WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:04.940 language i use is specifically mind bugs and the mind bug is something like i don't belong 2 00:00:05.520 --> 00:00:10.180 or there's something wrong with me each mind bug creates a prison so i don't belong creates a 3 00:00:10.180 --> 00:00:14.320 prison this is the world that you live in you don't belong and so what are you going to do 4 00:00:14.320 --> 00:00:18.080 you're going to try to get all the certificates you know all the accolades all the degrees all 5 00:00:18.080 --> 00:00:22.660 that stuff to prove that you do belong but it's all coming from within the prison that you don't 6 00:00:22.660 --> 00:00:27.240 belong and so you're never going to escape that prison the journey of life is to use life 7 00:00:27.240 --> 00:00:32.400 including your business which is what i do as a mirror to see oh where am i not free where am i 8 00:00:32.400 --> 00:00:38.020 still in the prison what's the prison let's dissolve it welcome everybody here is uh with 9 00:00:38.020 --> 00:00:44.420 me today is mel thacker and we're gonna see where this conversation goes welcome to the podcast 10 00:00:44.420 --> 00:00:53.920 mel thank you so much for having me calvin yeah it's it's both ways so um yeah tell me about 11 00:00:53.920 --> 00:00:56.640 who who are you who do you serve and uh 12 00:00:57.240 --> 00:01:04.040 is the business challenge that i can help you with today okay i am a surgeon and i am a coach 13 00:01:04.040 --> 00:01:13.740 for surgeons so short story i've been a surgeon for 13 years now i am primarily ear nose i'm ear 14 00:01:13.740 --> 00:01:18.820 nose and throat so i take care of people's sinuses i'm a glorified plumber i went through 15 00:01:19.320 --> 00:01:24.800 plumber yes for the for the face um i thought that that was something i was going to do for 16 00:01:24.800 --> 00:01:26.660 the rest of my life but then in 17 00:01:28.040 --> 00:01:33.680 around 2021 i started having panic attacks in the operating room and so that led me on a coaching 18 00:01:33.680 --> 00:01:40.220 journey and i overcame that and i came out of that dark night of the soul a better human a 19 00:01:40.220 --> 00:01:45.000 better wife better mother better surgeon better doctor better friend all the things and i fell 20 00:01:45.000 --> 00:01:49.260 in love with coaching so then i got coaching certified and i started coaching surgeons and 21 00:01:49.260 --> 00:01:53.240 i was like oh my gosh i'm really good at this and they need it just like i needed it i kind of 22 00:01:53.240 --> 00:01:57.120 had a purpose crisis that culminated in panic attacks a lot of surgeons 23 00:01:57.240 --> 00:02:05.000 are having a purpose crisis and so now i am a coach for surgeons and i also i do keynote speaking 24 00:02:05.000 --> 00:02:09.260 my book is coming out in october i have like all of this other thought leadership stuff that i'm 25 00:02:09.260 --> 00:02:16.800 doing but as a solopreneur building my business i had to learn marketing i had to learn selling 26 00:02:16.800 --> 00:02:23.700 i had to learn social media all of that is very antithetical to the way that doctors think we're 27 00:02:23.700 --> 00:02:27.020 risk averse we expect an outcome 28 00:02:27.240 --> 00:02:31.660 at the end it's like you go to medical school you go to residency you're going to get a job 29 00:02:31.660 --> 00:02:38.100 it's guaranteed but i'm realizing in the world of entrepreneurship it's go fast and break things 30 00:02:38.100 --> 00:02:42.700 which is completely opposite to the way that we want to do we want to do everything perfectly 31 00:02:42.700 --> 00:02:49.240 it's like the anti-perfectionist mindset and so i've been embracing that and learning how to fail 32 00:02:49.820 --> 00:02:56.400 but also um i think maybe my biggest problem is is like the selling piece 33 00:02:57.240 --> 00:03:04.240 is selling in a clean fashion and communicating my products and what i offer to people 34 00:03:05.000 --> 00:03:09.780 in a way that compels them that like moves people i don't i like almost don't want to 35 00:03:09.780 --> 00:03:16.140 talk about what i'm doing because it feels icky okay i don't know if that's if that makes sense 36 00:03:16.640 --> 00:03:23.440 it does okay yeah i love it beautiful uh i'm curious about the what was the worry the panic 37 00:03:23.440 --> 00:03:24.060 attacks about 38 00:03:24.780 --> 00:03:25.260 yeah 39 00:03:27.240 --> 00:03:33.220 I wonder about that i'm not 100 sure but i have some theories probably multi-faceted one the 40 00:03:33.220 --> 00:03:37.960 pandemic made everything feel unsafe so it was like going to work all of a sudden my nervous 41 00:03:37.960 --> 00:03:43.320 system was like going to work is unsafe i was going through a period of insomnia i have a long 42 00:03:43.320 --> 00:03:50.020 history of anxiety so it was like mental health stuff underlying all of that i was starting to 43 00:03:50.020 --> 00:03:55.020 get into a transactional mindset in my private practice where it felt like i go to work i take 44 00:03:55.020 --> 00:03:57.220 care of people's people's sinuses and i'm like i'm going to work i'm going to work i'm going to 45 00:03:57.240 --> 00:04:03.700 get paid and that transaction of like i'm getting a payment for operating started to make me feel 46 00:04:03.700 --> 00:04:09.580 disgusted with myself so it was like i started to have this aversion to work and instead of looking 47 00:04:09.580 --> 00:04:15.500 at that i just kept dragging my ass to work and just forcing myself to just do what i was always 48 00:04:15.500 --> 00:04:19.240 doing because i didn't know anything different and i also didn't know who i was underneath my 49 00:04:19.240 --> 00:04:24.520 surgeon identity so it was like the threat of not having that identity was so terrifying 50 00:04:25.000 --> 00:04:27.100 i think all of that i don't know if maybe 51 00:04:27.240 --> 00:04:32.900 that answers your question but it was all of that together yeah i got it i appreciate that 52 00:04:33.400 --> 00:04:41.540 so yeah what was the transactional piece yeah it's it's like in private practice they call it 53 00:04:41.540 --> 00:04:48.100 eat what you kill where you go in you see patients and you get you get compensated you 54 00:04:48.100 --> 00:04:51.080 know a third party compensates you but when you're in private practice and you're a partner 55 00:04:51.080 --> 00:04:56.640 in private practice you see the revenue cycle so i can i can see you you can come see me for 56 00:04:57.240 --> 00:05:02.278 a sinus consult i scope you i know that if i scope you i will bill three one two three one and i 57 00:05:02.278 --> 00:05:02.540 will 58 00:05:02.540 --> 00:05:07.820 get paid if you have a specific insurance company i will get paid five hundred dollars for that like 59 00:05:07.820 --> 00:05:18.040 i know all of this and it's it's that knowledge that creates a subconscious bias where it can 60 00:05:18.040 --> 00:05:26.423 color how you how you um counsel patients and and it just feels awful like it's like something i 61 00:05:26.423 --> 00:05:26.860 feel 62 00:05:27.240 --> 00:05:31.080 like i shouldn't know not to say that it's bad because it's like it's two sides of a coin one 63 00:05:31.620 --> 00:05:37.140 it's not bad like i'm a i'm pro-capitalism i love it but i love simon sinek's whole idea of the 64 00:05:37.140 --> 00:05:42.500 infinite game like you have to have a skew towards taking care of people first it has to be even if 65 00:05:42.500 --> 00:05:48.420 it's 51 49 you have to have purpose in people over profit and i felt like i just had too much 66 00:05:48.420 --> 00:05:53.280 knowledge of the profit and there's a lot of pressure to like you know the finite mindset of 67 00:05:53.280 --> 00:05:55.540 like getting to your quarterly goals but it's at 68 00:05:57.240 --> 00:06:01.880 operating on people to get there so it just feels so awful right so what i'm hearing is like it's 69 00:06:01.880 --> 00:06:07.460 it's that it's not like getting paid for through the job it's the incentive to get people into 70 00:06:07.460 --> 00:06:13.120 a treatment protocol that isn't necessarily the best for them correct it's like yeah it's your 71 00:06:13.120 --> 00:06:17.300 you're putting the service to the patient as secondary instead of it being the primary thing 72 00:06:17.300 --> 00:06:20.600 and that always always has to be the primary thing kind of like in business serving your 73 00:06:20.600 --> 00:06:27.000 client has to be primary yeah okay makes sense i get it yeah and and you also said about like 74 00:06:27.240 --> 00:06:33.220 a lot of surgeons have a are in a purpose crisis i'm curious about that too what's going on 75 00:06:34.540 --> 00:06:39.160 well we we get into this profession thinking we're going to be elated because we're saving 76 00:06:39.160 --> 00:06:44.940 lives all day and like we overvalue the mastery and the technique because it's like cool i mean 77 00:06:44.940 --> 00:06:49.580 you your hands can do this really cool thing and then you have prestige and people look at you and 78 00:06:49.580 --> 00:06:52.920 you go to parties and you're like oh i'm a surgeon and people like oh my gosh what right 79 00:06:52.920 --> 00:06:57.220 so it's like you think that you're going to walk around just in a way that you're not going to be 80 00:06:57.240 --> 00:07:01.781 a state of joy or happiness it's like the arrival fallacy but then you get into it and you're just 81 00:07:01.781 --> 00:07:01.920 an 82 00:07:01.920 --> 00:07:08.900 adult with a job but a really high-stakes job that is fraught with moral injury and you have 83 00:07:08.900 --> 00:07:14.160 no autonomy with moral injury yes in what way is that what we just talked about with the 84 00:07:14.860 --> 00:07:21.340 no moral injury is more like it comes