WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:04.740 What's holding that? Would it be good enough? Does this link in any way to is Steve good enough? 2 00:00:05.200 --> 00:00:07.620 Oh, certainly. It's been a dreaded reality 3 00:00:08.000 --> 00:00:10.580 much of my life. In any given moment, 4 00:00:10.960 --> 00:00:13.059 could you be any different than you are? 5 00:00:13.679 --> 00:00:14.179 No. 6 00:00:14.684 --> 00:00:19.564 Not good enough is completely fucking meaningless. If the story is I'm not enough Yeah. 7 00:00:19.724 --> 00:00:25.645 You can either go to the opposite, which is I am enough, or you can just say that not enough is a lie. 8 00:00:25.645 --> 00:00:31.960 So that's why I say you're not not enough. Yeah. That's good. Welcome everybody to another episode 9 00:00:32.340 --> 00:00:35.720 of Recode Your Mind with Calvin Corelli, and I am here today 10 00:00:36.100 --> 00:00:40.340 with Steve Ullberg. So, Steve, you've been in Recode for a bit and, 11 00:00:41.245 --> 00:00:46.145 back when it was called Academy, and then it I forget when how how long you were there exactly, 12 00:00:47.085 --> 00:00:48.465 when that transition was? 13 00:00:48.925 --> 00:00:53.405 Well, I've been with Simplero since way before that. And Yeah. 14 00:00:53.485 --> 00:00:57.250 As things kept coming up, there was the purple and there was the, 15 00:00:57.790 --> 00:00:59.010 there were several different, 16 00:00:59.870 --> 00:01:01.170 explorations, iterations 17 00:01:01.550 --> 00:01:02.770 that kept getting 18 00:01:03.150 --> 00:01:04.930 more focused, more detailed, 19 00:01:05.230 --> 00:01:05.970 and more, 20 00:01:06.990 --> 00:01:08.370 more valuable. So 21 00:01:09.185 --> 00:01:10.784 that was that was very helpful. 22 00:01:10.784 --> 00:01:16.085 We were going through some some significant changes in my Delsmar Crossing business, 23 00:01:16.704 --> 00:01:18.805 and Simplero was an important, 24 00:01:19.424 --> 00:01:19.924 accompaniment, 25 00:01:20.225 --> 00:01:22.405 instigator tool, all those things. 26 00:01:23.090 --> 00:01:23.590 And 27 00:01:24.450 --> 00:01:28.950 being able to have access to more of that was was very helpful. 28 00:01:29.650 --> 00:01:30.150 Amazing. 29 00:01:30.770 --> 00:01:31.270 So 30 00:01:32.610 --> 00:01:37.430 tell me, how can I serve you today? What do you what's what's the challenge? What's the desire 31 00:01:38.155 --> 00:01:39.534 that you wanna work through today? 32 00:01:41.674 --> 00:01:49.295 Well, one on one side of things is a is a succession plan so that what we do with equipping people 33 00:01:49.674 --> 00:01:51.615 can outlive the founders. 34 00:01:52.475 --> 00:01:53.454 Mhmm. And, 35 00:01:54.500 --> 00:01:59.599 my the cofounder with me is ten years older than me and is is, 36 00:02:00.180 --> 00:02:02.759 doing a lot of care for her husband who has 37 00:02:03.060 --> 00:02:03.560 illnesses. 38 00:02:03.939 --> 00:02:06.119 And so it's very much a silent 39 00:02:06.500 --> 00:02:07.000 partner 40 00:02:07.645 --> 00:02:08.625 in the background. 41 00:02:09.324 --> 00:02:09.824 And, 42 00:02:12.925 --> 00:02:15.345 during the pandemic is when we were 43 00:02:15.725 --> 00:02:17.265 starting to make a shift 44 00:02:17.645 --> 00:02:18.145 from 45 00:02:18.525 --> 00:02:21.425 all the electronic hard coding stuff to 46 00:02:21.885 --> 00:02:25.550 the more and spread all over and moved into one 47 00:02:26.010 --> 00:02:27.550 one house and, 48 00:02:28.810 --> 00:02:32.110 making use of the tools. Emily Ann was very helpful with 49 00:02:32.410 --> 00:02:33.690 showing me those and, 50 00:02:34.810 --> 00:02:35.310 equipping 51 00:02:35.770 --> 00:02:40.004 and and getting explaining things that didn't make sense to my brain. 52 00:02:42.065 --> 00:02:42.565 And 53 00:02:43.504 --> 00:02:44.004 so 54 00:02:44.305 --> 00:02:51.924 when when that happened, it was at the time when the other my Linda, my cofounder was was backing 55 00:02:52.305 --> 00:02:52.805 away, 56 00:02:53.420 --> 00:02:58.000 not out of it, but not taking such an active role. And I was stepping forward, taking 57 00:02:58.300 --> 00:03:01.440 more of an active role in not just creating the content, 58 00:03:01.740 --> 00:03:04.000 but facilitating the content. And, 59 00:03:05.575 --> 00:03:09.435 tying all the doing the electrical work in the background, you know. 60 00:03:09.974 --> 00:03:10.474 And, 61 00:03:13.174 --> 00:03:16.314 so now I got into the story and I can't I can't remember 62 00:03:17.655 --> 00:03:22.610 your question. What I'm told Your question is what What I wanna work on. On. Yeah. Exactly. 63 00:03:22.909 --> 00:03:24.049 So then in the process, 64 00:03:24.670 --> 00:03:28.049 one of my colleagues that I've been, a mentor for, 65 00:03:28.750 --> 00:03:30.849 this is also in her wheelhouse. 66 00:03:31.470 --> 00:03:31.970 She's, 67 00:03:33.870 --> 00:03:39.474 25 years younger. And Mhmm. This is the kind of thing that fits with her life goals. 68 00:03:39.935 --> 00:03:44.595 So I've been bringing her on board. And Recode was particularly helpful, 69 00:03:45.935 --> 00:03:48.995 because she got to be a part of it. And she got to see 70 00:03:49.430 --> 00:03:51.130 what we're doing. And we now 71 00:03:51.510 --> 00:03:54.170 we get together weekly to process, 72 00:03:54.710 --> 00:03:56.790 okay, what's the next thing and what are we doing? 73 00:03:56.790 --> 00:04:01.290 And that's resulting in some new membership levels, which focus in different ways. 74 00:04:01.605 --> 00:04:02.585 And we're launching, 75 00:04:03.925 --> 00:04:05.225 a folk music educator 76 00:04:05.525 --> 00:04:06.025 membership, 77 00:04:06.645 --> 00:04:07.465 which has 78 00:04:07.925 --> 00:04:10.985 all kinds of resources for educators who are, 79 00:04:12.085 --> 00:04:15.625 there you go to a club and somebody says, can you help me play my dulcimer? 80 00:04:16.290 --> 00:04:18.709 I don't know. I I'm not I'm not equipped, 81 00:04:19.089 --> 00:04:21.669 but we wanna equip people so they can help. 82 00:04:21.970 --> 00:04:25.990 You know? Mhmm. We there's there's a turns out a whole bunch of schools 83 00:04:26.450 --> 00:04:28.550 where the music teacher is using gulsimers, 84 00:04:28.985 --> 00:04:33.465 but they don't exactly know how to use it. They know music. They know music education. 85 00:04:33.465 --> 00:04:34.765 They don't know how to use dulcimers. 86 00:04:35.385 --> 00:04:43.920 They're they're So so let's take a moment and just bring people up to speed on what you're doing because I I just kinda jumped in because I know that, but let's let let everybody know what you're doing. 