to raise the expectations

1001
00:55:52.935 --> 00:55:55.575
and I would have wanted him to be true to himself. And,

1002
00:55:57.519 --> 00:56:00.660
you know, like I said, nicest guy in the world, but he should've he should've,

1003
00:56:02.400 --> 00:56:06.259
yeah, he should've had higher expectations for himself and for me. Yeah.

1004
00:56:06.559 --> 00:56:08.339
Yeah. So why are you doing the same?

1005
00:56:14.885 --> 00:56:15.205
Yeah.

1006
00:56:15.205 --> 00:56:21.605
That's I mean, I've spent a lot of my life trying not to be like that, but I I think it's a fair question to,

1007
00:56:22.645 --> 00:56:25.385
wonder if I'm not expecting enough from myself or others.

1008
00:56:25.845 --> 00:56:27.545
Yeah. Maybe you're being too nice.

1009
00:56:29.400 --> 00:56:30.540
Very good possibility.

1010
00:56:31.240 --> 00:56:32.380
Very strong possibility.

1011
00:56:33.080 --> 00:56:33.580
Yeah.

1012
00:56:33.960 --> 00:56:34.460
Yeah.

1013
00:56:35.880 --> 00:56:36.460
I think

1014
00:56:36.839 --> 00:56:37.820
I would stop

1015
00:56:38.680 --> 00:56:39.960
with the with the

1016
00:56:41.805 --> 00:56:42.765
I'd yeah. I'd

1017
00:56:43.405 --> 00:56:46.845
I don't know. Stop. But, like, approach the coaching from a different lens.

1018
00:56:46.845 --> 00:56:49.105
Because the the thing is that that

1019
00:56:49.565 --> 00:56:53.025
it's like you're still operating from the lens that there's something to fucking fix,

1020
00:56:54.819 --> 00:56:56.180
that there's something wrong with you.

1021
00:56:56.180 --> 00:57:03.079
And if I do enough self work, enough healing, enough introspection, enough, like, understanding my patterns, then I'll be fixed, and then I'll be fine.

1022
00:57:03.220 --> 00:57:04.980
You're not fucking broken. Right?

1023
00:57:04.980 --> 00:57:12.045
But the problem is that when you're when you're operating from that lens, the more work you do, the more you're reinforcing the belief that there's something to fix.

1024
00:57:13.545 --> 00:57:15.325
And so you're just digging a hole deeper.

1025
00:57:18.185 --> 00:57:20.425
Yeah. I have to examine that a little bit. I don't I'm

1026
00:57:21.065 --> 00:57:21.885
It's good

1027
00:57:22.580 --> 00:57:27.160
it's good to work with what comes up as it comes up, but let's

1028
00:57:27.540 --> 00:57:28.600
take some action.

1029
00:57:29.060 --> 00:57:30.040
Do the things

1030
00:57:30.500 --> 00:57:34.680
do a group coaching program and maybe completely fucking bombs. Who cares?

1031
00:57:35.465 --> 00:57:36.825
You're trying it. You're doing shit.

1032
00:57:36.825 --> 00:57:43.625
And then you do the group pro coaching program, and then you find yourself, like, terrified before the fucking coaching call because you're like, oh, shit.

1033
00:57:43.625 --> 00:57:47.705
What if I, like, blah blah. I can't deliver or I can't blah, blah, blah. All that shit comes up.

1034
00:57:47.705 --> 00:57:51.550
That's fine. We want it to come up. And then you deal with it there, and then you're like,

1035
00:57:52.010 --> 00:57:55.710
hey. Seven year old Ricky, I I I feel you. I got you.

1036
00:57:57.370 --> 00:58:01.390
You know, this is this is not up to you. It's not up to seven year old Ricky

1037
00:58:01.704 --> 00:58:04.444
to be on the hook for performing for these people.

1038
00:58:05.224 --> 00:58:06.845
Grown up Ricky got this.