from a concept that comes from the vietnam vets as a 85 00:07:21.340 --> 00:07:26.240 psychiatrist who is treating them it was kind of like in vietnam you had these these soldiers who 86 00:07:26.240 --> 00:07:27.080 had to do these things 87 00:07:27.240 --> 00:07:32.640 against their moral compass but they had to because of the direction of their generals 88 00:07:32.640 --> 00:07:39.560 and similarly in in health care we have to make decisions because a third party 89 00:07:40.120 --> 00:07:44.180 directs us because we have to follow insurance rules and it may not be the best thing for the 90 00:07:44.180 --> 00:07:49.660 patient and and that essentially is moral injury even there's tiny tiny little examples of that 91 00:07:49.660 --> 00:07:53.680 that are happening all the time it's not always like i want to give you a life-saving treatment 92 00:07:53.680 --> 00:07:57.160 and your insurance company won't pay for it that's like the obvious moral injury 93 00:07:57.240 --> 00:08:04.460 but it's little tiny things like in my world it's i want to put you on a specific type of medication 94 00:08:04.460 --> 00:08:09.680 that is not fda approved for this it's off-label but i know it works and it's super safe but your 95 00:08:09.680 --> 00:08:14.940 insurance won't cover it because it thinks it's it's not okay and they want you to you to go on 96 00:08:14.940 --> 00:08:18.340 this other medicine and so i'm just going to put you on this other nasal spray because i don't want 97 00:08:18.340 --> 00:08:23.120 to have to sit here and battle with the insurance companies um and then it's like the unpaid work 98 00:08:23.120 --> 00:08:27.060 all of that so the moral injury is to you as a surgeon 99 00:08:27.240 --> 00:08:34.380 that you're having to bend your morals because of the the context understood yeah yeah yeah yeah 100 00:08:34.380 --> 00:08:37.560 you can't treat patients the way you want to you're like this patient needs this i know this 101 00:08:37.560 --> 00:08:41.100 will get them better but i have to follow the rules that the insurance company arbitrarily 102 00:08:41.100 --> 00:08:48.180 put in a cookbook or the hospital or whatever yeah yeah yeah makes sense i get it yeah so 103 00:08:48.180 --> 00:08:54.780 that's why surgeons are in a purpose crisis yeah yeah it's kind of like they are living 104 00:08:54.780 --> 00:08:57.000 a dream of a past self 105 00:08:57.240 --> 00:09:02.940 and they um they put like this job on a pedestal and they thought their life was 106 00:09:02.940 --> 00:09:08.120 going to look a certain way and it doesn't look that way at all or feel that way yeah no it makes 107 00:09:08.120 --> 00:09:14.200 perfect sense yeah yeah that's well it's good i'm always like whenever people are in a crisis 108 00:09:14.200 --> 00:09:18.900 of meaning i'm like yes yeah awesome right there's a breakthrough here there's something 109 00:09:19.420 --> 00:09:24.500 that we need to to uh yeah there's there's a better version of you on the other side of that 110 00:09:24.500 --> 00:09:26.680 so that's awesome totally okay it's a beautiful 111 00:09:27.240 --> 00:09:33.960 how does it feel to to help a fellow surgeon navigate that crisis it's amazing it's like the 112 00:09:33.960 --> 00:09:41.140 it lights me up it's the most wonderful thing because you have someone who is actually taking 113 00:09:41.140 --> 00:09:45.260 care of you know potentially has somebody's life in their hands like i will have some clients who 114 00:09:45.260 --> 00:09:51.320 come to me who are frankly suffering and where they're at is unsustainable and if you are doing 115 00:09:51.320 --> 00:09:56.780 a really um like if you're a neurosurgeon or you know there are certain 116 00:09:57.240 --> 00:10:03.060 specialties a trauma surgeon and you're literally like saving lives you can have such a big impact 117 00:10:03.060 --> 00:10:07.420 like i can help them and now because they are well resourced and they can show up to the operating 118 00:10:07.420 --> 00:10:12.320 room as kind of the highest version of themselves that can potentially like save tons of lives so i 119 00:10:12.320 --> 00:10:18.080 like i feel like i'm having this indirect effect on on helping patients by resourcing surgeons and 120 00:10:18.080 --> 00:10:22.600 and i realize i'm really good at it and i just i love it some people don't like to sit around and 121 00:10:22.600 --> 00:10:26.360 like talk to people about like their inner world but i i love that 122 00:10:27.240 --> 00:10:33.020 so it's like mutually beneficial yeah it's wonderful it's amazing yeah this is what i 123 00:10:33.020 --> 00:10:36.760 love what i get to do as well i get to support people like you doing your work and so yeah 124 00:10:36.760 --> 00:10:44.240 it just ripples ripples of unrest ripples is amazing i love it i i keep getting getting this 125 00:10:44.240 --> 00:10:49.400 like intuitive hit about uh one of my favorite books is a book called extraordinary knowing 126 00:10:49.400 --> 00:10:57.140 have you ever heard of that i haven't um it's it's i'd say a couple decades old the the 127 00:10:57.240 --> 00:11:06.620 author has passed now um it's this um i think she was a stanford phd in psychology but one of the 128 00:11:06.620 --> 00:11:12.180 stories he tells is of this surgeon this neurosurgeon so i guess a plumber of the brain 129 00:11:12.180 --> 00:11:20.220 yeah but but he he came to her because he had these migraines and he was just like 130 00:11:20.220 --> 00:11:26.740 non-stop and then they realized through working together that they started the moment he 131 00:11:27.240 --> 00:11:31.340 stopped teaching because he was at a university hospital and so part of his job was teaching but 132 00:11:31.340 --> 00:11:36.340 he stopped teaching and the reason he stopped teaching was that he felt like he couldn't 133 00:11:36.340 --> 00:11:41.580 share his truth about how he did his work because he had a perfect record he's never he'd never lost 134 00:11:41.580 --> 00:11:50.960 a patient and his secret was that he would sit bedside next to his patient and wait until he 135 00:11:50.960 --> 00:11:57.080 saw this white light around their heads and only then would he operate on them and if he 136 00:11:57.080 --> 00:11:57.220 did that he would be like 137 00:11:57.240 --> 00:12:00.500 didn't see the light, he wouldn't operate. He wouldn't touch him. And he was like, if I share 138 00:12:00.500 --> 00:12:07.600 this with anybody in my profession, they will laugh me out of the fucking room. Yeah. I better 139 00:12:07.600 --> 00:12:14.180 shut the fuck up and not tell anybody. And, uh, yeah. Well, that's interesting. Cause like I have, 140 00:12:14.180 --> 00:12:19.680 I have a framework that is kind of similar to that, but it gives language to it. I call it 141 00:12:19.680 --> 00:12:24.020 the belief triad, the surgeon belief triad. And if you have it, if everything's intact, 142 00:12:24.020 --> 00:12:28.020 then you are going to be the safest you can be in the operating room. And that's belief in self 143 00:12:28.020 --> 00:12:34.180 belief in the patient and belief in the surgery. And, um, it sounds like maybe he like sensed that 144 00:12:34.180 --> 00:12:40.500 in some way. Exactly. And he's visually as like light around the patient's head. Yeah. 145 00:12:40.720 --> 00:12:48.320 So anyways, the book is about how she found, she gathered all these PhDs and sciences that, 146 00:12:48.340 --> 00:12:53.020 that had these extraordinary paranormal experiences and, and, and brought them 147 00:12:53.020 --> 00:12:53.960 together to study these. 148 00:12:54.020 --> 00:12:58.340 Phenomenal share their experiences and figure out what the hell is going on. Cause like we all see 149 00:12:58.340 --> 00:13:01.780 these things are real, but we can't talk to our colleagues about them cause it's too, too out 150 00:13:01.780 --> 00:13:06.640 there. And that, you know, so it's a phenomenal book. It's fascinating. So. Yeah. Well, then you 151 00:13:06.640 --> 00:13:10.720 have all these like, you know, near death experiences and not everyone can be lying. 152 00:13:10.800 --> 00:13:16.660 If it's all similar, like you see people that have died in the past, everyone has the white 153 00:13:16.660 --> 00:13:22.500 light, like all similar stories. Yeah. These people can't all be flaky and making this up. 154 00:13:23.280 --> 00:13:23.640 No. 155 00:13:24.320 --> 00:13:30.220 No, but there's a very clear bias against talking about these things still. Right. 156 00:13:30.360 --> 00:13:35.380 Yeah, exactly. Like, I love the woo. I mean, I, I think it's like interesting that 157 00:13:35.960 --> 00:13:42.520 you have a, a surgeon who follows evidence-based guidelines, but is religious. Like you're 158 00:13:42.520 --> 00:13:48.400 essentially believing a story that you have no proof for. So I don't know. I don't see the 159 00:13:48.400 --> 00:13:53.220 difference in the, like the woo. And everybody has experiences of love. Like we all know what 160 00:13:53.220 --> 00:13:53.915 love is. And these are like, you know, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, 161 00:13:53.915 --> 00:13:54.000 it's, it's, 162 00:13:54.000 --> 00:13:57.020 yeah we all live according to all these things that can be measured 163 00:13:57.880 --> 00:14:01.640 Yet we go, and then we change the, the clothes or the context. 