87 00:04:44.080 --> 00:04:45.780 A dulcimer is a musical instrument. 88 00:04:46.080 --> 00:04:48.020 Yeah. There and there's two kinds. 89 00:04:48.160 --> 00:04:53.600 So there's the mountain dulcimer, which sits on your lap, or some people play tipped over in front of them. 90 00:04:53.600 --> 00:04:55.540 And the hammered dulcimer and that's strummed. 91 00:04:56.014 --> 00:05:00.115 The hammer dulcimer is like the inside of a piano and you play with sticks 92 00:05:00.495 --> 00:05:01.235 on strings. 93 00:05:01.775 --> 00:05:02.275 And 94 00:05:02.575 --> 00:05:03.935 they're traditional instruments. 95 00:05:03.935 --> 00:05:07.950 They have they have no family history to each other to share the name. 96 00:05:08.030 --> 00:05:11.090 They just happen to have the same name. There's who knows? 97 00:05:11.390 --> 00:05:14.290 There's all kinds of apocryphal stories of how that happened. 98 00:05:15.070 --> 00:05:19.570 But it turns out to be very ex they both turn out to be very accessible. 99 00:05:20.110 --> 00:05:22.770 And a lot of people who pick them up are people 100 00:05:23.104 --> 00:05:26.165 who have been trying to do music all their life, and now they're retired. 101 00:05:26.544 --> 00:05:29.365 And they wanna they wanna make music by them. 102 00:05:29.824 --> 00:05:32.645 And some people are people who have been lifelong musicians 103 00:05:33.104 --> 00:05:35.685 in all kinds of ways. But now with aging, 104 00:05:36.190 --> 00:05:42.770 maybe their hands can't do the grip of a guitar or a mandolin or something like that that they were doing before. 105 00:05:43.310 --> 00:05:49.169 They try this and somebody just over the weekend, I was in New Mexico for a day long festival. 106 00:05:49.474 --> 00:05:54.854 And this guy said, I've done all of these other instruments, and I the arthritis was keeping me. 107 00:05:54.914 --> 00:05:59.414 And turning my hand over and letting gravity do the work, instead of clenching, 108 00:05:59.955 --> 00:06:03.639 I can play the music again. And so it ends up 109 00:06:04.020 --> 00:06:04.520 furthering 110 00:06:04.820 --> 00:06:08.680 what people had before, or becoming this exciting creative, 111 00:06:10.260 --> 00:06:11.560 way to reorient 112 00:06:11.940 --> 00:06:14.120 my life for a lot of people. 113 00:06:14.625 --> 00:06:17.925 And so that's what we're here for, is to equip people. 114 00:06:18.224 --> 00:06:24.164 There are parts of the of the world where there are groups of people that get together and that's how people learn. 115 00:06:24.465 --> 00:06:28.085 But the vast majority of us, like both us co founders, 116 00:06:28.440 --> 00:06:34.120 were people that had no one to show us what to do. And it took us way too long to to figure it out. 117 00:06:34.120 --> 00:06:41.145 So we wanna make everybody's learning path be more efficient and and and quicker so they can get up to all the good stuff sooner. 118 00:06:41.705 --> 00:06:43.645 Great. Yeah. That's amazing. 119 00:06:44.745 --> 00:06:46.425 That's that's the game. Right? 120 00:06:46.425 --> 00:06:51.965 Like, we we we go through all the trials and tribulations, and then we try to shortcut it for the next people. 121 00:06:53.224 --> 00:06:56.909 Yeah. So what's the so you said the challenge being ascension 122 00:06:58.090 --> 00:07:00.509 succession plan, like Yeah. Who takes this over. 123 00:07:01.530 --> 00:07:05.229 And we we all agree that that's this is the right plan, 124 00:07:05.530 --> 00:07:06.030 and 125 00:07:06.569 --> 00:07:08.110 it's a long term apprenticeship. 126 00:07:08.815 --> 00:07:10.835 So Mhmm. But then also, 127 00:07:12.014 --> 00:07:14.435 what's fun for me is that it 128 00:07:14.895 --> 00:07:16.595 it spreads the work 129 00:07:17.135 --> 00:07:18.755 and the creativity because 130 00:07:19.215 --> 00:07:22.500 somebody sitting alone thinking stuff is one thing. 131 00:07:22.500 --> 00:07:30.440 Somebody interacting with someone who's also thinking stuff, you know, all kinds of, you know, sparks of creativity and things. 132 00:07:30.900 --> 00:07:31.400 Yeah. 133 00:07:32.340 --> 00:07:33.000 In fact, 134 00:07:33.845 --> 00:07:35.205 I want to tell you about this. 135 00:07:35.205 --> 00:07:41.465 One of the things that my Erin May, who is the partner who is in that with me, she 136 00:07:41.845 --> 00:07:46.985 started a thing called creativity with dulcimers, which is more like a mindset group. 137 00:07:47.750 --> 00:07:50.729 And so we created a Simplero site to do that. 138 00:07:51.110 --> 00:07:51.610 And 139 00:07:52.310 --> 00:07:55.449 a big piece of it is a monthly or a weekly gathering 140 00:07:56.070 --> 00:08:01.130 like this, where people are sharing. Air maze on the road. So I got to host it this morning. 141 00:08:01.345 --> 00:08:06.245 And it was as I was doing this, I thought, well that's what that's this is the 142 00:08:07.105 --> 00:08:08.245 the magic way 143 00:08:08.785 --> 00:08:10.965 that people are all sharing, interacting, 144 00:08:11.985 --> 00:08:12.485 supporting, 145 00:08:13.264 --> 00:08:14.485 sharing their experience. 146 00:08:14.880 --> 00:08:20.100 And they're making use of the other tools like the community and the forum posts and 147 00:08:20.400 --> 00:08:22.100 all that stuff. They're doing 148 00:08:22.480 --> 00:08:23.540 all of the things, 149 00:08:24.240 --> 00:08:24.740 which 150 00:08:25.360 --> 00:08:28.420 a lot of people who do things on their own don't do. 151 00:08:28.885 --> 00:08:31.305 I don't need that. I don't need to, you know, talk. 152 00:08:31.365 --> 00:08:34.424 I'm just gonna plug it and say, okay, rugged individualism. 153 00:08:35.285 --> 00:08:37.465 There you go. It's rugged and you're individual. 154 00:08:37.924 --> 00:08:42.905 And we have a way to do that. But we also have these interactive community ways, 155 00:08:43.360 --> 00:08:43.860 which 156 00:08:44.400 --> 00:08:44.900 is 157 00:08:45.440 --> 00:08:48.180 another avenue. It's another tool, 158 00:08:48.480 --> 00:08:52.660 and it fits maybe at a different point in somebody's learning journey. 159 00:08:53.440 --> 00:08:54.660 Mhmm. Because sometimes 160 00:08:55.120 --> 00:08:56.805 you gotta go off and do the thing. 161 00:08:57.125 --> 00:09:00.985 And but, like somebody was saying, I need somebody to be accountable to. 162 00:09:01.045 --> 00:09:07.145 And I said, do you think there's anybody here in this room right now that you could be she goes, oh, that's a great idea. 163 00:09:07.845 --> 00:09:12.870 I said, how about if you choose somebody and talk with and somebody else said, hey. 164 00:09:12.870 --> 00:09:16.650 What if we do this as a, you know, mutual thing? And it's like, 165 00:09:17.270 --> 00:09:20.970 you guys know how to do all this stuff, so go have it. Exactly. 