1039
00:58:08.265 --> 00:58:09.244
Yeah. I I

1040
00:58:11.865 --> 00:58:13.385
yeah. I really want to

1041
00:58:15.609 --> 00:58:21.050
what's confusing to me is that I do not think I do not I'm not worried about it messing up.

1042
00:58:21.050 --> 00:58:25.690
I think I'm really worried about it working out. Mhmm. This is what I can't figure out about myself.

1043
00:58:25.690 --> 00:58:26.430
I've done,

1044
00:58:26.730 --> 00:58:30.250
like, end of the year reviews with my I've been in group settings.

1045
00:58:30.250 --> 00:58:33.845
I've been forced into that as a pastor and stuff like that. And it's easier.

1046
00:58:33.845 --> 00:58:36.105
It's more powerful and it always works out.

1047
00:58:36.165 --> 00:58:40.725
I think I'm afraid that it's gonna really work out and I just won't get to complain. Doesn't work.

1048
00:58:40.725 --> 00:58:44.240
I won't get to complain anymore. I won't get to it. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Yeah.

1049
00:58:44.240 --> 00:58:47.619
I'm gonna have to life's gonna have to be good, and I don't really want life to be good.

1050
00:58:47.920 --> 00:58:48.579
I I

1051
00:58:49.280 --> 00:58:51.140
I talk about what I call the big pill,

1052
00:58:51.839 --> 00:58:55.460
which is, you know, the moment you realize that you've been keeping yourself

1053
00:58:55.839 --> 00:58:56.339
miserable

1054
00:58:57.135 --> 00:58:59.795
to prove a point of how you were a victim.

1055
00:59:01.295 --> 00:59:08.575
And the moment you real you stop that, you have to own that you fucking did this to yourself for, like, however many years it is.

1056
00:59:08.575 --> 00:59:12.030
Yeah. I create obstacles. You can look at patterns through my whole life.

1057
00:59:12.030 --> 00:59:15.170
If things are too good, I quit that and go get something that's harder.

1058
00:59:15.550 --> 00:59:16.050
Yeah.

1059
00:59:16.670 --> 00:59:17.170
Yeah.

1060
00:59:18.030 --> 00:59:19.010
Yeah. Well,

1061
00:59:20.590 --> 00:59:21.230
yeah, that's,

1062
00:59:22.910 --> 00:59:25.535
But forgive me. Like, bless yourself for that.

1063
00:59:25.535 --> 00:59:28.674
You're just it doesn't make again, you didn't do anything wrong.

1064
00:59:29.055 --> 00:59:33.714
You just did what you did, and it had the consequences that it did. You're human.

1065
00:59:34.015 --> 00:59:38.515
Right? And the the being human part is actually what makes you the most

1066
00:59:39.570 --> 00:59:42.470
adorable, the most attractive, the most love lovable,

1067
00:59:43.090 --> 00:59:44.150
and the most successful.

1068
00:59:44.930 --> 00:59:45.430
Yeah.

1069
00:59:45.970 --> 00:59:46.470
Right.

1070
00:59:47.410 --> 00:59:47.910
Yeah.

1071
00:59:48.370 --> 00:59:48.870
Yeah.

1072
00:59:52.610 --> 00:59:53.970
Yeah. I mean, I was just

1073
00:59:55.785 --> 00:59:57.964
yeah, I don't know what else to say.

1074
00:59:58.505 --> 01:00:02.125
Yeah. Just So I think that on the business level, I think what's

1075
01:00:02.505 --> 01:00:11.005
my suspicion is that what stops you is that as you've gotten more clear in what you do, you're looking at it from your lens, not from theirs.

1076
01:00:12.869 --> 01:00:14.250
That explain that to me.

1077
01:00:14.710 --> 01:00:19.530
Yeah. So you're seeing, oh, what I'm doing is this, like, identity level shift and, like,

1078
01:00:19.990 --> 01:00:25.335
I forget how you described it, but you're seeing it from your lens where you're, like, have the 30,000

1079
01:00:25.335 --> 01:00:29.195
foot view because you've done all this work and you know it and you've seen all these different clients.