164 00:14:01.780 --> 00:14:04.260 And then we think that everything has to be measured. It doesn't make any sense, but 165 00:14:04.260 --> 00:14:05.960 yeah, that's how we 서로ar anybody's life 166 00:14:05.960 --> 00:14:15.040 live. Sweet. So, um, Tell me about the anxiety. You said like pandemic and feeling unsafe in that 167 00:14:15.040 --> 00:14:21.220 environment, but you's also said, you kind of really are always had anxiety. And, and, um, I 168 00:14:21.220 --> 00:14:23.980 figured in insomnia was like a long-standing thing. Or was it more a pandemic, but insomnia was like 169 00:14:24.000 --> 00:14:29.840 thing, but like, tell me about the anxiety. Yeah. I mean, I've, I come from childhood trauma 170 00:14:29.840 --> 00:14:35.620 and like poverty. So I think that has always been like, oh no, I'm in survival mode. I think 171 00:14:35.620 --> 00:14:43.000 survival mode has always been my norm. And, um, that's probably what contributes it's nature 172 00:14:43.000 --> 00:14:47.120 nurture. And then I have a lot of mental health issues in my family. Like my dad is bipolar 173 00:14:47.120 --> 00:14:53.020 slash schizophrenic. My mom has borderline personality disorder and ADHD. And I'm pretty 174 00:14:53.020 --> 00:15:00.460 sure I have ADHD as well. So it's probably some genetic as well. Um, but I've always, um, I don't 175 00:15:00.460 --> 00:15:07.040 know. I think it has like served me well and I've been able to manage it. However, in the pandemic, 176 00:15:07.140 --> 00:15:12.620 that was kind of when all of my work was taken away, that was really what kind of woke me up 177 00:15:12.620 --> 00:15:17.380 because it's, I'm in a private practice. I'm running a million miles per hour. I am seeing 178 00:15:17.380 --> 00:15:21.520 patients. I'm coming home. I'm taking care of my family. I'm never stopping. It's like, you never 179 00:15:21.520 --> 00:15:23.000 sit quietly in a room. 180 00:15:23.020 --> 00:15:28.080 And are with your thoughts. But when the pandemic hit, it was like all of the work was taken away. 181 00:15:28.220 --> 00:15:33.180 And so that was just me. And that's when I realized, oh God, like I am, I'm addicted to 182 00:15:33.180 --> 00:15:38.960 work. I'm addicted to just going so fast that I never have to stop and like process. So I think 183 00:15:38.960 --> 00:15:43.600 that was the way that I manage my anxiety. I'm a huge runner. I've run marathons. I think I just 184 00:15:43.600 --> 00:15:50.660 run. I just keep going so that I don't have to look at it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. A lot of endurance 185 00:15:50.660 --> 00:15:52.740 athletes. They're like for sure. 186 00:15:53.020 --> 00:15:59.300 I think from something. Yeah. We all do that. We all have our ways of doing that. I was, I was 187 00:15:59.300 --> 00:16:03.280 going to do a podcast. Maybe I'll still do a podcast. That's just called running from purpose 188 00:16:03.800 --> 00:16:08.260 because people about all the crazy shit that we do to run away from what we're really here to do. 189 00:16:08.920 --> 00:16:11.660 Yeah. And that's what I was doing. I was running away from purpose because I think 190 00:16:11.660 --> 00:16:16.220 behind the scenes I had changed and evolved and what I thought I wanted, I no longer wanted. It 191 00:16:16.220 --> 00:16:21.500 was almost like an external validation bubble popped because it was, I make, I have everything. 192 00:16:21.600 --> 00:16:22.917 I have the house. I have the job. I have the kids. I have the kids. I have the kids. I have the 193 00:16:22.917 --> 00:16:23.000 kids. 194 00:16:23.020 --> 00:16:29.180 I have the husband. I have everything. I have everything ever wanted, but yet nothing is 195 00:16:29.180 --> 00:16:37.300 different internally. It's not making you happy. Right. Yeah. Yeah. And that's when I realized, 196 00:16:37.500 --> 00:16:41.440 Oh wait, external circumstances can't give me what I want. 197 00:16:41.780 --> 00:16:45.860 No, exactly. Yeah. No, they can't. You can pay off your loans. You can have 198 00:16:46.500 --> 00:16:50.580 all of the things. It'll never be enough. I think that was the moment I was like, Oh, 199 00:16:50.580 --> 00:16:52.660 I'm still a terrified little child. 200 00:16:53.160 --> 00:17:01.560 And then that was, that showed up as insomnia and then the worst end of anxiety, which is panic 201 00:17:01.560 --> 00:17:05.660 attacks. That was kind of like my body just saying like, you can't keep running. You have 202 00:17:05.660 --> 00:17:12.280 to actually stop and do something about this. Yeah. How, how beautiful and what courage and 203 00:17:12.280 --> 00:17:17.500 bravery of you to just even face that and acknowledge that and be with that. Most people 204 00:17:17.500 --> 00:17:23.000 never do that. Yeah. Yeah. And I mean, panic attacks can really derail a career. 205 00:17:23.020 --> 00:17:30.760 And I thought they would, but I'm, I'm pretty amazed by how I can, I can still do my job and 206 00:17:30.760 --> 00:17:36.400 talk about this. Like I talk about panic attacks very openly and my patients know this. And I think 207 00:17:36.400 --> 00:17:41.500 there's a misconception that you can't be honest, that you have to like live a secret life or 208 00:17:41.500 --> 00:17:47.180 radical transparency can't coexist with like a surgical career. And that's what I think maybe 209 00:17:47.180 --> 00:17:52.020 the purpose crisis is. And like, that's probably what I was going through is the, the fact that 210 00:17:52.020 --> 00:17:53.000 the inside didn't matter. And I think that's what I think the purpose crisis is. And like, that's 211 00:17:53.020 --> 00:17:53.520 the, that's what I think the purpose crisis is. And I think it's very important to think about 212 00:17:53.520 --> 00:17:58.480 the outside. And, and that's what a lot of people I think come to me with. I help them 213 00:17:59.100 --> 00:18:05.160 make like bridge that gap. And I had such a huge dissonance between who I was internally and who 214 00:18:05.160 --> 00:18:10.840 I was presenting to be to the world. And that's what I think is maybe even a, a big source of the 215 00:18:10.840 --> 00:18:15.280 suffering that a lot of people in medicine and surgery have. Cause it's like the facade of 216 00:18:15.280 --> 00:18:22.520 prestige and the ego and the white coat, but then internally you're just miserable. Yeah. Yeah. I 217 00:18:22.520 --> 00:18:26.920 mean, and a lot, a hundred percent and a lot of people in any profession, for sure. Any industry. 218 00:18:27.660 --> 00:18:31.320 Yeah. But you, you, I get your point like specifically, cause it's, there's all the 219 00:18:31.320 --> 00:18:39.200 prestige and, you know, surgeons, doctors, all that stuff. I get that. So yeah. So you still 220 00:18:39.200 --> 00:18:45.320 have panic attacks. Yeah. I do. Like once you like lay down that neural pathway, you can't get 221 00:18:45.320 --> 00:18:51.980 rid of it. It's, it's there. Okay. I would be like ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. I highly doubt 222 00:18:52.520 --> 00:19:02.180 let's, let's, uh, let's go. So, um, let's, let's, um, we'll get there. Let's walk me through, 223 00:19:02.240 --> 00:19:06.600 like, what does a panic attack look like these days? Well, I don't know for everybody. I mean, 224 00:19:06.620 --> 00:19:13.280 for me, it's, um, I, my hands start shaking and then I start feeling like the lights are going to 225 00:19:13.280 --> 00:19:20.780 go out. And so now, now that I know exactly what it is and I can, I can manage it. If, if I'm 226 00:19:20.780 --> 00:19:22.500 triggered, which if I'm in a new environment, I'm in a new environment, I'm in a new environment. 227 00:19:22.500 --> 00:19:27.100 If it's really hot, those are all triggers for me. And if people don't understand, if like, 228 00:19:27.120 --> 00:19:32.120 if everyone around me, I feel like is judging me, then those will be triggers for me. So I just have 229 00:19:32.120 --> 00:19:35.780 to let my team know. So I'm like, if my hands shake for like a second, the moment I inject 230 00:19:35.780 --> 00:19:40.340 the septum, which is the first step of surgery, that's just me having a panic attack. It'll resolve 231 00:19:40.340 --> 00:19:45.180 in like two seconds. And then I get going and I'm good. But before I think I used to resist it 232 00:19:46.120 --> 00:19:50.400 and that resistance of it would make it worse. But now I like move through it. I'm just like, 233 00:19:50.460 --> 00:19:52.300 this is what it looks like. Everybody. It's no big deal. 234 00:19:52.500 --> 00:19:56.560 It'll be over in two seconds. Don't, don't be alarmed that like my hands shake for like two 235 00:19:56.560 --> 00:20:03.860 seconds. Got it. So I'm hearing like, it happens at work. You, I see, you said judgment work only 236 00:20:03.860 --> 00:20:11.060 at work. Okay. Interesting. New environment. And you said hot, like temperature hot. And then, 237 00:20:11.620 --> 00:20:16.920 and I heard you say like, everybody's judging you. Yeah. Yeah. That's this, that's the feeling 238 00:20:16.920 --> 00:20:21.780 or that's the, yeah, that's the fear. Like that, that is kind of like the nervous system is like, 239 00:20:22.640 --> 00:20:26.340 you don't want, you don't want to be under the microscope, right? You don't want anyone to be 240 00:20:26.340 --> 00:20:32.660 watching your every move is like the fear about me. Let's talk about you for a second. Yeah. No, 241 00:20:32.740 --> 00:20:38.280 that's exactly like the, my, my body's fear is like the fear of exposure. Okay. Exposed nervous 242 00:20:38.280 --> 00:20:44.920 system exposed for what? What are you afraid they'll know about you? What's the worst? 243 00:20:44.960 --> 00:20:48.980 Being a fraud, not being good at your job, being dangerous. 244 00:20:49.620 --> 00:20:54.270 Uh-huh. Okay. Yeah. 245 00:20:54.450 --> 00:21:00.910 Um, cause I think that part thinks I'm like a child. It doesn't know that I'm 45, almost 46. 246 00:21:01.050 --> 00:21:05.270 I've been doing this and I've done thousands of these and I'm good at it. It like, it's almost 247 00:21:05.270 --> 00:21:12.050 like that part doesn't know. So what, what's the moment when you're a kid 248 00:21:13.850 --> 00:21:18.870 and when you picture that feeling, that state that you're in when the panic attacks happen now, 249 00:21:18.990 --> 00:21:23.050 right? I mean, your hands are shaking and it's hot and you're like, oh shit, people are judging 250 00:21:23.050 --> 00:21:24.430 me. I'm a fraud. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't 251 00:21:24.450 --> 00:21:31.130 know. I don't know. I'm not good. I'm dangerous. If you just picture you as a kid, what's the 252 00:21:31.130 --> 00:21:50.410 moment that pops up where you felt the same feeling being with my extended family, anything 253 00:21:50.410 --> 00:21:57.910 with an extended family? What's just one moment. Walk me through what, where were you? How old are 254 00:21:57.910 --> 00:22:08.130 you? Um, Thanksgiving. Okay. And I w I was like eight years old at my grandparents' house. And I 255 00:22:08.130 --> 00:22:09.090 was not walking around. I was walking around. I was walking around. I was walking around. I was 256 00:22:09.110 --> 00:22:12.890 walking around. I was walking around. I was walking around. I was walking around. 257 00:22:14.890 --> 00:22:18.890 So we were, we were, we were at like kind of Thanksgiving 258 00:22:18.890 --> 00:22:20.970 time. I was three years old and they just silently knocked on my door and they came in. 259 00:22:20.970 --> 00:22:22.090 And I'm like . Which was kind of scary. I was in shock and it was like, okay, man, is this really 260 00:22:22.090 --> 00:22:39.090 going to last? And then I was like, yes, that was from when I was eight. I entered into a 3.6 261 00:22:41.170 --> 00:22:47.290 you walking in in is it outside inside inside everyone's in the kitchen they're all laughing 262 00:22:47.290 --> 00:22:53.470 and and talking and yeah and then your family walks in do you have brothers and sisters 263 00:22:53.470 --> 00:23:01.370 i have i have a sister yeah older younger younger younger how old is she she's four years younger 264 00:23:01.370 --> 00:23:09.290 okay so you're eight she's four how's she doing she's doing pretty good like in the moment as 265 00:23:09.290 --> 00:23:15.010 four years old oh as a four-year-old yeah she's she's affected by this or no she's accepted 266 00:23:15.570 --> 00:23:22.990 yeah okay huh how did that make you feel eight-year-old mel like a an outsider yeah 267 00:23:24.630 --> 00:23:29.870 yeah yeah it's the fear of ostracism i'm like i feel like an outsider i feel like 268 00:23:29.870 --> 00:23:37.210 i don't belong nobody here loves me there's something wrong with me i get it yeah 269 00:23:37.210 --> 00:23:40.650 i know so so 270 00:23:40.730 --> 00:23:45.970 you you're a little sister what's your name crystal crystal you and crystal and your parents 271 00:23:45.970 --> 00:23:51.250 walk into your what was it grandparents house everybody's in the kitchen laughing having fun 272 00:23:51.250 --> 00:23:57.290 then you come in like what does it go quiet like what's this what's what's happening here that i'm 273 00:23:57.290 --> 00:24:04.450 i'm ignored by everyone and your parents they're welcomed but you're not or like how does it 274 00:24:04.450 --> 00:24:10.610 yeah well yeah i'm ignored and then the only time i'm acknowledged is with like a snarky 275 00:24:10.730 --> 00:24:18.210 comment or something to criticize or insult me yeah which doesn't seem like a lot but it's like 276 00:24:18.210 --> 00:24:23.790 when you walk in i feel like that whole idea of everybody greeting you and hugging you 277 00:24:24.790 --> 00:24:32.690 when that doesn't exist i don't know why that's so painful for for a child well for you yeah for 278 00:24:32.690 --> 00:24:40.470 me for child me yeah yeah no and and you didn't do anything wrong mel didn't do anything wrong what 279 00:24:40.730 --> 00:24:43.550 being the mother that you are today 280 00:24:45.910 --> 00:24:49.750 if eight-year-old mel is your daughter what do you think she what does she most need 281 00:24:49.750 --> 00:24:56.070 from from you from her mom she needs to know that she's perfect just the way that she is 282 00:24:56.070 --> 00:25:01.810 that she hasn't done anything wrong there's nothing wrong with her but the way that she's 283 00:25:01.810 --> 00:25:07.890 being treated is a reflection of the people around her not a reflection of her yeah and 284 00:25:07.890 --> 00:25:10.710 maybe like she's eight right maybe she just needs to be held up and she needs to be held up and she 285 00:25:10.730 --> 00:25:19.730 needs to be held yeah hugged yeah seen yeah yeah played with yeah yeah would you up for just 286 00:25:19.730 --> 00:25:26.290 taking a moment doing that right now sure yeah all right close your eyes just like picture her 287 00:25:26.290 --> 00:25:34.950 in that moment coming in and then what what you can do is like just picture your family coming in 288 00:25:34.950 --> 00:25:40.110 like take like freeze the frame at like that moment where she feels it hit her 289 00:25:40.890 --> 00:25:48.590 just freeze it now today mel walks in everything's frozen and but eight-year-old mel 290 00:25:49.090 --> 00:25:56.510 and you are there and just hold her don't need to say a lot of words but whatever comes to mind 291 00:25:56.510 --> 00:26:04.240 whatever you want to tell her just give her that right now make her really feel it in her nervous 292 00:26:04.240 --> 00:26:38.410 system in her heart in her belly oh that's really nice yeah yeah i just 293 00:26:38.630 --> 00:26:47.180 wanted to be told like i'm so happy you're here yeah well i'm so happy you're here yeah thank you 294 00:26:47.180 --> 00:26:58.940 i'm so happy she's here yeah are you happy she's there yes yeah right she's an awesome kid 295 00:26:58.940 --> 00:27:01.240 fuck yeah she is yeah 296 00:27:01.240 --> 00:27:11.360 yeah exactly yeah is it true that she doesn't belong no well 297 00:27:11.700 --> 00:27:20.500 maybe with this tribe but that's okay she finds her own tribe yeah and like is it possible to not 298 00:27:20.500 --> 00:27:33.430 belong to the family you're born into that's a good question i think so yes 299 00:27:33.430 --> 00:27:41.120 what does it mean to not belong perhaps maybe not with that culture 300 00:27:42.280 --> 00:27:49.240 to have different values different beliefs different worldviews but that's not a bad thing 301 00:27:49.800 --> 00:27:53.340 no that's okay or maybe it's just not fitting in but you're still belonging 302 00:27:54.460 --> 00:28:04.540 yeah yeah i didn't fit in that's okay you're different yes very right you're different 303 00:28:04.540 --> 00:28:10.160 and everybody's different to some extent but maybe you stood out more but i wouldn't even 304 00:28:10.160 --> 00:28:16.780 go as far as saying that that made you not fit in it's just like yeah you can't not belong like 305 00:28:16.780 --> 00:28:20.680 you're born into the fucking world you're born into this family how the fuck could you not belong 306 00:28:21.560 --> 00:28:30.430 you're exactly right it'd be like saying my my kids don't belong and like whoever they are is who 307 00:28:30.430 --> 00:28:37.990 they are and they've yeah it's beautiful and even if every person like even if you and their father 308 00:28:37.990 --> 00:28:44.090 and everybody in your extended family hated those kids for whatever reason doesn't mean they don't 309 00:28:44.090 --> 00:28:52.190 they don't belong yeah that's so true yeah yeah decide that yeah who decides you're here right 310 00:28:53.710 --> 00:29:00.190 that's so true i don't know why that just like cracked something open to me that's like wow you're 311 00:29:00.190 --> 00:29:09.410 good at this yeah thank you yeah you can't not fucking belong maybe that's why it's been so 312 00:29:09.410 --> 00:29:14.370 painful because it's a lie exactly right you just hit it right on the fucking head 313 00:29:16.520 --> 00:29:24.800 wow that's so fucking crazy yeah and it's like what's that go ahead no it's it's 314 00:29:24.820 --> 00:29:33.300 just like it's something that i've had with me this whole time yeah yeah so it's so beautiful 315 00:29:33.300 --> 00:29:39.920 yeah it's like we can spend so much energy trying to outlive a lie or like outrun a lie but like 316 00:29:39.920 --> 00:29:46.580 it's just a fucking lie yeah i know that's the lie that i've been running away from i've been 317 00:29:46.580 --> 00:29:51.480 trying to to prove it i was like let me just go be really good at school let me go prove everyone 318 00:29:51.480 --> 00:29:54.400 wrong yeah let me show them yeah 319 00:29:55.820 --> 00:30:05.100 because of a lie yeah that's so interesting yeah and it's i didn't need to do any of that 320 00:30:05.660 --> 00:30:18.050 i just needed to just be yeah exactly you're getting it so fast yeah no it's like it's i 321 00:30:18.050 --> 00:30:21.950 don't know it's just such a mind fuck where i'm like ever since i've been a little kid i was like 322 00:30:21.950 --> 00:30:26.230 let me figure out what's wrong with me yeah everything around me is telling me there's 323 00:30:26.230 --> 00:30:29.490 something wrong with me but that was a lie the whole time it was 324 00:30:30.550 --> 00:30:37.570 yeah there's never anything wrong with you how could there be yeah like how could there be 325 00:30:37.570 --> 00:30:45.820 anything wrong with you there there can't you can't be any different than you are right exactly 326 00:30:45.820 --> 00:30:53.540 the fuck yeah no exactly and i it's like the the word perfect i think is so interesting because 327 00:30:53.540 --> 00:31:00.040 it's i like the meaning of like whole and complete and it's we are born perfect because 328 00:31:00.040 --> 00:31:02.420 we're born whole and complete whoever we are whatever they are we're born perfect we're born 329 00:31:02.440 --> 00:31:07.660 whatever we are whatever gifts we have and whatever weaknesses we have we just have yeah 330 00:31:09.220 --> 00:31:14.800 yeah and we humans are very