166 00:09:21.510 --> 00:09:23.290 That's amazing. Yeah. That's 167 00:09:24.070 --> 00:09:28.824 super sweet. So is is Erin is is she the one that's gonna take it over? I missed that part. Alright. 168 00:09:28.824 --> 00:09:29.524 Yeah. That's 169 00:09:30.385 --> 00:09:31.605 that's the that's our, 170 00:09:33.665 --> 00:09:39.125 but she she's a full colleague. But in terms of this part of things, an apprentice 171 00:09:39.745 --> 00:09:42.360 that is very, very well equipped 172 00:09:42.839 --> 00:09:44.300 and very eager and, 173 00:09:46.440 --> 00:09:47.500 bright with creativity. 174 00:09:48.440 --> 00:09:49.079 Mhmm. So 175 00:09:49.959 --> 00:09:50.459 Yeah. 176 00:09:50.760 --> 00:09:51.980 So what's the challenge? 177 00:09:52.519 --> 00:09:53.339 The challenge? 178 00:09:53.720 --> 00:09:55.095 Oh, that's a good point. 179 00:09:56.214 --> 00:09:56.714 Timing. 180 00:09:57.495 --> 00:10:03.834 I I am still I've retired from other work that I was doing, which makes me have more time to focus on this. 181 00:10:04.454 --> 00:10:04.954 And 182 00:10:06.535 --> 00:10:13.720 I guess one internal challenge is how much of my day do I want to be focused on this and how much 183 00:10:14.100 --> 00:10:15.400 for other creative 184 00:10:16.180 --> 00:10:16.680 activities. 185 00:10:17.540 --> 00:10:18.020 Mhmm. 186 00:10:19.140 --> 00:10:23.235 When I was teaching music together for preschool kids, I loved it. 187 00:10:23.714 --> 00:10:29.735 And I realized after not doing it, that it's really helpful for me and the music that's in me 188 00:10:30.115 --> 00:10:32.615 not to have to have another semester 189 00:10:33.154 --> 00:10:35.575 of the music that's for that. 190 00:10:35.949 --> 00:10:36.549 Because Mhmm. 191 00:10:36.829 --> 00:10:45.810 Even though I know all those songs and I'm just I'm immersed in them for that time, then I have a couple of weeks and then I get immersed in the next one, couple of weeks. 192 00:10:45.870 --> 00:10:49.089 And it would be a thing that would kind of always keep 193 00:10:49.470 --> 00:10:51.575 the music that I am 194 00:10:52.035 --> 00:10:52.935 wanna complete. 195 00:10:55.795 --> 00:10:56.695 I don't want, 196 00:10:57.075 --> 00:10:58.055 Delsmar Crossing 197 00:10:58.515 --> 00:11:01.095 to be the thing that keeps me from doing that. 198 00:11:01.555 --> 00:11:04.055 Mhmm. I wanna make sure it keeps on going. 199 00:11:04.380 --> 00:11:07.760 So it's some of it's where are the lanes on the road? 200 00:11:08.620 --> 00:11:11.360 You know, it's not So tell me about the music that you wanna complete. 201 00:11:12.380 --> 00:11:13.580 Well, I have 202 00:11:14.460 --> 00:11:16.320 I was commissioned to do a symphony 203 00:11:16.780 --> 00:11:17.440 that does 204 00:11:17.855 --> 00:11:19.235 that focuses on, 205 00:11:20.095 --> 00:11:20.595 Australian 206 00:11:21.214 --> 00:11:22.435 indigenous stories 207 00:11:23.295 --> 00:11:24.014 and has, 208 00:11:26.815 --> 00:11:29.875 didgeridoo as a focus focus focal instrument. 209 00:11:31.935 --> 00:11:32.435 And 210 00:11:32.940 --> 00:11:37.280 that's one of those that keeps sitting there, and I've been working on that for twenty six years. 211 00:11:38.060 --> 00:11:40.400 And Twenty six years. Yeah. 212 00:11:40.940 --> 00:11:41.440 Okay. 213 00:11:41.900 --> 00:11:44.880 And some of it was capacity. I mean, just 214 00:11:45.260 --> 00:11:47.760 it, the germ the idea is there. 215 00:11:48.075 --> 00:11:53.055 I do the things. I get partway. And now, I every now and then, I keep pulling it out. 216 00:11:53.355 --> 00:11:55.055 There's from the commissioner's 217 00:11:55.355 --> 00:11:57.775 end, there there isn't a near deadline. 218 00:11:58.155 --> 00:11:59.215 That might help. 219 00:12:03.115 --> 00:12:06.710 But as we're getting now I'm back in the neighborhood of where he lives. 220 00:12:06.710 --> 00:12:09.610 He's from Wyoming and now our neighbor next door neighbors, 221 00:12:10.950 --> 00:12:16.090 which is a West thing to say in the West. He's a state away, but that's our neighbor, you know. 222 00:12:17.270 --> 00:12:18.170 I love it. 223 00:12:18.550 --> 00:12:23.584 But he's he's typically spends the summer season in back in Australia. So, 224 00:12:25.084 --> 00:12:27.665 I'll see him maybe in October 225 00:12:28.125 --> 00:12:33.980 because I've got a whole bunch of touring that I'm doing right now. And so there's So what's Yeah. 226 00:12:34.140 --> 00:12:39.440 What's if you were to finish this symphony, then what? Like, what's the what's holding that? 227 00:12:46.165 --> 00:12:47.305 That's a good question. 228 00:12:58.404 --> 00:12:59.625 Would it be good enough? 229 00:13:01.570 --> 00:13:02.390 Yeah. Right. 230 00:13:04.290 --> 00:13:07.490 There's a couple other projects that are just exactly like that. 231 00:13:07.490 --> 00:13:13.649 It's like, I know I know I can do something for this, but is it gonna be good? Is it gonna be right? 232 00:13:13.649 --> 00:13:17.725 And it's the thing I tell everybody else when I'm working with them, you know, 233 00:13:18.105 --> 00:13:22.745 with soap. You know? Just because it isn't good enough now, does does that mean you're done? 234 00:13:22.745 --> 00:13:26.765 Can you can you work on some more? I know there's tons of drafts. 235 00:13:27.625 --> 00:13:31.440 Once I get for me, the hump is getting over. There's gotta 236 00:13:31.820 --> 00:13:33.600 be at least six shitty drafts. 237 00:13:34.540 --> 00:13:38.560 Mhmm. And getting the first one done is the bigger biggest issue. Mhmm. 238 00:13:39.019 --> 00:13:43.680 Mhmm. And then because once I start writing draft on whatever I'm working on, 239 00:13:44.365 --> 00:13:45.185 I'm free. 240 00:13:45.645 --> 00:13:46.145 Mhmm. 241 00:13:47.245 --> 00:13:50.385 It's it's when it's the final copy that I have a problem. 242 00:13:51.245 --> 00:13:52.625 So is it good enough? 243 00:13:55.165 --> 00:13:56.625 Yeah. Do I understand 244 00:13:57.160 --> 00:13:59.660 what is good enough is one piece of that. 245 00:14:00.120 --> 00:14:00.620 Yeah. 246 00:14:03.320 --> 00:14:06.220 So I need to have a conversation with with Paul. 247 00:14:06.920 --> 00:14:07.640 So that's 248 00:14:09.320 --> 00:14:13.574 I think that'll be the way to move that forward, and I haven't thought about doing that. So 249 00:14:14.834 --> 00:14:17.815 Does this link in any way to is Steve good enough? 250 00:14:18.274 --> 00:14:19.574 Oh, certainly. Most 251 00:14:20.035 --> 00:14:20.774 most certainly. 252 00:14:21.394 --> 00:14:21.894 Yeah. 253 00:14:22.274 --> 00:14:23.495 Yeah. Yeah. 254 00:14:24.355 --> 00:14:29.580 When did you learn that it wasn't that it was a possibility that you could could be not good enough? 