1080
01:00:29.255 --> 01:00:34.795
What they're experiencing is, like, I'm stuck here. I'm I'm I want this outcome,

1081
01:00:35.175 --> 01:00:36.795
and I don't know how to get it.

1082
01:00:38.000 --> 01:00:38.500
Right?

1083
01:00:39.760 --> 01:00:44.400
You're coming back into play with my coach that that I'm too cerebral and not enough physical.

1084
01:00:44.400 --> 01:00:46.020
I'm not in the actual physical.

1085
01:00:46.640 --> 01:00:50.205
I'm constantly in the 30,000 foot view of everything. Right.

1086
01:00:50.285 --> 01:00:54.625
Well, it's also how you don't you avoid connecting with seven year old eight year old Ricky

1087
01:00:56.125 --> 01:00:59.425
by staying in your head. Right? Yeah. Yeah.

1088
01:00:59.805 --> 01:01:01.905
Being in your head is a way to avoid experiencing.

1089
01:01:04.525 --> 01:01:05.025
Wow.

1090
01:01:09.220 --> 01:01:13.800
If you analyze the shit out of everything, then you don't have to actually be in it. Exactly.

1091
01:01:14.900 --> 01:01:15.400
Exactly.

1092
01:01:15.700 --> 01:01:18.200
Wow, man. That is so jacked up.

1093
01:01:19.775 --> 01:01:21.315
It's really jacked up.

1094
01:01:21.615 --> 01:01:22.115
Yeah.

1095
01:01:22.494 --> 01:01:27.154
A lot of us developed a really strong mind because it was too fucking painful to be present.

1096
01:01:29.535 --> 01:01:30.035
Yeah.

1097
01:01:34.600 --> 01:01:35.100
Man.

1098
01:01:35.800 --> 01:01:39.100
Yeah. Yeah. It's a it's this thing that you just

1099
01:01:41.240 --> 01:01:46.760
I used to met council all these men, and you would talk to these guys who had these horrific things like their dad getting killed in front of them.

1100
01:01:46.760 --> 01:01:50.365
And they would tell you that, And in two seconds, they go, yeah, but it's alright. It's okay.

1101
01:01:50.365 --> 01:01:54.944
And I'd have to be like, no. Wait a second. Rewind. What did you just say? It's not alright.

1102
01:01:55.484 --> 01:01:57.265
It's not alright. It was terrible.

1103
01:01:57.405 --> 01:02:00.204
And they really just don't wanna they don't wanna really experience.

1104
01:02:00.204 --> 01:02:04.380
And I'm doing the same thing with my childhood. I've always said I wasn't so bad. It's not so bad.

1105
01:02:04.380 --> 01:02:05.359
It was fine.

1106
01:02:06.059 --> 01:02:06.559
Yeah.

1107
01:02:07.420 --> 01:02:09.680
And then I tell people about it, and they're like, that's terrific.

1108
01:02:10.539 --> 01:02:14.960
Yeah. You know? And it's I guess, I don't know what it is so hard about admitting that it was just

1109
01:02:15.579 --> 01:02:20.095
not okay. It was it wasn't fair. It wasn't right. And kids shouldn't have to do that.

1110
01:02:20.095 --> 01:02:23.555
They shouldn't have to go through that. Yeah. But at the same time,

1111
01:02:24.495 --> 01:02:27.235
I'm recreating it over and over by choice.

1112
01:02:27.775 --> 01:02:28.275
Yeah.

1113
01:02:29.295 --> 01:02:29.795
Yeah.

1114
01:02:31.450 --> 01:02:36.270
That's amazing. Yeah. You're a beautiful guy, man. And the the get out of your head and

1115
01:02:36.650 --> 01:02:40.190
really, like, sit with that boy. You know, feel him.