good at making these judgments yes things should be something other 331 00:31:14.800 --> 00:31:19.720 than what they are right we get addicted to that yes all the shoulds it should be this it 332 00:31:19.720 --> 00:31:23.480 should be that but like it is what it is you know oh my god that's so interesting that i'm 333 00:31:23.480 --> 00:31:28.620 like doing that reverse on my extended family because i'm like they should have made me feel 334 00:31:28.620 --> 00:31:32.420 more welcome yeah but they just shouldn't there's no reason to feel more welcome to them yeah 335 00:31:32.440 --> 00:31:38.530 there's no reason for them to be different either no you're getting it really fast 336 00:31:40.210 --> 00:31:44.490 well it's just like it's interesting how it's two sides of the coin i didn't realize how 337 00:31:44.490 --> 00:31:50.850 judgmental i was being like counter judgmental for being judged yeah and you're so innocent in 338 00:31:50.850 --> 00:32:03.150 doing that because like it's just your survival yeah yeah but now you know better yeah wow yeah 339 00:32:05.840 --> 00:32:09.440 i don't have so much like animosity towards my my family anymore that's so interesting 340 00:32:11.020 --> 00:32:15.800 yeah they're just doing their best yes yes they're just doing their fucking programming 341 00:32:15.800 --> 00:32:20.860 yeah one of my favorite teachers is byron katie and she has this phrase she says 342 00:32:21.500 --> 00:32:25.760 whenever she walks into a room she knows that everybody there already loves her 343 00:32:26.300 --> 00:32:35.780 yes might not have realized it yet everybody's pure love it's just sometimes we have like all 344 00:32:35.780 --> 00:32:42.940 this mind stuff that obscures it we forget it for a moment yeah yeah no wonder people do horrible 345 00:32:42.940 --> 00:32:43.820 things it's not 346 00:32:44.440 --> 00:32:48.960 it's just because they forget like nobody would ever do anything bad from that place 347 00:32:50.640 --> 00:32:54.060 of of like love as opposed to doing a place of hurt 348 00:32:54.060 --> 00:33:00.100 yeah yeah self-destruction or otherwise now like i was self-destructing 349 00:33:01.840 --> 00:33:04.920 until my nervous system was like you can't keep going on like this 350 00:33:07.020 --> 00:33:23.520 yeah so is it is it true that you're not safe no tell me about that 351 00:33:23.520 --> 00:33:24.040 you 352 00:33:25.640 --> 00:33:33.940 don't think that part really fully believes that yet but maybe i want to yeah like there's a part 353 00:33:33.940 --> 00:33:40.660 of me that still doesn't feel safe yeah in what way do you not feel safe in that exposure exposure 354 00:33:40.660 --> 00:33:57.370 judgment so what is the what is the worst thing that they can say about you that i'm wrong that 355 00:33:57.370 --> 00:34:10.290 i'm stupid have you ever been wrong have you ever been stupid totally yeah so you can just 356 00:34:10.290 --> 00:34:19.320 agree with them yeah i can agree with that yeah that i made a mistake yeah yeah i could agree 357 00:34:19.320 --> 00:34:25.800 with that yeah yeah you've been stupid at times for sure yeah totally yeah so you just agree 358 00:34:26.660 --> 00:34:45.940 yeah you're so right thank you for pointing that out yes well now i'm trying to figure out like why 359 00:34:45.940 --> 00:34:46.960 why i need to 360 00:34:46.980 --> 00:35:12.600 feel safe too safe from what it's almost being canceled is like the fear of our losing an 361 00:35:12.600 --> 00:35:23.590 identity okay canceled from what or in what way like having having an identity ripped away 362 00:35:23.590 --> 00:35:30.870 of like of being a surgeon like let's say i'm trying to think of how this comes up 363 00:35:32.010 --> 00:35:34.250 at work because this is where it all 364 00:35:34.250 --> 00:35:34.470 happens 365 00:35:34.490 --> 00:35:42.410 but it's just me as an eight-year-old at thanksgiving and the fear is being exposed 366 00:35:42.410 --> 00:35:47.330 being judged being seen but then what that would mean i could be canceled and if that's the case 367 00:35:47.330 --> 00:35:55.510 then that could look like being um you know losing your privileges or going through a lawsuit 368 00:35:55.510 --> 00:36:00.750 something along those lines would be the tangible way it would show up and then that would mean that 369 00:36:00.750 --> 00:36:04.230 i would lose my surgeon identity and now i can't do my work and i 370 00:36:04.230 --> 00:36:09.370 if i don't know who i am underneath that but now that i'm diversifying my identity it's okay 371 00:36:10.470 --> 00:36:14.930 it's okay if i lose that but still it's like the failure of it it's like fear of failing 372 00:36:14.930 --> 00:36:27.120 then i would have failed and then what and then i'm a failure and then what and then i would figure 373 00:36:27.120 --> 00:36:32.000 out what to do next right but what's the fear what's the fear of being a failure it's the 374 00:36:32.000 --> 00:36:37.680 emotional state of feeling like a failure and so what so that's a feeling you can be with 375 00:36:37.780 --> 00:36:43.760 feelings you know how to be with feelings yeah it would just really suck for how long for like 90 376 00:36:43.760 --> 00:36:52.900 seconds yeah yeah yeah is it is it the belonging again like if you're a failure you're you don't 377 00:36:52.900 --> 00:36:59.040 belong or you're going to be rejected or yeah i think it comes back to that because then if 378 00:36:59.040 --> 00:37:09.000 you're a failure now you're rejected you've you've lost a community yeah so what what 379 00:37:09.120 --> 00:37:15.860 i'm hearing i hear a lot of like of identity being tied up to specific things it's like i am 380 00:37:15.860 --> 00:37:22.100 a surgeon or then it becomes like i am a failure i don't know who i am without this like so what 381 00:37:22.100 --> 00:37:30.240 i'd invite you to consider just like that we don't need anything to put after i am just i am 382 00:37:30.240 --> 00:37:36.880 yes i operate i function as a surgeon i have an education as a surgeon 383 00:37:36.880 --> 00:37:39.940 it doesn't mean that i am a surgeon do you know what i'm saying 384 00:37:39.940 --> 00:37:40.740 mm-hmm 385 00:37:41.460 --> 00:37:44.780 like who are you at a soul level you just are 386 00:37:45.480 --> 00:37:58.060 mm-hmm all the other stuff is just surface yeah no it is it is this um never-ending 387 00:37:58.060 --> 00:38:06.680 seeking to put something after i am for sure yeah trying to define who i am yeah from 388 00:38:11.570 --> 00:38:17.550 the mental yes not yeah exactly cognitively 389 00:38:17.670 --> 00:38:25.490 mm-hmm but if i'm yeah and the reason you do that is to avoid feeling to avoid experiencing 390 00:38:26.730 --> 00:38:38.300 yes but if i follow just how i'm feeling then that becomes like a moot point essentially 391 00:38:41.080 --> 00:38:46.960 because if i'm just following my own fascination then i can just follow that wherever it takes me 392 00:38:46.960 --> 00:38:50.780 like it took me into surgery and then it took me into coaching and that's okay 393 00:38:51.840 --> 00:38:53.440 yeah and none of it is who you are you're not a surgeon you're not a surgeon you're not a surgeon 394 00:38:53.460 --> 00:38:55.260 you are is what you do 395 00:38:55.260 --> 00:39:12.510 mm-hmm yeah i see yeah it's like really resting in resting in just the being that you are 396 00:39:12.510 --> 00:39:18.170 and getting more and more comfortable there with your eight-year-old self and all the other 397 00:39:18.670 --> 00:39:23.550 whatever year old versions of meg are there and just being present with that 398 00:39:24.790 --> 00:39:28.050 and then we can go do stuff and we get in our heads about things and that's fine 399 00:39:28.130 --> 00:39:39.560 but none of it is who you are right yeah it's i just feel like maybe i've overvalued that 400 00:39:40.460 --> 00:39:44.480 and now i'm recognizing what that leads to 401 00:39:45.060 --> 00:39:51.340 mm-hmm yeah well because you felt like you you weren't enough as you were right you weren't good 402 00:39:51.340 --> 00:39:54.340 enough you're there's something wrong with you and you didn't belong the way you were so like 403 00:39:54.340 --> 00:39:58.280 of course you're gonna like you're gonna compensate for that by yeah yeah becoming 404 00:39:58.280 --> 00:40:03.360 somebody right like oh shit i'm a nobody if i become somebody then they'll respect me and i'll 405 00:40:03.380 --> 00:40:08.980 respect me they'll like me they'll all like i'll feel safe i'll be a feel like i belong i feel like 406 00:40:09.680 --> 00:40:18.080 i'm i'm not a fraud you know i'm not i'm not a bad person yeah yeah yeah 407 00:40:19.620 --> 00:40:24.120 but i'm just a multi-faceted human being like everybody else like i'm not special 408 00:40:24.940 --> 00:40:30.980 yeah no you are and you're not right you're absolutely unique and special and you're also 409 00:40:30.980 --> 00:40:33.360 just like there's so much joy and joy and joy and joy and joy and joy and joy and joy and joy 410 00:40:33.380 --> 00:40:41.340 and pleasure in just being a nobody yes there's not a shit like yeah not trying to be it's 411 00:40:41.340 --> 00:40:47.400 interesting because like when that kind of started to hit me not last year but the year 412 00:40:47.400 --> 00:40:55.780 before all of a sudden i had a like an inexplicable desire to take all of my degrees 413 00:40:55.780 --> 00:41:02.420 off the wall and now they live in a box in my basement yeah but for the longest time they were 414 00:41:04.260 --> 00:41:09.660 like lining my wall because i realized oh those are up there for me to prove to the world who i am 415 00:41:10.140 --> 00:41:14.880 and now i don't identify with that like that just doesn't align doesn't feel like an integrity 416 00:41:15.560 --> 00:41:19.880 to