255 00:14:32.600 --> 00:14:36.700 Oh, it was, it's been a dreaded reality much of my life. 256 00:14:37.320 --> 00:14:37.820 Mhmm. 257 00:14:39.800 --> 00:14:41.660 The from a very shame based system 258 00:14:42.680 --> 00:14:43.180 and 259 00:14:47.455 --> 00:14:49.335 big desire not to 260 00:14:49.775 --> 00:14:53.075 well there's there's father issues about not wanting 261 00:14:53.775 --> 00:14:54.275 to, 262 00:14:56.510 --> 00:14:58.930 Oedipal things. Not wanting to defeat father. 263 00:14:59.230 --> 00:15:03.170 There's I don't and I and also knowing that 264 00:15:04.830 --> 00:15:06.770 a way there's a hiding piece. 265 00:15:08.925 --> 00:15:09.745 If you 266 00:15:10.845 --> 00:15:11.345 don't 267 00:15:12.045 --> 00:15:12.865 just observe, 268 00:15:13.885 --> 00:15:16.705 keep track of everything, you know what's going on. 269 00:15:17.085 --> 00:15:21.345 And other people, if you if you hold your cards close and don't say much, 270 00:15:22.040 --> 00:15:24.300 they will mistake that for, 271 00:15:26.519 --> 00:15:29.899 often mistake it, adults will, for you not 272 00:15:30.360 --> 00:15:34.779 not being So I'm stronger if they don't know how smart I am. 273 00:15:39.225 --> 00:15:39.885 And and, 274 00:15:40.425 --> 00:15:43.165 then I can I can pull out a card and 275 00:15:43.625 --> 00:15:45.725 take that trick or something like that? 276 00:15:46.265 --> 00:15:46.505 There's 277 00:15:49.080 --> 00:15:54.060 and being able to be I mean, I went through a whole ton of therapy to be able to, 278 00:15:55.320 --> 00:15:56.060 stand up 279 00:15:56.760 --> 00:15:57.260 unwounded, 280 00:15:58.120 --> 00:16:00.620 instead of constantly wounding myself, 281 00:16:01.240 --> 00:16:04.175 so that I could be part of the crowd or, 282 00:16:05.035 --> 00:16:05.775 I wouldn't 283 00:16:06.715 --> 00:16:08.575 be presenting myself as wounded, 284 00:16:09.675 --> 00:16:11.215 and doing self wounding 285 00:16:13.035 --> 00:16:13.775 so that 286 00:16:14.970 --> 00:16:18.430 if I'm wounded, maybe you won't pick on me or something like that. 287 00:16:19.610 --> 00:16:20.110 Yeah. 288 00:16:21.850 --> 00:16:22.350 Yeah. 289 00:16:22.970 --> 00:16:28.910 Afraid of like, if you're if you're if you shine too brightly, you're gonna get daggers? 290 00:16:29.290 --> 00:16:35.015 Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm also used to anything that I say will be will be used against me 291 00:16:35.394 --> 00:16:37.255 Mhmm. In in the, 292 00:16:38.115 --> 00:16:39.975 family court of law. It's 293 00:16:40.755 --> 00:16:41.815 Mhmm. And 294 00:16:42.755 --> 00:16:45.735 there are there are several places where I just had to 295 00:16:46.150 --> 00:16:48.170 separate and do what I do 296 00:16:48.550 --> 00:16:50.730 and then realize how much 297 00:16:51.830 --> 00:16:53.450 I I've lived in my bubble 298 00:16:54.070 --> 00:16:54.570 and 299 00:16:59.355 --> 00:17:03.455 didn't realize how estranged we really were until my 300 00:17:03.834 --> 00:17:06.255 hometown newspaper that I used to deliver 301 00:17:06.635 --> 00:17:09.694 did this huge spread on me and my music 302 00:17:10.075 --> 00:17:11.775 when I released my first CD. 303 00:17:12.510 --> 00:17:15.150 They called and interviewed me all this stuff. And, 304 00:17:15.630 --> 00:17:17.890 my folks never said a word about it. 305 00:17:18.430 --> 00:17:19.970 Mhmm. And they got that newspaper. 306 00:17:20.349 --> 00:17:22.849 And I know they had to have everybody in town 307 00:17:23.150 --> 00:17:24.770 talking to them about it. 308 00:17:25.155 --> 00:17:25.655 And 309 00:17:27.155 --> 00:17:29.735 they went to their graves and they never said a word. 310 00:17:30.275 --> 00:17:31.735 And how did that make you feel? 311 00:17:32.195 --> 00:17:34.695 Like, I'm really sorry for you people. 312 00:17:35.475 --> 00:17:38.059 Mhmm. I'm really cool. And 313 00:17:38.519 --> 00:17:39.980 I'm doing this thing 314 00:17:40.360 --> 00:17:41.820 that is really cool. 315 00:17:42.279 --> 00:17:45.340 And you it was you paid for the lessons. 316 00:17:45.880 --> 00:17:46.380 You 317 00:17:47.960 --> 00:17:49.179 you set the little 318 00:17:49.495 --> 00:17:54.794 egg timer by the piano and made me, you know, mom could hear me when I try to speed it up. 319 00:17:55.414 --> 00:17:57.115 Set it back to the fence. 320 00:18:00.135 --> 00:18:03.355 This was it's and she went to all of our concerts, 321 00:18:03.780 --> 00:18:09.240 my sisters and mine, and she'd record them on her little cassette. She goes, this is for posterity. 322 00:18:09.700 --> 00:18:14.280 And, of course, we listen to posterity and we're, oh, that is so awful. 323 00:18:14.420 --> 00:18:19.945 How could we have thought we were so good? She I mean, she did all that stuff that nurtured us 324 00:18:20.485 --> 00:18:21.304 in that direction. 325 00:18:21.845 --> 00:18:23.785 And here's the crowning thing, 326 00:18:24.165 --> 00:18:27.865 but, you know, that Yeah. It's not received. 327 00:18:28.645 --> 00:18:29.545 And so, 328 00:18:30.870 --> 00:18:32.290 and and maybe maybe 329 00:18:32.670 --> 00:18:33.490 the the ongoing, 330 00:18:35.710 --> 00:18:37.170 they're gone. And 331 00:18:37.790 --> 00:18:38.290 the 332 00:18:38.590 --> 00:18:39.090 resolution 333 00:18:39.710 --> 00:18:41.250 wasn't didn't happen. 334 00:18:41.950 --> 00:18:44.610 And at the time, it was for self protection. 335 00:18:45.855 --> 00:18:51.395 And I thought one of the costs of this is going to be the times I wish I could 336 00:18:51.775 --> 00:18:52.515 speak again. 337 00:18:53.295 --> 00:18:54.675 And of course, it is. 338 00:18:55.215 --> 00:18:56.175 But I'm 339 00:18:58.020 --> 00:18:58.760 my process 340 00:18:59.220 --> 00:19:00.040 has been 341 00:19:01.380 --> 00:19:01.880 to 342 00:19:02.340 --> 00:19:06.920 celebrate things that for years I couldn't celebrate. Because I had to have 343 00:19:07.540 --> 00:19:11.240 I had to have a mindset that of protection and defense. 344 00:19:11.780 --> 00:19:12.600 And I 345 00:19:12.915 --> 00:19:14.695 I just have to keep that up. 346 00:19:15.475 --> 00:19:15.975 And 347 00:19:17.475 --> 00:19:18.535 now I find 348 00:19:18.915 --> 00:19:20.455 all these things that I celebrate. 349 00:19:21.555 --> 00:19:22.055 Yeah. 350 00:19:22.435 --> 00:19:23.575 So what so 351 00:19:26.030 --> 00:19:28.669 wait. Are you still doing so are you still doing the hiding thing? 352 00:19:28.669 --> 00:19:34.450 Are you still doing the protection thing? Or Yeah. Of of course. But I'm trying not to. 353 00:19:34.830 --> 00:19:37.169 And so what are you protecting against exactly? 