1116
01:02:40.570 --> 01:02:44.330
Nobody was fucking there to help him feel. He didn't know how to feel anything. Right?

1117
01:02:44.330 --> 01:02:46.545
It was just like, let me get away from this shit.

1118
01:02:46.625 --> 01:02:49.605
His dad's sure shit wasn't able to help him do that

1119
01:02:51.025 --> 01:02:55.585
because he wasn't willing to feel any of his shit or he wouldn't have been the nice guy that he was.

1120
01:02:55.585 --> 01:03:00.964
So Right. And allow, like, allow a stepwife to be that cold to his son. Like, what the fuck?

1121
01:03:01.025 --> 01:03:01.684
You know?

1122
01:03:02.520 --> 01:03:07.020
Or step wife, step step mom. Right? Like I never ever took the time to

1123
01:03:07.320 --> 01:03:09.500
analyze that or blame him. It was always

1124
01:03:11.000 --> 01:03:12.940
you know, you don't even think you deserve

1125
01:03:13.240 --> 01:03:15.320
you don't think about that stuff. You don't think

1126
01:03:16.025 --> 01:03:18.745
You're you're doing you're you're right. You could do no wrong in my eyes.

1127
01:03:18.745 --> 01:03:20.445
I mean, he was doing everything he

1128
01:03:20.905 --> 01:03:21.565
he could.

1129
01:03:21.945 --> 01:03:22.445
Yeah.

1130
01:03:22.825 --> 01:03:26.825
So And we're not blaming him, but, like No. Everybody's doing the best they can. Right?

1131
01:03:26.825 --> 01:03:32.000
With what they have. The man, he there was some opportunity there to he didn't show up as a dad.

1132
01:03:32.000 --> 01:03:34.580
He didn't show up as a father. He just didn't.

1133
01:03:35.840 --> 01:03:36.340
Yeah.

1134
01:03:36.800 --> 01:03:37.300
Yeah.

1135
01:03:41.280 --> 01:03:45.945
Mercy, mercy me. I'll tell you what. It's a it's an amazing life. It's an amazing life.

1136
01:03:45.945 --> 01:03:47.885
You're beautiful, man. You truly are.

1137
01:03:48.665 --> 01:03:52.845
Give me Thank you. I appreciate it. Heart. Super smart. Super dedicated.

1138
01:03:53.065 --> 01:03:57.600
Like, you are willing to fucking grind it out for anything. Like, you're brave as fuck.

1139
01:03:58.160 --> 01:04:00.900
This is just, you know No choice, man. No choice.

1140
01:04:01.360 --> 01:04:05.440
This is gonna well, you there was a choice, and you chose this path. Like, you did.

1141
01:04:05.440 --> 01:04:08.980
There was a fucking choice. You could've gone into drugs or or gang

1142
01:04:09.440 --> 01:04:13.645
shit or whatever. There's plenty of other places you could have gone. We didn't.

1143
01:04:14.665 --> 01:04:15.165
Yeah.

1144
01:04:16.185 --> 01:04:16.685
Yeah.

1145
01:04:17.065 --> 01:04:17.565
Yeah.

1146
01:04:18.505 --> 01:04:22.265
Well, Calvin, man, appreciate you. I appreciate the the help. I didn't expect it to be like this.

1147
01:04:22.265 --> 01:04:23.965
I thought we're gonna talk about some plural.

1148
01:04:25.120 --> 01:04:26.260
Yeah. Not really.

1149
01:04:26.960 --> 01:04:28.020
Yeah. No.

1150
01:04:28.080 --> 01:04:35.780
But what you're gonna find is that as you as you unlock this, like and I see this pattern happen a lot is is that, like,

1151
01:04:36.720 --> 01:04:38.340
the tech becomes a a convenient

1152
01:04:39.245 --> 01:04:41.505
another obstacle, right, where, like,

1153
01:04:43.005 --> 01:04:47.085
externalize where, like, when you sort this stuff out, like, you'll figure it out. Right?