have to like not that to say that people who put their degrees on their wall there's 417 00:41:19.880 --> 00:41:23.420 something wrong with them like it's great if you want to celebrate that like look at all 418 00:41:23.420 --> 00:41:26.600 these wonderful things that i did and i want to celebrate this i want to show the world 419 00:41:26.600 --> 00:41:31.840 but i didn't like my reasons anymore yeah and so i took them all off and put them in the basement 420 00:41:31.840 --> 00:41:33.360 and that felt like freeing me and i was like oh my god i'm not a good person i'm not a good person 421 00:41:33.380 --> 00:41:38.460 freedom it felt really good to just like now now you are going into a closet 422 00:41:40.080 --> 00:41:44.300 it's beautiful yeah and maybe at some point you're like put them back but from a different energy 423 00:41:44.300 --> 00:41:49.200 where it's like this is not about me proving who i am but about making it easier for someone to 424 00:41:49.200 --> 00:41:53.020 trust me to do the real work that i'm here to do or whatever the game becomes at that point 425 00:41:53.020 --> 00:42:00.660 yeah it almost feels like my ego was born when i was eight out of just like protection and now 426 00:42:00.660 --> 00:42:03.360 i've learned to kind of start to it's like a dissolution of me and i'm like oh my god i'm not 427 00:42:03.380 --> 00:42:08.720 ego that that has felt so it's like all these opportunities to dissolve my ego 428 00:42:08.720 --> 00:42:12.580 have been so beautiful yeah but i guess that's being the nobody 429 00:42:14.780 --> 00:42:20.960 yeah it's like the the ego not having to you know puff itself up to be to be somebody right 430 00:42:21.700 --> 00:42:28.580 yeah yes so the way that i think of it so ego is great we can't function in the world without 431 00:42:28.580 --> 00:42:33.180 ego so it's not like we want ego to go away the what what the language i use is specifically 432 00:42:33.180 --> 00:42:38.500 mind bugs and the mind bug is something like i don't belong or there's something wrong with me 433 00:42:38.500 --> 00:42:45.180 like these are the core underlying mind bugs that everybody has a version of of these for some this 434 00:42:45.180 --> 00:42:50.220 is stronger for some this is stronger but these are the mind bugs and the way that i think of it 435 00:42:50.780 --> 00:42:58.080 i can't prove this but this is my my my view on life is that we come into this life already 436 00:42:58.080 --> 00:43:02.860 having decided i want to experience what it lives looks like to live with this mind bug 437 00:43:04.360 --> 00:43:10.380 but each mind bug creates a prison so i don't belong creates a prison that you live in that 438 00:43:10.380 --> 00:43:14.880 this is the world that you live in you don't belong and so what are you going to do you're 439 00:43:14.880 --> 00:43:19.180 going to try to get all the certificates but you know all the accolades all the degrees all that 440 00:43:19.180 --> 00:43:24.600 stuff to prove that you do belong but it's all coming from within the prison that you don't 441 00:43:24.600 --> 00:43:29.560 belong and so you're never going to escape that prison right yeah everything that you do is just 442 00:43:29.560 --> 00:43:32.500 reinforcing the fucking prison right because you're 443 00:43:33.180 --> 00:43:37.040 because that's the where you're coming from i'm doing this because i feel like i don't belong so 444 00:43:37.040 --> 00:43:42.880 now i do this and like it doesn't actually fix it so it just reinforces that i still don't belong 445 00:43:44.740 --> 00:43:48.960 it's not that this happens because my mom was this way my dad was this way or my 446 00:43:49.460 --> 00:43:55.120 grandparents was this way no my soul orchestrated these events so that it would have this experience 447 00:43:56.320 --> 00:44:02.960 and now the the journey of life is to use life including your business which is what i what i 448 00:44:02.960 --> 00:44:03.134 do is to use life including your business which is what i do and i'm doing this because i feel like 449 00:44:03.134 --> 00:44:03.160 i don't belong 450 00:44:03.180 --> 00:44:09.400 as a mirror to see oh where am i not free where am i still in a prison what's the prison let's 451 00:44:09.400 --> 00:44:14.420 dissolve it and so when you see it like you did here today it's never going to come back the same 452 00:44:14.420 --> 00:44:21.000 way never this is done you might still get caught up in it and in moments and might take you you 453 00:44:21.000 --> 00:44:24.980 know 30 seconds or 30 minutes or 30 days or whatever but it won't be the same and you will 454 00:44:24.980 --> 00:44:29.380 be able to come out wake up out of the trance again and be like oh shit it's just like that old 455 00:44:29.380 --> 00:44:32.980 i don't belong again because you had this moment 456 00:44:33.180 --> 00:44:42.880 today yeah yeah that's so cool it's so cool yeah it's incredibly cool yeah breaking people out of 457 00:44:42.880 --> 00:44:48.660 prison you know well it can like be with people people could sleepwalk with that their whole lives 458 00:44:48.660 --> 00:44:54.460 and die with it most people do yeah most people do which is wild 459 00:44:54.460 --> 00:45:01.180 which is why i won't do the work that i do which is why i'm on this fucking mission like let's yeah 460 00:45:01.180 --> 00:45:03.160 yeah yeah 461 00:45:03.160 --> 00:45:07.840 now i'm just thinking of all of like my colleagues who i see you can almost like start to notice and 462 00:45:07.840 --> 00:45:14.060 again like not judging them but you can start to see like some i mean you look at byron katie like 463 00:45:14.060 --> 00:45:18.660 she's fully enlightened she's an enlightened human being like eckhart tolle as well like 464 00:45:18.660 --> 00:45:22.220 these are two enlightened humans walking around on the earth but like i think a lot of us are just 465 00:45:23.000 --> 00:45:27.700 sleepwalking not everybody is that level of enlightenment yeah and i think byron would be 466 00:45:27.700 --> 00:45:32.280 the first katie would be the first to disagree with you oh it's so interesting yeah she's not 467 00:45:33.160 --> 00:45:37.980 like enlightened enlightenment again it's the identity piece back to being a surgeon and all 468 00:45:37.980 --> 00:45:43.200 that stuff it's not an identity it's not a it's not a permanent state it's a moment-to-moment thing 469 00:45:43.200 --> 00:45:51.460 yeah but that's how i perceive or part of me does exactly because that part of you that needs 470 00:45:51.460 --> 00:45:55.460 the identity piece is also going to place identity on other people you're going to project it 471 00:45:55.460 --> 00:46:03.140 to other people yeah yeah again so innocent it's not necessarily true we're helping people 472 00:46:03.160 --> 00:46:11.140 yeah and not not useful yeah yeah fascinating yeah yeah no it's like so interesting how we like 473 00:46:11.140 --> 00:46:18.780 build our lives around a lie and around yeah exactly this one story trying to disprove it 474 00:46:19.620 --> 00:46:25.680 only there by proving it more yes and then just building more evidence to prove it yeah yeah yeah 475 00:46:25.680 --> 00:46:32.740 fascinating yeah what was your story i wonder what i love about what i love about the frame is that 476 00:46:33.160 --> 00:46:39.620 it doesn't put blame on anybody else right we take 100 responsibility for this and then it becomes 477 00:46:40.060 --> 00:46:46.220 this the gift like i really think like at a soul level when we're just in the quantum soup as a 478 00:46:46.220 --> 00:46:54.140 soul as a pure consciousness awareness there's no there's no difference there's no duality 479 00:46:54.760 --> 00:47:00.000 there's only it's all oneness and so there's no fun there right if everything's one like 480 00:47:00.000 --> 00:47:02.980 where's the joy where's the fun like you go don't go to a movie 481 00:47:03.160 --> 00:47:07.200 because it's all sunshine and rainbows right yeah because there's obstacles there's challenges 482 00:47:07.200 --> 00:47:10.880 there's stuff so we create these challenges and obstacles for ourselves here to have that 483 00:47:10.880 --> 00:47:15.600 experience there's nothing wrong there's nothing bad there's nothing like it's just that that's 484 00:47:15.600 --> 00:47:21.440 how we chose it it's very powerful now we get to choose something different if we want to and so 485 00:47:21.440 --> 00:47:27.440 i just wanted to touch on the the when i said like this like you said like once the neural 486 00:47:27.440 --> 00:47:31.280 pathways are there for panic attacks they're always there yeah i want to challenge that yeah 487 00:47:31.280 --> 00:47:32.900 you can hold on to that belief of course 488 00:47:33.160 --> 00:47:37.960 sure but that's not gonna you know it might be true it might not be true but if you believe it 489 00:47:37.960 --> 00:47:44.480 to be true it will be true right versus i can choose different so the way i think about the 490 00:47:44.480 --> 00:47:50.060 the neural pathways is the more you use it the stronger it gets but also the less you use it the 491 00:47:50.060 --> 00:47:56.260 more the weaker it gets right neurons that fire together wire together and neurons that stop 492 00:47:56.260 --> 00:48:01.720 wiring together stop stop firing together stop wiring together so what what's beautiful about 493 00:48:01.720 --> 00:48:03.043 thinking about it this way is that you can choose different things and you can choose different 494 00:48:03.043 --> 00:48:03.140 things 495 00:48:03.160 --> 00:48:04.760 i takes it from all Mean when i say that what we're talking about is it's not worse we're not taking 496 00:48:05.450 --> 00:48:11.360 i don't belong and replacing it with i don't belong right because that gives the affirmation 497 00:48:11.360 --> 00:48:17.420 on top of it and like it's still talking against the energy instead i'm just dissolving it exposing 498 00:48:17.420 --> 00:48:24.980 it as a lie that it is and so next time it comes up you're like oh that's a lie and then what you 499 00:48:24.980 --> 00:48:29.540 get instead instead of trying to go from this neural pathway to this neural pathway you're 500 00:48:29.540 --> 00:48:31.660 going from this neural pathway to just all of it 501 00:48:33.160 --> 00:48:37.000 Yeah, because it's like the two opposite pathways are just two sides of the same coin. 502 00:48:37.160 --> 00:48:37.560 Exactly. 