354 00:20:02.930 --> 00:20:07.510 I would say until we were having this conversation, I didn't feel like I was trying to do it at all. 355 00:20:08.930 --> 00:20:10.710 So there is still 356 00:20:12.155 --> 00:20:14.414 there is still that in there. 357 00:20:15.115 --> 00:20:16.255 I live mostly 358 00:20:17.835 --> 00:20:19.054 in a place where 359 00:20:21.275 --> 00:20:22.174 let's see. 360 00:20:22.715 --> 00:20:23.215 Vulnerability, 361 00:20:29.320 --> 00:20:30.700 which I publicly 362 00:20:31.000 --> 00:20:32.140 say is a strength 363 00:20:33.480 --> 00:20:35.740 and privately feel as a 364 00:20:38.865 --> 00:20:39.365 target 365 00:20:42.865 --> 00:20:43.365 sometimes. 366 00:20:45.425 --> 00:20:47.045 I try to embrace, 367 00:20:48.705 --> 00:20:53.470 Emmanuel Cleaver was the mayor of Kansas City before I went to the senate the white, 368 00:20:54.190 --> 00:20:54.690 congress. 369 00:20:55.149 --> 00:20:56.289 And he would say, 370 00:20:57.470 --> 00:20:59.330 I tell the people in my church 371 00:20:59.950 --> 00:21:00.350 that, 372 00:21:00.750 --> 00:21:01.309 they're gonna 373 00:21:02.269 --> 00:21:04.690 I'm gonna fail 20% of the time. 374 00:21:05.554 --> 00:21:06.855 But the 80% 375 00:21:06.915 --> 00:21:09.815 is gonna make you is gonna wire you so much, 376 00:21:10.115 --> 00:21:11.095 you won't care. 377 00:21:12.355 --> 00:21:17.255 And and at the time that I heard him say that, I thought 20% is too much failure. 378 00:21:18.515 --> 00:21:19.015 That's 379 00:21:19.590 --> 00:21:22.410 that, you know, gives somebody a foothold for something. 380 00:21:22.950 --> 00:21:24.570 And then I thought, but 381 00:21:24.950 --> 00:21:26.490 when I looked at 382 00:21:26.790 --> 00:21:32.010 I would turns out that's what happened. We would try do things. 80% of it was great. 383 00:21:32.309 --> 00:21:34.809 And 20%, yeah, it's just not gonna happen. 384 00:21:35.225 --> 00:21:36.525 And I learned 385 00:21:37.145 --> 00:21:41.565 to accept that and actually celebrate it and quote it a lot. 386 00:21:42.025 --> 00:21:44.925 But there's a part of me that still wants a 100%. 387 00:21:45.465 --> 00:21:45.965 So 388 00:21:46.345 --> 00:21:49.200 so now So here's, like, what so what are you protecting against? 389 00:21:49.200 --> 00:21:55.380 Like, what's the thing that somebody could do or say that you would want want or need to protect yourself against? 390 00:22:25.530 --> 00:22:28.430 I think it's some way not being good enough. 391 00:22:29.075 --> 00:22:29.575 Mhmm. 392 00:22:30.995 --> 00:22:33.415 For for whom or for what? 393 00:23:02.155 --> 00:23:04.015 To be trying to be authentic 394 00:23:05.515 --> 00:23:07.934 and and and end up being inauthentic. 395 00:23:09.210 --> 00:23:09.710 Because, 396 00:23:37.070 --> 00:23:39.809 It really depends on the lens I'm looking through. 397 00:23:40.350 --> 00:23:40.850 Mhmm. 398 00:23:41.230 --> 00:23:45.330 We've got two grandchildren now, and I didn't get to have a grandpa. 399 00:23:45.790 --> 00:23:47.730 My Mhmm. They were all gone. 400 00:23:48.190 --> 00:23:48.690 And 401 00:23:49.710 --> 00:23:50.210 so 402 00:23:51.424 --> 00:23:52.085 I get 403 00:23:52.785 --> 00:23:57.924 to get to come up with my own way, I guess, which is related to what I would have wanted to have had. 404 00:24:01.985 --> 00:24:02.485 And 405 00:24:06.120 --> 00:24:11.420 when I'm yeah. How to be a long distance grandpa, I guess, is the harder part. When I'm present 406 00:24:11.720 --> 00:24:13.660 with him, that feels all natural 407 00:24:14.120 --> 00:24:15.980 and Mhmm. And good. 408 00:24:19.385 --> 00:24:22.925 And then that relates to my kids, who are their parents, 409 00:24:23.945 --> 00:24:27.565 and wanting to continue to have a good relationship with them, 410 00:24:28.585 --> 00:24:33.085 let them know what's going on with me, particularly health wise. 411 00:24:35.040 --> 00:24:35.940 And that feels, 412 00:24:36.400 --> 00:24:37.460 that feels good. 413 00:24:39.840 --> 00:24:42.500 They're both creative people in different ways. 414 00:24:43.280 --> 00:24:44.340 And we share 415 00:24:45.360 --> 00:24:45.860 common 416 00:24:47.985 --> 00:24:49.045 desire to 417 00:24:49.985 --> 00:24:51.445 be excellent at that. 418 00:24:54.145 --> 00:24:55.765 So how did this relate to 419 00:24:56.225 --> 00:24:58.725 being not good enough to whom? Is that? 420 00:25:00.400 --> 00:25:01.460 I don't know. 421 00:25:02.800 --> 00:25:03.540 That's okay. 422 00:25:04.240 --> 00:25:10.740 I I don't know how much of it is just a shadow that's, you know, a wraith that's hovering there 423 00:25:11.120 --> 00:25:12.500 that's, you know, 424 00:25:13.315 --> 00:25:14.375 it's not there, 425 00:25:14.755 --> 00:25:16.535 but it was. And so, 426 00:25:17.155 --> 00:25:20.295 you know, I'm boxing against this memory or something. 427 00:25:20.755 --> 00:25:23.975 Yeah. I mean, that's how that's how we that's how it works. Yeah. 428 00:25:24.995 --> 00:25:28.980 Yeah. So I mean, you mentioned you talked about being authentic or inauthentic 429 00:25:29.440 --> 00:25:32.340 as well. Right? And and so consider that 430 00:25:32.720 --> 00:25:35.620 if you are if you're trying to protect yourself from 431 00:25:36.400 --> 00:25:36.900 criticism 432 00:25:37.440 --> 00:25:41.540 or someone saying that you're not good enough or what you did wasn't good enough, 433 00:25:42.135 --> 00:25:42.635 right, 434 00:25:43.335 --> 00:25:45.755 what's that gonna do to your authenticity? 435 00:25:49.815 --> 00:25:54.395 In the past, when people have said that, I just thought this isn't for you. 436 00:25:55.390 --> 00:25:58.850 In in the moment, it's like Totally get it. You 437 00:25:59.310 --> 00:26:00.990 you That's when you're aware of it. Right? Yeah. 438 00:26:00.990 --> 00:26:03.870 And when it's right with you unconsciously, of course, you're gonna be a little guarded. 439 00:26:03.870 --> 00:26:07.090 And so you're gonna Yeah. Show up in a way that's not fully authentic. 440 00:26:07.565 --> 00:26:12.785 However, in some ways, it is authentic because it's, like, it's who you are with the unconscious programming. 441 00:26:12.845 --> 00:26:15.905 Right? So, like, how could you be any anything else? Right? 442 00:26:15.965 --> 00:26:19.505 So that's why it's, like, is it authentic? Is it inauthentic? Like like, 443 00:26:19.805 --> 00:26:23.050 whatever. It's just it's just how you show up in the moment. Right? 444 00:26:23.050 --> 00:26:26.270 That we don't like, it begins becomes a a meaningless distinction. 445 00:26:27.050 --> 00:26:30.910 But what I'm what I'd love to for you to to consider is, like, 446 00:26:31.450 --> 00:26:33.630 what does it mean to be not good enough? 