1154
01:04:47.085 --> 01:04:50.925
You know yourself or you'll hire the help or whatever because it's not really about that.

1155
01:04:50.925 --> 01:04:54.225
We just make it about that when we're Yep. There are other reasons.

1156
01:04:54.980 --> 01:04:59.559
But so in terms of the offers, like, what I would do is, like, look at your clients that you've

1157
01:05:00.180 --> 01:05:02.740
most enjoyed working with, that you've gotten the best results.

1158
01:05:02.740 --> 01:05:07.000
It's just been the best experience overall and see if there's some patterns. And usually,

1159
01:05:07.505 --> 01:05:08.945
you probably heard about this before.

1160
01:05:08.945 --> 01:05:12.085
There's the three big is like health, wealth, and relationships

1161
01:05:12.865 --> 01:05:14.325
as, like, the big three areas.

1162
01:05:14.865 --> 01:05:16.245
Pick one to start

1163
01:05:16.945 --> 01:05:22.645
and do and figure out, like, who's who's the the dream person and what is the dream like, what is the transformation?

1164
01:05:23.100 --> 01:05:26.320
Who's the person you most like to work with is what I mean. Right? Your ideal avatar.

1165
01:05:26.780 --> 01:05:28.960
And that what is the transformation that

1166
01:05:29.340 --> 01:05:30.640
that they're they want

1167
01:05:30.940 --> 01:05:31.920
in their language?

1168
01:05:32.860 --> 01:05:33.360
Right?

1169
01:05:33.660 --> 01:05:33.980
Mhmm.

1170
01:05:33.980 --> 01:05:38.765
If it's a relationship thing, like, my marriage is stuck, it feels like my wife hates me, whatever.

1171
01:05:38.765 --> 01:05:44.785
We've like, there's no more intimacy, and I want a relationship where we're just super fired up and passionate about each other.

1172
01:05:45.005 --> 01:05:45.505
Or,

1173
01:05:46.444 --> 01:05:46.944
like

1174
01:05:47.565 --> 01:05:48.704
I don't know. Whatever.

1175
01:05:49.030 --> 01:05:50.010
You know? But

1176
01:05:50.390 --> 01:05:52.410
have a a pretty clear transformation

1177
01:05:53.830 --> 01:05:58.970
so that people can understand it using the language that they're thinking in right now.

1178
01:05:59.670 --> 01:06:00.170
Mhmm.

1179
01:06:00.710 --> 01:06:03.290
Because otherwise, they won't understand what you're offering.

1180
01:06:05.815 --> 01:06:08.155
Yeah. That that makes a lot of sense. Yeah.

1181
01:06:09.095 --> 01:06:10.395
What they want in

1182
01:06:10.935 --> 01:06:11.995
in their language.

1183
01:06:12.295 --> 01:06:15.015
Yeah. What it is they want in their language. Yeah.

1184
01:06:15.015 --> 01:06:20.770
And once they get in, you can you you're gonna be educating them, and then what they want might turns out to be different.

1185
01:06:20.770 --> 01:06:21.010
Right?

1186
01:06:21.010 --> 01:06:25.510
Like, we can sell people what they want, and then we can actually deliver what we know they need.

1187
01:06:25.650 --> 01:06:27.890
Right? Yeah. I've been trying to use it.

1188
01:06:27.890 --> 01:06:34.725
I've been using the excuse of that it's not authentic if I'm if I know I'm delivering something other than what they think they want.

1189
01:06:35.025 --> 01:06:35.265
Yeah.

1190
01:06:35.265 --> 01:06:44.500
And so, yeah, I think that's why the business was more successful before because I was, you know, it was about starting a business, so I just couched it in language that of what they need.

1191
01:06:44.500 --> 01:06:47.700
And as I started to define what I'm actually doing, I I was trying to, like

1192
01:06:49.140 --> 01:06:51.560
but you can't tell people that stuff. If you're

1193
01:06:52.340 --> 01:06:54.200
at the 30,000 foot view,

1194
01:06:54.820 --> 01:06:56.280
if they're not, you

1195
01:06:56.740 --> 01:06:58.680
can't do it. Exactly. So Yeah.