503 00:48:37.600 --> 00:48:38.900 It's almost like putting the coin down. 504 00:48:40.360 --> 00:48:41.380 Yes, right on. 505 00:48:42.600 --> 00:48:43.920 Which feels so much better. 506 00:48:44.940 --> 00:48:48.100 So the more you practice that, the more it just stops happening. 507 00:48:48.120 --> 00:48:49.380 And it can happen super fast. 508 00:48:50.040 --> 00:48:55.360 And so next time a panic attack happens, if it does, it might never happen again. 509 00:48:55.400 --> 00:48:55.780 I don't know. 510 00:48:55.980 --> 00:48:58.460 But if it does, remember eight-year-old Mel. 511 00:48:58.840 --> 00:48:59.240 Yeah. 512 00:48:59.280 --> 00:49:01.920 Just be with her for just a split second. 513 00:49:01.920 --> 00:49:06.620 And remember this whole story about like belonging, not belonging, whatever. 514 00:49:06.780 --> 00:49:07.720 It's complete bullshit. 515 00:49:07.940 --> 00:49:12.000 Remember, if it's like, I'm a fraud, I'm stupid, I've been wrong, whatever. 516 00:49:12.260 --> 00:49:15.720 I can find that also, which we didn't talk about. 517 00:49:15.780 --> 00:49:21.060 The flip side of that is, is it an absolute truth that you're a fraud? 518 00:49:21.260 --> 00:49:23.580 Is it an absolute truth that you're stupid? 519 00:49:24.800 --> 00:49:25.420 Is it? 520 00:49:25.840 --> 00:49:26.280 No. 521 00:49:26.480 --> 00:49:26.920 No. 522 00:49:27.940 --> 00:49:28.380 Categorically. 523 00:49:28.760 --> 00:49:29.360 Categorically, no. 524 00:49:29.740 --> 00:49:31.540 No, it's not a categorical truth. 525 00:49:31.540 --> 00:49:33.000 It's not a truth that you're stupid or that you're a fraud. 526 00:49:33.120 --> 00:49:33.340 No. 527 00:49:33.640 --> 00:49:35.580 So yes, we can find it. 528 00:49:35.620 --> 00:49:38.300 And no, it's not a categorical truth. 529 00:49:38.800 --> 00:49:40.140 And so just smile. 530 00:49:41.320 --> 00:49:41.760 Yeah. 531 00:49:45.360 --> 00:49:45.800 Yeah. 532 00:49:46.240 --> 00:49:51.720 And that's so interesting because it's like paradoxically, if you, I feel like if I do 533 00:49:51.720 --> 00:49:57.780 that work in the moment, I will invite a better outcome for everyone. 534 00:49:58.240 --> 00:49:58.680 Yeah. 535 00:50:01.680 --> 00:50:03.320 Which is the whole point anyway. 536 00:50:04.360 --> 00:50:04.680 Yeah. 537 00:50:04.860 --> 00:50:05.180 Yeah. 538 00:50:05.260 --> 00:50:05.580 Yeah. 539 00:50:05.580 --> 00:50:10.920 And you could even say in that moment, you can even be like, Hey, I'm just feeling eight 540 00:50:10.920 --> 00:50:11.780 year old male come up. 541 00:50:11.880 --> 00:50:13.220 I'm just going to be with her for a moment. 542 00:50:13.300 --> 00:50:13.860 We'll be right there. 543 00:50:14.100 --> 00:50:18.520 Like, I'm not saying you do that, but like, what a cool thing to model for everybody. 544 00:50:18.800 --> 00:50:20.180 Oh, I totally will do that. 545 00:50:20.520 --> 00:50:20.840 Yeah. 546 00:50:21.400 --> 00:50:23.460 I mean, I think I said something similar. 547 00:50:23.520 --> 00:50:26.080 I said, Oh, my human animal is just feeling unsafe right now. 548 00:50:26.100 --> 00:50:27.500 I just need to create some safety for her. 549 00:50:27.560 --> 00:50:31.280 I think that's the way I phrased it, but I could equally say my eight year old. 550 00:50:31.900 --> 00:50:32.220 Yeah. 551 00:50:32.300 --> 00:50:32.600 Yeah. 552 00:50:34.060 --> 00:50:34.460 Yeah. 553 00:50:36.080 --> 00:50:38.940 I can be the weirdo surgeon, but that's okay. 554 00:50:39.460 --> 00:50:40.060 Oh, fucking yeah. 555 00:50:40.800 --> 00:50:41.200 Yeah. 556 00:50:42.060 --> 00:50:42.460 Yes. 557 00:50:44.460 --> 00:50:47.080 So now let's talk about selling being icky. 558 00:50:48.400 --> 00:50:48.800 Yeah. 559 00:50:51.390 --> 00:50:52.410 That's another story. 560 00:50:53.290 --> 00:50:53.690 Yeah. 561 00:50:54.190 --> 00:50:54.830 Mm-hmm. 562 00:50:55.250 --> 00:50:55.650 Yeah. 563 00:50:57.840 --> 00:51:00.980 And can you see how this, how that connects to what, everything we spoke about? 564 00:51:01.160 --> 00:51:01.720 Mm-hmm. 565 00:51:04.780 --> 00:51:05.660 Tell me about that. 566 00:51:06.020 --> 00:51:09.300 So I don't feel like I need to convince myself that it's not icky. 567 00:51:11.500 --> 00:51:12.060 Mm-hmm. 568 00:51:13.180 --> 00:51:14.500 I just had to put that down. 569 00:51:15.360 --> 00:51:15.860 Mm-hmm. 570 00:51:18.160 --> 00:51:20.840 And just, I mean, I have this belief. 571 00:51:21.160 --> 00:51:24.840 I don't know where that was my original belief, but then I veered away from it and then I 572 00:51:24.840 --> 00:51:27.240 came back to it, but giving with reckless abandon. 573 00:51:28.480 --> 00:51:30.860 And I, that seems to be my strategy. 574 00:51:31.340 --> 00:51:31.840 Mm-hmm. 575 00:51:31.880 --> 00:51:36.280 And I, and I, I think that might be what I want to do, but that's what I, that's what 576 00:51:36.280 --> 00:51:37.220 I feel compelled to do. 577 00:51:37.260 --> 00:51:39.460 If I'm putting that down, I'm just giving with reckless abandon. 578 00:51:39.860 --> 00:51:41.900 Not that I'm a toxic martyr. 579 00:51:42.740 --> 00:51:43.060 Mm-hmm. 580 00:51:43.100 --> 00:51:47.920 But I know that whatever I need to sustain my business will come back to me on the back 581 00:51:47.920 --> 00:51:52.560 end, as long as I'm making service and giving, showing up to give, not to receive. 582 00:51:53.200 --> 00:51:53.740 Mm-hmm. 583 00:51:54.020 --> 00:51:55.360 That's what I feel like I want to do. 584 00:51:55.820 --> 00:51:56.180 Yeah. 585 00:51:56.440 --> 00:51:57.880 I, I love that. 586 00:51:57.940 --> 00:51:58.780 I love that for you. 587 00:51:59.060 --> 00:52:01.200 Um, I love, I love that in general. 588 00:52:01.320 --> 00:52:03.820 My, my phrase, I love the giving with reckless abandon. 589 00:52:03.940 --> 00:52:05.600 Actually, I really love that phrase. 590 00:52:06.040 --> 00:52:08.460 Uh, my phrase that I've been using is show up and serve. 591 00:52:08.840 --> 00:52:10.060 Just show up and fucking serve. 592 00:52:10.500 --> 00:52:10.860 Totally. 593 00:52:11.160 --> 00:52:11.980 That's exactly it. 594 00:52:11.980 --> 00:52:12.100 Yeah. 595 00:52:12.140 --> 00:52:12.640 Show up and serve. 596 00:52:12.680 --> 00:52:12.720 Yeah. 597 00:52:12.740 --> 00:52:13.580 Very simple. 598 00:52:14.420 --> 00:52:19.360 And there is still a way where it might not work out financially, which is if you have 599 00:52:19.360 --> 00:52:20.500 locks on it. 600 00:52:20.520 --> 00:52:20.940 Yes. 601 00:52:21.400 --> 00:52:21.760 All right. 602 00:52:21.780 --> 00:52:23.520 So we just want to clear those. 603 00:52:23.740 --> 00:52:31.660 And, and, but my, my feeling is that if you're like, there's still my, so like, so my thinking 604 00:52:31.660 --> 00:52:38.160 with how it connects is that if you're feeling, if there's a part of you that feels like you're 605 00:52:38.160 --> 00:52:42.520 a fraud, that you're wrong, maybe you're even dangerous was a word that you used, right? 606 00:52:43.220 --> 00:52:44.720 Then that you're not good. 607 00:52:44.820 --> 00:52:46.700 Like that might hinder a sale. 608 00:52:46.820 --> 00:52:47.420 Can you see that? 609 00:52:47.900 --> 00:52:48.340 Totally. 610 00:52:49.820 --> 00:52:51.740 Cause I don't believe in my product. 611 00:52:52.080 --> 00:52:52.520 Yeah. 612 00:52:52.760 --> 00:52:54.300 There's something blocking my belief. 613 00:52:54.540 --> 00:53:00.160 If you're dangerous, like actually like hiring you, buying from you might cause harm. 614 00:53:00.320 --> 00:53:05.960 And if you have integrity, which I can very much hear that you do, then yeah, you would be out of 615 00:53:05.960 --> 00:53:06.600 integrity. 616 00:53:06.680 --> 00:53:09.040 If you actually sold stuff from that belief. 617 00:53:09.160 --> 00:53:09.440 Right? 618 00:53:09.820 --> 00:53:10.260 Correct. 619 00:53:10.820 --> 00:53:11.260 Yeah. 620 00:53:11.260 --> 00:53:17.215 So I think I want to sabotage my business because I, part of me believes I'm, I could be dangerous, 621 00:53:17.215 --> 00:53:19.140 is afraid I could be dangerous. 622 00:53:19.460 --> 00:53:20.020 Yeah. 623 00:53:21.640 --> 00:53:22.200 Yeah. 624 00:53:22.580 --> 00:53:23.600 Are you dangerous? 625 00:53:24.240 --> 00:53:24.800 No. 626 00:53:27.360 --> 00:53:30.140 Do you have some, some dangerous ideas? 627 00:53:30.460 --> 00:53:32.260 Have you, I mean, do you? 628 00:53:34.800 --> 00:53:35.360 Maybe. 629 00:53:36.360 --> 00:53:41.040 I mean, could be dangerous to certain people or certain structures or institutions. 630 00:53:41.240 --> 00:53:41.760 I don't know. 631 00:53:43.100 --> 00:53:43.460 Yeah. 632 00:53:43.460 --> 00:53:45.400 I think I am dangerous to systems. 633 00:53:45.800 --> 00:53:49.500 I think I'm a disruptor, but I think I like that. 634 00:53:49.960 --> 00:53:50.320 Yeah. 635 00:53:50.820 --> 00:53:51.180 Yeah. 636 00:53:51.440 --> 00:53:51.800 Right. 637 00:53:51.920 --> 00:53:55.700 So again, we can be everything, you know, are you a murderer? 638 00:53:57.220 --> 00:53:59.920 Sometimes not, not usually, but sometimes. 639 00:54:00.000 --> 00:54:00.220 Yeah. 640 00:54:00.640 --> 00:54:02.860 I murdered a bunch of ants lately. 