447 00:26:49.095 --> 00:26:53.035 Well, that makes me what what's the standard? Who's measuring? 448 00:26:53.840 --> 00:26:54.900 Yeah. Who 449 00:26:56.160 --> 00:26:57.140 even more importantly, 450 00:26:57.600 --> 00:26:58.420 who cares? 451 00:26:58.960 --> 00:27:00.100 Exactly. In 452 00:27:00.800 --> 00:27:02.020 any given moment, 453 00:27:02.560 --> 00:27:04.660 could you be any different than you are? 454 00:27:05.360 --> 00:27:05.860 No. 455 00:27:06.480 --> 00:27:06.980 No. 456 00:27:08.000 --> 00:27:09.395 No. Oh, yeah. 457 00:27:09.695 --> 00:27:10.195 Yeah. 458 00:27:10.655 --> 00:27:11.155 Yeah. 459 00:27:12.335 --> 00:27:15.635 So there there's a whole lot about acceptance, and, 460 00:27:19.855 --> 00:27:20.915 it's like the 461 00:27:21.535 --> 00:27:23.340 the coyote runs through the 462 00:27:23.900 --> 00:27:30.240 the rock wall, you know, and there's a coyote shaped thing, and I'm still trying to fit into the coyote shaped thing. 463 00:27:30.860 --> 00:27:32.080 Yeah. Right. 464 00:27:33.419 --> 00:27:37.360 This is what we all do. Right? Yeah. This is what we all do. We've we've 465 00:27:38.294 --> 00:27:39.995 tried to live up up to these 466 00:27:40.615 --> 00:27:43.434 standards that came from wherever. And, like, 467 00:27:43.735 --> 00:27:46.075 we all had a version. Like, we all grow up 468 00:27:47.095 --> 00:27:54.430 subconsciously getting that, like, we need our parents to keep us safe, and so we try to guess at who they think who we think they want us to be. 469 00:27:54.430 --> 00:27:56.770 Right. Right. Right. And then we try to be that. 470 00:27:56.910 --> 00:28:01.790 And so if there's a rule that says, like, oh, this was good. This is bad. Then we're like, oh, shit. 471 00:28:01.790 --> 00:28:04.930 Like and then we make it about us. Like, oh, I'm bad. 472 00:28:05.245 --> 00:28:07.664 And so we get we get to run these patterns 473 00:28:08.284 --> 00:28:09.345 forever and ever. 474 00:28:10.044 --> 00:28:13.965 So how do we interrupt them? How do we interrupt those patterns? By seeing it. Right? 475 00:28:13.965 --> 00:28:16.125 But seeing by seeing the absurdity of it. 476 00:28:16.125 --> 00:28:23.480 Because, like, it's it's it's the difference between, like, oh, I'm not good enough or this wasn't good enough, so I gotta try harder. 477 00:28:24.660 --> 00:28:29.380 That just reinforces the lie that you're not good enough to begin with. Right. Right. 478 00:28:29.380 --> 00:28:33.560 Versus seeing, oh, not good enough is completely fucking meaningless. 479 00:28:36.125 --> 00:28:38.544 Because, a, who gets to decide? 480 00:28:39.245 --> 00:28:42.544 And, b, this is who I am in this moment. Mhmm. 481 00:28:43.005 --> 00:28:45.105 I can't change that right now. 482 00:28:55.900 --> 00:28:56.960 Yeah. Being 483 00:28:57.580 --> 00:28:58.080 recognizing 484 00:28:58.380 --> 00:29:00.000 I'm enough, being satisfied. 485 00:29:03.155 --> 00:29:06.215 Yeah. Or you're at least not not enough. 486 00:29:10.435 --> 00:29:11.415 Say that again. 487 00:29:11.795 --> 00:29:13.095 Yeah. So 488 00:29:14.840 --> 00:29:18.680 you can go when you if the story is I'm not enough Yeah. 489 00:29:18.760 --> 00:29:21.900 You can either go to the opposite, which is I am enough, 490 00:29:22.680 --> 00:29:23.820 or you can just 491 00:29:24.200 --> 00:29:30.755 say that not enough is a lie. So that's why I say you're not not enough. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Right. 492 00:29:30.895 --> 00:29:36.975 Because the thing is when you when you go the opposite, you're this is where affirmations come in, and we start just like, I am enough. 493 00:29:36.975 --> 00:29:43.455 But the more you say I am enough, the more you're kinda reinforcing that the only reason you say that is because you're underneath that you believe you're not. 494 00:29:43.455 --> 00:29:44.835 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. 495 00:29:45.230 --> 00:29:49.010 And so it's it's recognizing the fundamental lie that's running there. 496 00:29:50.350 --> 00:29:52.370 Uh-huh. Yep. That's good. 497 00:29:52.910 --> 00:29:53.410 Yeah. 498 00:29:55.550 --> 00:30:00.685 I have a friend who was reading her book. She was talking about a friend of hers 499 00:30:01.065 --> 00:30:05.885 who was getting all these rejection letters when applying for some program of study, 500 00:30:06.185 --> 00:30:09.245 and he finally sat down and wrote a rejection 501 00:30:09.785 --> 00:30:10.845 to all the rejecters. 502 00:30:12.590 --> 00:30:13.330 I'm sorry. 503 00:30:13.870 --> 00:30:17.169 I'm not able to accept your rejection at this time. 504 00:30:17.950 --> 00:30:24.029 Right. I love it. And then and I think he mailed them and sent them to all of them. Right. 505 00:30:24.029 --> 00:30:26.205 I'm sorry. I'm not able to reject your 506 00:30:26.765 --> 00:30:28.304 I have to reject your rejection. 507 00:30:32.205 --> 00:30:34.225 Bruno's, mate, I heard a story about a typesetter 508 00:30:34.605 --> 00:30:41.050 way years ago who got after twenty years of working for this company, he got fired, and then, like, he just kept showing up at work. 509 00:30:41.050 --> 00:30:45.610 And the boss comes in, and he's like, like, didn't you hear me on Friday? I said, you're fine. 510 00:30:45.610 --> 00:30:48.830 He's like, yeah. That was really scary. Never do that again. 511 00:30:55.635 --> 00:30:56.135 Yes. 512 00:30:59.875 --> 00:31:02.295 Yeah. That's good. That's good. Yeah. 513 00:31:02.675 --> 00:31:03.175 Yeah. 514 00:31:04.515 --> 00:31:07.850 Yeah. Screw not good enough. Same with your symphony. 515 00:31:07.990 --> 00:31:10.330 Your symphony's gonna be whatever it's gonna be. 516 00:31:11.030 --> 00:31:15.450 Mhmm. And maybe it's and it's gonna be good enough. It's gonna be what it is. 517 00:31:15.510 --> 00:31:22.855 And maybe your your friend your next door neighbor who commissioned it is gonna be, like, that doesn't fit my requirements. 518 00:31:22.855 --> 00:31:24.855 That's fine. Then we can deal with that. Yeah. 519 00:31:24.855 --> 00:31:28.695 But it's not a judgment on whether the symphony is good enough or not. 520 00:31:28.695 --> 00:31:30.235 It's not a judgment on whether 521 00:31:30.535 --> 00:31:32.155 Steve is good enough or not. 522 00:31:34.135 --> 00:31:34.635 Yeah. 523 00:31:41.260 --> 00:31:42.320 Because Steve is fucking 524 00:31:42.620 --> 00:31:43.120 Steve. 525 00:31:45.340 --> 00:31:47.520 Yes. And there's nobody else's business. 