1196
01:06:59.015 --> 01:06:59.515
Yeah.

1197
01:06:59.735 --> 01:07:05.035
They're talking about going to Los Angeles and you're talking about the dials on the airplane and how they Exactly.

1198
01:07:05.095 --> 01:07:10.715
Yes. How they work and what we're altitude is and they don't give a shit. They just wanna go to LA.

1199
01:07:11.095 --> 01:07:12.635
Mhmm. Alright. That's super helpful.

1200
01:07:13.170 --> 01:07:17.109
Yeah. Yeah. And then once they're in And it feels authentic. It doesn't feel like

1201
01:07:17.890 --> 01:07:22.770
a a scam. You know what I mean? Exactly. And you're again, you've got a huge heart.

1202
01:07:22.770 --> 01:07:26.150
You you you truly care. So you also know

1203
01:07:26.450 --> 01:07:33.135
if you were to have some client join, and they're like, oh, this is not what I expected, and I really want this thing or whatever.

1204
01:07:33.135 --> 01:07:37.415
You can always have a conversation with them and be like, hey. Alright. I I hear you. A 100%.

1205
01:07:37.535 --> 01:07:41.055
Solve that, or let's refund you, and, like, I hope you got something from it. Whatever.

1206
01:07:41.055 --> 01:07:43.234
Like, you don't take care of people. It doesn't fucking matter.

1207
01:07:43.630 --> 01:07:47.470
Right. I didn't think about that either. I that's for sure. I like to be able to just

1208
01:07:48.990 --> 01:07:53.970
yeah. That that makes a lot of sense. That's that makes it feel it makes it feel a lot safer.

1209
01:07:54.030 --> 01:07:56.590
Because I don't like to let people down. Right? Nobody Yeah.

1210
01:07:56.590 --> 01:08:02.225
You know, that's it's part of And also some people are gonna come to you and be fucking offended and be upset that you're saying whatever you're saying.

1211
01:08:02.225 --> 01:08:02.385
Right?

1212
01:08:02.385 --> 01:08:09.345
Like, you were gonna say shit that provokes people because they're gonna be stuck in their systems and be arguing for their limitations and their patterns and all that stuff.

1213
01:08:09.345 --> 01:08:12.550
So that's gonna happen too. And we know that that has nothing to do with us.

1214
01:08:12.550 --> 01:08:14.250
And we just trust that the

1215
01:08:14.550 --> 01:08:18.810
that God knows what the fuck he's doing. Like, he asked you to do this work and he

1216
01:08:19.270 --> 01:08:23.689
clearly convinced this person to sign up and there's some reason that you're here and you'll figure it out.

1217
01:08:24.895 --> 01:08:28.574
Yeah. I always say, my job is to lead people to the truth and not let them squirm out of it.

1218
01:08:28.574 --> 01:08:32.814
And when I do let them squirm out of it, I get the ick about myself and what I'm doing.

1219
01:08:32.814 --> 01:08:39.270
And if I if I stick with that, you know, they'll either grow or go. That's the way it is. Yeah.

1220
01:08:39.409 --> 01:08:42.710
They either grow or go. Yeah. And that's okay either way.

1221
01:08:43.170 --> 01:08:44.229
Yeah. Yeah.

1222
01:08:44.850 --> 01:08:48.210
Yeah. Really. That's cool. That's really cool. I'm gonna,

1223
01:08:49.330 --> 01:08:50.469
spend some time today

1224
01:08:50.935 --> 01:08:51.915
mulling this over,

1225
01:08:52.614 --> 01:08:54.475
see what I can see what I can do.

1226
01:08:55.654 --> 01:08:59.574
It's great, man. Thank you for being on here today. No. I really appreciate you having me.