641 00:54:03.700 --> 00:54:07.960 Like I have, I don't know if I should feel bad about that, but I'm a fucking murderer. 642 00:54:09.100 --> 00:54:10.520 Like we can be everything. 643 00:54:11.100 --> 00:54:11.660 Mm-hmm. 644 00:54:11.920 --> 00:54:13.060 You can be with all of it. 645 00:54:13.460 --> 00:54:13.640 Yeah. 646 00:54:13.640 --> 00:54:14.480 It's like your and life. 647 00:54:15.200 --> 00:54:15.560 Yeah. 648 00:54:17.080 --> 00:54:19.000 We can be, it's, it's okay to be dangerous. 649 00:54:19.200 --> 00:54:20.020 It's okay to be stupid. 650 00:54:20.100 --> 00:54:22.180 It's okay to be a fraud in some cases. 651 00:54:23.880 --> 00:54:24.500 Oh my God. 652 00:54:24.520 --> 00:54:25.140 That feels so good. 653 00:54:25.660 --> 00:54:26.020 Yeah. 654 00:54:27.140 --> 00:54:27.500 Yeah. 655 00:54:27.560 --> 00:54:28.380 I am fucking dangerous. 656 00:54:28.480 --> 00:54:29.180 I'm dangerous. 657 00:54:29.280 --> 00:54:33.900 I'm dangerous to your ego that wants to hold onto an identity of like being a certain surgeon 658 00:54:33.900 --> 00:54:35.160 in the old, old way. 659 00:54:35.400 --> 00:54:35.940 Mm-hmm. 660 00:54:36.020 --> 00:54:37.340 But how's that working for you? 661 00:54:38.500 --> 00:54:38.860 Maybe. 662 00:54:38.960 --> 00:54:39.440 Not good. 663 00:54:39.440 --> 00:54:39.620 Not good. 664 00:54:40.080 --> 00:54:40.440 Yeah. 665 00:54:40.520 --> 00:54:40.760 Right. 666 00:54:41.960 --> 00:54:42.760 So it's like. 667 00:54:44.080 --> 00:54:50.860 Like you can just put words to all these things and be it and just own it. 668 00:54:52.460 --> 00:54:56.100 All the things you're scared of people knowing about you just to own them and share how you're 669 00:54:56.100 --> 00:54:57.280 dangerous, how you're a fraud. 670 00:54:57.400 --> 00:54:58.000 How are you stupid? 671 00:54:59.340 --> 00:54:59.700 Yeah. 672 00:54:59.700 --> 00:55:00.280 I'm fucking stupid. 673 00:55:00.440 --> 00:55:00.920 I stuck. 674 00:55:00.920 --> 00:55:06.900 I got, I stuck it out in that industry for so long without being honest about who I was. 675 00:55:07.700 --> 00:55:08.060 Yeah. 676 00:55:08.400 --> 00:55:09.000 That's stupid. 677 00:55:10.140 --> 00:55:10.720 I'm stupid. 678 00:55:11.240 --> 00:55:12.140 That was pretty stupid. 679 00:55:12.180 --> 00:55:12.840 And I was a fraud. 680 00:55:12.900 --> 00:55:13.840 I was showing up pretending. 681 00:55:14.840 --> 00:55:15.140 There we go. 682 00:55:15.760 --> 00:55:16.160 Yeah. 683 00:55:16.260 --> 00:55:21.220 I was an eight year old showing up in a 41 year old's body trying to operate, you know, 684 00:55:21.220 --> 00:55:22.340 and I was operating on people. 685 00:55:22.600 --> 00:55:23.200 Mm-hmm. 686 00:55:23.380 --> 00:55:23.780 Yeah. 687 00:55:23.860 --> 00:55:28.440 So now when you open your reel with like, I'm a surgeon and I, I've, I've just realized 688 00:55:28.440 --> 00:55:30.900 I'm a fucking fraud or I was a fraud for 10 years. 689 00:55:31.760 --> 00:55:32.440 So true. 690 00:55:33.260 --> 00:55:33.660 Yeah. 691 00:55:34.420 --> 00:55:34.820 Yeah. 692 00:55:35.560 --> 00:55:35.960 Yeah. 693 00:55:37.080 --> 00:55:37.480 Wow. 694 00:55:38.020 --> 00:55:38.420 Wow. 695 00:55:38.980 --> 00:55:44.300 Talk about how eight year old Mel shows up in your, when you're on the job, like that 696 00:55:44.300 --> 00:55:44.700 kind of shit. 697 00:55:44.840 --> 00:55:45.000 It's compelling. 698 00:55:45.720 --> 00:55:46.200 Yes. 699 00:55:47.360 --> 00:55:48.520 I've been hiding her. 700 00:55:48.880 --> 00:55:49.360 Yeah. 701 00:55:50.020 --> 00:55:52.280 Why have I been keeping that a secret story? 702 00:55:52.440 --> 00:55:53.220 That's so interesting. 703 00:55:53.760 --> 00:55:57.660 Well, why would you, why did you have to shame? 704 00:55:58.440 --> 00:56:00.740 Cause you thought that hiding was the best strategy. 705 00:56:00.980 --> 00:56:01.460 Yeah. 706 00:56:01.680 --> 00:56:02.160 Right. 707 00:56:02.700 --> 00:56:03.400 Mm-hmm. 708 00:56:03.700 --> 00:56:04.180 Yeah. 709 00:56:05.800 --> 00:56:07.040 And you kept that going. 710 00:56:07.360 --> 00:56:14.080 And again, no fault of yours, but now it's time for her to be fucking fully visible to 711 00:56:14.080 --> 00:56:14.340 you. 712 00:56:14.840 --> 00:56:19.900 And to the extent that you want, and it feels good to your audience if you want it, but 713 00:56:19.900 --> 00:56:22.000 make sure that she feels good and safe about it. 714 00:56:24.080 --> 00:56:26.560 Taken care of, cared for, loved. 715 00:56:27.300 --> 00:56:27.660 Yeah. 716 00:56:27.980 --> 00:56:28.340 Yeah. 717 00:56:30.040 --> 00:56:30.400 Yeah. 718 00:56:31.520 --> 00:56:33.620 It's almost like I was going to war with my eight year old. 719 00:56:34.040 --> 00:56:34.400 Yeah. 720 00:56:35.260 --> 00:56:38.180 While I'm trying to build a business and like be a doctor. 721 00:56:38.640 --> 00:56:39.000 Yeah. 722 00:56:40.140 --> 00:56:40.500 Yeah. 723 00:56:41.000 --> 00:56:42.120 That doesn't work so well. 724 00:56:42.660 --> 00:56:43.020 No. 725 00:56:43.160 --> 00:56:44.200 And this is what we all do. 726 00:56:44.980 --> 00:56:45.340 Hmm. 727 00:56:45.940 --> 00:56:46.300 Yeah. 728 00:56:46.320 --> 00:56:49.120 We, we, we've, we disown a part of ourselves. 729 00:56:49.220 --> 00:56:51.540 We decide like, this is not good who I am. 730 00:56:51.640 --> 00:56:52.940 This part of me is not wanted. 731 00:56:53.040 --> 00:56:55.920 So then we internalize that, that judgment. 732 00:56:56.400 --> 00:56:56.800 Yeah. 733 00:56:57.680 --> 00:56:59.880 We internalize the war until we stop. 734 00:57:01.440 --> 00:57:01.840 Yeah. 735 00:57:01.920 --> 00:57:06.780 It's like, it's like not exiling apart and actually going the opposite direction and 736 00:57:06.780 --> 00:57:10.380 saying like, here I am, here's like something I thought was ugly. 737 00:57:11.000 --> 00:57:11.560 Mm-hmm. 738 00:57:14.220 --> 00:57:14.620 Yeah. 739 00:57:18.340 --> 00:57:18.740 Fascinating. 740 00:57:23.000 --> 00:57:23.800 So what. 741 00:57:26.040 --> 00:57:31.620 What do you know to be true now that you didn't when we started and how is this 742 00:57:31.620 --> 00:57:32.420 going to change your business? 743 00:57:34.540 --> 00:57:43.520 I know that I was trying to solve a selling problem with an old story that 744 00:57:43.520 --> 00:57:48.180 was like deeply rooted in ego and an exiled part. 745 00:57:48.940 --> 00:57:50.900 And that would, would have never worked. 746 00:57:52.120 --> 00:57:54.440 And I think I have to solve it with a different brain. 747 00:57:54.800 --> 00:57:55.520 Mm-hmm. 748 00:57:58.080 --> 00:57:59.600 And it's not about like. 749 00:57:59.600 --> 00:58:01.020 Like maybe it's not even about solving it. 750 00:58:01.060 --> 00:58:10.150 It's just about doing my work and giving and, um, and just serving and like showing 751 00:58:10.150 --> 00:58:10.710 up to serve. 752 00:58:11.230 --> 00:58:11.810 Mm-hmm. 753 00:58:12.770 --> 00:58:13.130 Yeah. 754 00:58:13.870 --> 00:58:15.490 I like to say it's not solving it. 755 00:58:15.550 --> 00:58:16.710 It's dissolving it. 756 00:58:17.130 --> 00:58:17.490 Yes. 757 00:58:17.870 --> 00:58:18.410 That's right. 758 00:58:18.870 --> 00:58:19.230 Yeah. 759 00:58:19.290 --> 00:58:20.830 It's realizing there's nothing to solve. 760 00:58:20.970 --> 00:58:21.830 There's nothing to solve. 761 00:58:22.030 --> 00:58:22.330 It's just a lie. 762 00:58:24.930 --> 00:58:25.890 I've been trying to solve. 763 00:58:26.050 --> 00:58:27.050 So maybe I need to dissolve. 764 00:58:27.610 --> 00:58:28.130 Mm-hmm. 765 00:58:29.370 --> 00:58:29.730 Yeah. 766 00:58:32.370 --> 00:58:32.730 Yeah. 767 00:58:33.650 --> 00:58:35.770 And how is this going to impact your business going forward? 768 00:58:36.990 --> 00:58:41.330 Um, I think I'm going to energetically invite a lot of people into my world. 769 00:58:41.770 --> 00:58:42.410 Mm-hmm. 770 00:58:43.530 --> 00:58:44.590 Is it going to feel lighter? 771 00:58:45.250 --> 00:58:45.690 Yeah. 772 00:58:46.810 --> 00:58:47.450 And easier. 773 00:58:47.990 --> 00:58:48.430 Yeah. 774 00:58:50.430 --> 00:58:50.870 Yeah. 775 00:58:51.290 --> 00:58:51.730 Simpler. 776 00:58:52.350 --> 00:58:53.030 Mm-hmm. 777 00:58:53.630 --> 00:58:54.070 Yeah. 778 00:58:55.370 --> 00:58:56.010 That's amazing. 779 00:58:56.230 --> 00:58:57.050 You're so beautiful. 780 00:58:57.450 --> 00:58:58.290 You're so incredible. 781 00:58:58.410 --> 00:58:59.690 I love the work that you do in the world. 782 00:58:59.910 --> 00:59:00.590 Thank you. 783 00:59:00.990 --> 00:59:01.430 Yeah. 784 00:59:01.490 --> 00:59:02.030 Thank you for this. 785 00:59:02.110 --> 00:59:02.670 This was awesome. 786 00:59:03.650 --> 00:59:04.390 It's very. 787 00:59:04.650 --> 00:59:06.070 You're doing really important work. 788 00:59:06.090 --> 00:59:07.410 Very, very good work. 789 00:59:07.550 --> 00:59:12.530 Very, very valuable work. 790 00:59:12.950 --> 00:59:13.350 Yeah. 791 00:59:14.030 --> 00:59:15.790 No, I truly believe that I am. 792 00:59:16.350 --> 00:59:16.970 Mm-hmm. 793 00:59:16.970 --> 00:59:17.310 Yeah. 794 00:59:17.430 --> 00:59:20.510 And you're so fast at getting things that I can totally tell that you've done. 795 00:59:20.910 --> 00:59:21.490 You've done. 796 00:59:21.770 --> 00:59:23.230 You've already done a lot of work. 797 00:59:23.250 --> 00:59:24.770 And so you're, you're getting it really quick. 798 00:59:25.670 --> 00:59:26.070 Yeah. 799 00:59:26.090 --> 00:59:29.930 No, I have, but I haven't done it from this angle and I've been carrying this around. 800 00:59:31.190 --> 00:59:33.190 So this feels like really freeing. 801 00:59:33.630 --> 00:59:34.030 Yeah. 802 00:59:35.170 --> 00:59:35.570 Amazing. 803 00:59:37.150 --> 00:59:38.430 Well, thank you so much. 804 00:59:38.430 --> 00:59:39.170 No, thank you. 805 00:59:39.590 --> 00:59:41.170 Being, being here today. 806 00:59:41.330 --> 00:59:41.690 Amazing.