526 00:31:48.380 --> 00:31:48.880 Yeah. 527 00:31:49.340 --> 00:31:53.725 And there's nobody like him. There's no other fucking Steve, you 528 00:31:54.985 --> 00:31:56.525 Steve. Yeah. You're the one. 529 00:31:59.465 --> 00:32:01.565 That's fair. That's helpful. Thank you. 530 00:32:02.025 --> 00:32:02.525 Yeah. 531 00:32:03.630 --> 00:32:08.370 Yeah. Now I'm really noticing that my camera's doing all kinds of weird color stuff. 532 00:32:09.550 --> 00:32:12.590 It is. I don't know. Is this an aura thing? Or is 533 00:32:13.390 --> 00:32:14.930 I'm sure it is. Yes. 534 00:32:17.870 --> 00:32:18.370 Exactly. 535 00:32:18.750 --> 00:32:19.250 Yeah. 536 00:32:19.765 --> 00:32:23.625 And so, like, what is there to protect against? What is there to defend against? 537 00:32:24.085 --> 00:32:27.785 Right? People can say whatever the fuck they say. It has no doesn't mean anything. 538 00:32:27.925 --> 00:32:30.505 Just means that they say words. Mhmm. 539 00:32:32.165 --> 00:32:32.665 Yeah. 540 00:32:33.140 --> 00:32:35.400 And I need to stop being one of those people. 541 00:32:37.220 --> 00:32:41.080 That says words? Well, creating somebody who says those words. 542 00:32:41.540 --> 00:32:42.040 Oh. 543 00:32:44.020 --> 00:32:46.520 What I what I've done with my critic 544 00:32:47.195 --> 00:32:49.695 when I'm playing music is give them a job. 545 00:32:50.315 --> 00:32:55.455 Here's a clipboard. Here's a white coat. Go stand by the door. And I want you to take notes. 546 00:32:56.235 --> 00:32:57.695 But no running commentary. 547 00:32:59.355 --> 00:33:01.135 Yeah. I need to know what you observe, 548 00:33:01.650 --> 00:33:02.790 but not now. 549 00:33:03.250 --> 00:33:04.150 Mhmm. Yeah. And 550 00:33:04.450 --> 00:33:05.910 and that has worked 551 00:33:06.530 --> 00:33:07.990 in large portion 552 00:33:08.290 --> 00:33:08.790 of, 553 00:33:09.250 --> 00:33:10.550 oh, yeah. That happened. 554 00:33:11.090 --> 00:33:11.590 Mhmm. 555 00:33:12.050 --> 00:33:16.385 And Yeah. Now we're on the next thing. We have to continue the tune. 556 00:33:17.805 --> 00:33:20.145 Mhmm. Yeah. I did that. Yep. We did that. 557 00:33:20.685 --> 00:33:21.185 Mhmm. 558 00:33:22.605 --> 00:33:23.105 Yeah. 559 00:33:24.685 --> 00:33:24.925 And I 560 00:33:25.645 --> 00:33:29.820 as a as a parable of that, I this spring has been 561 00:33:30.279 --> 00:33:31.500 I have not been 562 00:33:32.520 --> 00:33:35.580 doing significant touring since before the pandemic. 563 00:33:36.360 --> 00:33:39.820 And this this whole year is full of that now. 564 00:33:40.279 --> 00:33:43.805 And so I was kicking off this big tour and, 565 00:33:45.545 --> 00:33:48.605 driving from Colorado to do a gig in Kansas, and then 566 00:33:48.985 --> 00:33:52.605 Arkansas, and then Missouri, and then back to a different place in Kansas. 567 00:33:53.065 --> 00:33:56.765 And I get to this festival, which is the anchor of the whole thing. 568 00:33:57.120 --> 00:34:02.240 And the night the night before it all starts, the guy calls and says, oh, I forgot to ask. 569 00:34:02.240 --> 00:34:05.300 Can you do an hour long concert tomorrow after lunch? 570 00:34:05.680 --> 00:34:09.679 And I said, yeah. Well, sure. I can do that. And I said, are other people playing? 571 00:34:09.679 --> 00:34:13.514 He goes, well, if you wanted to. And I thought, I I haven't even seen him since I've gotten here. 572 00:34:13.514 --> 00:34:14.574 I haven't asked. 573 00:34:14.875 --> 00:34:17.135 Blah blah. Okay. So I it's gonna be me. 574 00:34:17.514 --> 00:34:22.795 And and then I said, are you gonna interview are you gonna introduce me or start this off? 575 00:34:22.795 --> 00:34:28.190 He goes, oh, you want me to do that? I said, well, you're the host. Yeah. I would like that. 576 00:34:28.250 --> 00:34:33.790 So he does it, and then I walk up on steps on the steps and trip and fall down. 577 00:34:34.730 --> 00:34:36.989 And it and it's like, woah. 578 00:34:37.530 --> 00:34:38.989 That was not expected. 579 00:34:39.675 --> 00:34:40.175 And 580 00:34:41.275 --> 00:34:44.895 and it was it was a big clump, you know, a bam. 581 00:34:45.355 --> 00:34:51.215 And I wasn't hurt. And I got up and half the people are going, and the other people are going, 582 00:34:52.430 --> 00:34:54.050 they thought it was a planned fratfall. 583 00:34:56.590 --> 00:35:00.590 And I chose not to say anything about it. I just launched and went in. 584 00:35:00.590 --> 00:35:03.490 There were a couple people looking at me like, are you okay? 585 00:35:04.030 --> 00:35:09.275 And I just smiled at them and and nodded, and then did my did my gig. And 586 00:35:09.895 --> 00:35:12.635 it was like, where did that come from? 587 00:35:13.095 --> 00:35:16.075 And I know at other times, I would have spent a lot of time 588 00:35:16.615 --> 00:35:19.435 turning it into a pratfall or trying to, 589 00:35:19.869 --> 00:35:22.530 you know and I didn't do any of that. I just, 590 00:35:23.390 --> 00:35:25.970 well, can't undo that, can we? Right. 591 00:35:29.630 --> 00:35:33.010 So I would consider that to be a good response 592 00:35:33.950 --> 00:35:34.930 that was authentic. 593 00:35:35.735 --> 00:35:38.155 Yeah. You saw it. It happened. 594 00:35:38.615 --> 00:35:40.795 We're done. Let's do the next thing. 595 00:35:46.455 --> 00:35:48.075 Yeah. Cool. So, yeah. 596 00:35:49.335 --> 00:35:50.155 Good response. 597 00:35:52.380 --> 00:35:54.559 Yeah. So how's how's how does, 598 00:35:58.700 --> 00:36:02.480 the feeling not good enough. How does that relate to your succession plans? 599 00:36:06.565 --> 00:36:11.205 Well, in the past, when I've been able to do the succession thing, it's been 600 00:36:12.005 --> 00:36:13.865 and maybe that's where this is different. 601 00:36:14.245 --> 00:36:17.625 It's been clear, I'm ready for this to not do this. 602 00:36:18.405 --> 00:36:18.905 And 603 00:36:19.210 --> 00:36:20.430 you all are affected. 604 00:36:20.890 --> 00:36:28.430 It can we can either have a big bang and go out or you could continue it, then this will be an internship year and I'll show you what I've been doing. 605 00:36:28.810 --> 00:36:29.310 And 606 00:36:29.770 --> 00:36:33.790 for the festival I started, ran for ten years, that's what I did. 607 00:36:34.185 --> 00:36:34.685 And 608 00:36:35.145 --> 00:36:37.165 they took it over. I did everything 609 00:36:38.425 --> 00:36:39.165 very clearly 610 00:36:39.705 --> 00:36:40.765 so that they could 611 00:36:41.145 --> 00:36:42.925 take over become incorporated 612 00:36:43.305 --> 00:36:44.365 and take over 613 00:36:45.065 --> 00:36:46.445 and give them money 614 00:36:47.385 --> 00:36:54.700 that that was a part of the whole thing is this is this is the money I started with and you may have that, this amount. 