1227
01:08:59.574 --> 01:09:01.995
Like I said, I did not expect this. I didn't expect

1228
01:09:02.455 --> 01:09:03.930
coaching session because I

1229
01:09:04.410 --> 01:09:06.090
I love it. I really do. I,

1230
01:09:06.970 --> 01:09:09.070
I need it. The guy that I work with,

1231
01:09:09.450 --> 01:09:12.350
we may be a little familiar, but he's been saying the same things.

1232
01:09:12.570 --> 01:09:16.650
Just gotta have hearing for it a little different. You know? Totally. That's right.

1233
01:09:16.650 --> 01:09:17.470
It's right there.

1234
01:09:17.850 --> 01:09:22.505
So what's what's something you take with you today? What's what what lands with you here?

1235
01:09:26.005 --> 01:09:28.085
I think you can try to change your beliefs.

1236
01:09:28.085 --> 01:09:32.399
You can try to change and but you can really only change your actions and your thoughts.

1237
01:09:32.399 --> 01:09:36.580
And so Right. From what I'm taking away from it is what I've been being shown for

1238
01:09:36.960 --> 01:09:40.260
a couple months now is to get more into the nuts and bolts

1239
01:09:40.800 --> 01:09:41.300
of

1240
01:09:42.640 --> 01:09:43.140
physical

1241
01:09:44.554 --> 01:09:45.054
doing.

1242
01:09:45.435 --> 01:09:47.455
Do just do. Don't quit,

1243
01:09:48.475 --> 01:09:49.375
trying to think,

1244
01:09:50.314 --> 01:09:52.415
analyze it, and, you know, just do it.

1245
01:09:52.475 --> 01:09:57.900
So, yeah, I think I think that's the whole thing is I you know, I've been trying to, like, change my beliefs and get my you know what?

1246
01:09:57.900 --> 01:10:01.360
Sometimes they don't change till you just take a different action and you're you know?

1247
01:10:02.219 --> 01:10:05.840
Unfortunately, sometimes you have to have your arm twisted and your face in the before

1248
01:10:06.699 --> 01:10:07.440
you actually

1249
01:10:07.980 --> 01:10:10.425
do it. So, hopefully, I don't have to wait that long.

1250
01:10:10.425 --> 01:10:12.985
I'll just take action, and and it's you kind of,

1251
01:10:14.585 --> 01:10:18.045
many things here helped me, but, you know, the idea that I'm gonna take care of them anyway

1252
01:10:18.585 --> 01:10:21.990
that I can go and, you know, it's how I finished the book. It was like,

1253
01:10:23.030 --> 01:10:23.910
shitty first draft.

1254
01:10:23.910 --> 01:10:28.710
I thought, you know, I I didn't think I could write a good book, but someone asked me, can you write a shitty book?

1255
01:10:28.710 --> 01:10:31.930
And I was like, yeah. I can write a shitty book. So write the shitty book.

1256
01:10:32.310 --> 01:10:33.930
And it turned out it was pretty good.

1257
01:10:35.205 --> 01:10:36.105
You know? Amazing.

1258
01:10:36.804 --> 01:10:38.344
What's that? Pretty good. Amazing.

1259
01:10:38.965 --> 01:10:41.864
Yeah. Yeah. Well, thanks for pointing me in that direction.

1260
01:10:42.245 --> 01:10:42.745
Yeah.

1261
01:10:43.685 --> 01:10:45.705
Yeah. So, I mean, I have this

1262
01:10:46.449 --> 01:10:49.909
weird feeling that I I should reciprocate, but I'm just gonna be quiet.

1263
01:10:50.610 --> 01:10:54.150
Yeah. You're good. Not used to receiving very much at all. Yeah.

1264
01:10:55.170 --> 01:10:58.550
Well, thanks so much for being on the show. I appreciate it, Ricky, your vulnerability.

1265
01:10:59.090 --> 01:11:00.955
Again, you're you're incredible, man.