615 00:36:55.400 --> 00:36:55.900 And 616 00:36:56.680 --> 00:36:58.380 so you're set up good. 617 00:36:59.080 --> 00:36:59.560 And, 618 00:37:00.040 --> 00:37:00.780 and then 619 00:37:01.400 --> 00:37:03.165 try to try to stay out of it. 620 00:37:03.725 --> 00:37:04.225 And 621 00:37:04.925 --> 00:37:05.665 I was 622 00:37:06.765 --> 00:37:12.545 they kept trying to they wouldn't take me off the email lists, and I kept getting, you know, messages. 623 00:37:12.605 --> 00:37:14.625 It's like, okay. Delete. Delete. Delete. And 624 00:37:15.565 --> 00:37:19.105 and then finally, the first they invited me to come back as a 625 00:37:19.539 --> 00:37:24.279 instructor and performer the next year, which is very kind of them. They didn't need to do that. 626 00:37:24.660 --> 00:37:31.559 And I was waiting for that shoe to drop where they weren't going to, and they, kept saying, you need to take me off these lists. 627 00:37:31.779 --> 00:37:32.680 And they didn't. 628 00:37:33.055 --> 00:37:37.155 And they were talking with each other about how they weren't inviting me this time. 629 00:37:37.615 --> 00:37:41.155 And and I thought part of me was like, oh, it's here. 630 00:37:41.455 --> 00:37:42.995 That's sad. And, 631 00:37:44.175 --> 00:37:46.350 by the way, you need to take me off your lists. 632 00:37:48.030 --> 00:37:52.830 And that's when it it struck them that, oh, we just we don't know. That's bad. 633 00:37:52.830 --> 00:37:56.210 We never so they scurried and got me. I didn't get any of those emails anymore. 634 00:37:56.590 --> 00:37:57.090 And 635 00:37:57.710 --> 00:38:02.724 and that was, you know, it was sad, but it was the child is launched, and it's gone. 636 00:38:03.025 --> 00:38:05.845 And they did all these things that made it way better 637 00:38:06.224 --> 00:38:11.520 than I could do. And it they took they said it took 17 of us to do what you were doing. 638 00:38:12.720 --> 00:38:16.260 And, well, of course, that's why you could do all this great stuff. And 639 00:38:16.560 --> 00:38:18.980 then they invited me to come back. And they started 640 00:38:19.760 --> 00:38:23.220 making that a rhythm that I would I would be an honorary, 641 00:38:23.680 --> 00:38:24.340 you know, 642 00:38:24.805 --> 00:38:26.585 Coloradan and keep coming back. 643 00:38:27.845 --> 00:38:31.145 This one, I'm not at that place of I'm done. 644 00:38:32.085 --> 00:38:35.065 I know I'm going to need to be done at some point. 645 00:38:35.525 --> 00:38:36.585 Mhmm. And 646 00:38:36.965 --> 00:38:37.785 this is 647 00:38:38.910 --> 00:38:41.250 what how to do the legal things. 648 00:38:42.910 --> 00:38:45.730 There there's all those kind of things and I have more 649 00:38:46.109 --> 00:38:49.410 invested in and I've talked to my kids about this. 650 00:38:49.790 --> 00:38:50.270 What, 651 00:38:51.790 --> 00:38:52.770 with my creative, 652 00:38:53.845 --> 00:38:54.425 you know, 653 00:38:58.085 --> 00:39:02.485 I don't right now I'm not thinking of the words I've used when I've talked with them. 654 00:39:02.485 --> 00:39:03.945 Creative output, copyrights, 655 00:39:04.805 --> 00:39:09.220 intellectual property, all that stuff. What, you know, what's your interest in this? 656 00:39:09.760 --> 00:39:10.660 Right. And, 657 00:39:13.040 --> 00:39:17.619 and that's, you know, that I wanted to start that a couple years ago so they could start thinking 658 00:39:18.720 --> 00:39:19.780 about that. 659 00:39:21.265 --> 00:39:23.445 So I'm in I'm in that in between 660 00:39:23.905 --> 00:39:25.045 it's kinda liminal. 661 00:39:25.345 --> 00:39:29.285 I'm in that in between place. It's not necessary. There's enough deadline, 662 00:39:29.905 --> 00:39:31.045 but there could be. 663 00:39:31.345 --> 00:39:34.705 So what are the things that you really enjoy that you wanna hold on to for now? 664 00:39:34.705 --> 00:39:36.484 And what are the things that you're, like, 665 00:39:36.940 --> 00:39:39.520 someone else can take that, and I'd be totally happy. 666 00:39:53.345 --> 00:39:55.125 Right now, I'm not gonna let go of anything. 667 00:39:56.705 --> 00:39:57.205 Alright. 668 00:39:57.985 --> 00:40:00.565 It part of it is because I feel 669 00:40:00.945 --> 00:40:04.725 I feel good about the systems we've put in place. I feel good about, 670 00:40:05.520 --> 00:40:07.460 I wanna make sure somebody else can 671 00:40:08.400 --> 00:40:09.860 understands what's happening. 672 00:40:10.400 --> 00:40:14.900 And when it comes time for some changes, I know there's gonna be 673 00:40:15.280 --> 00:40:15.780 that 674 00:40:16.240 --> 00:40:18.820 they're equipped to be able to do that and understand 675 00:40:19.280 --> 00:40:20.900 where everything came from. 676 00:40:21.225 --> 00:40:22.925 And then you make your changes. 677 00:40:24.105 --> 00:40:25.165 Mhmm. And 678 00:40:25.865 --> 00:40:27.005 but I this 679 00:40:28.345 --> 00:40:31.645 is this is kind of a legacy project. I want it to, 680 00:40:34.505 --> 00:40:35.885 it's been going great. 681 00:40:37.080 --> 00:40:40.940 And I want people to have the benefit of that. I know it's not for everybody, 682 00:40:41.560 --> 00:40:42.620 and that's okay. 683 00:40:45.080 --> 00:40:47.900 And people keep being surprised that we're here. 684 00:40:49.224 --> 00:40:52.444 Part of it's because they're new to the the dulcimer world. 685 00:40:53.625 --> 00:40:57.165 And that's probably the people we'll appeal to the most all along. 686 00:41:01.670 --> 00:41:07.610 What I would not like to have happened is what happened I was the first guitar teacher at jamplay.com 687 00:41:07.990 --> 00:41:10.010 back in the early two thousands. 688 00:41:10.710 --> 00:41:11.210 And 689 00:41:12.070 --> 00:41:14.250 right before the pandemic, they merged 690 00:41:14.870 --> 00:41:16.010 with TrueFire. 691 00:41:17.325 --> 00:41:17.825 And, 692 00:41:19.244 --> 00:41:19.905 and then 693 00:41:20.445 --> 00:41:23.345 it was the pandemic time, and then we all got to have 694 00:41:23.724 --> 00:41:25.905 TrueFire accounts as well. And 695 00:41:26.525 --> 00:41:27.905 and then TrueFire 696 00:41:29.490 --> 00:41:31.910 gradually pushed everybody out that was part of JamPlay. 697 00:41:32.450 --> 00:41:32.950 And, 698 00:41:34.530 --> 00:41:37.830 so I had I had status. I had longevity 699 00:41:38.450 --> 00:41:39.190 and history. 700 00:41:39.570 --> 00:41:43.110 And they appreciated that as we started it all up, 701 00:41:43.715 --> 00:41:44.935 our stuff in TrueFire. 702 00:41:45.395 --> 00:41:49.175 But then everybody that I had personal relationship with 703 00:41:49.875 --> 00:41:51.655 is out the door. And 704 00:41:53.395 --> 00:41:54.855 and that didn't feel 705 00:41:55.315 --> 00:41:58.055 didn't feel near as warm and friendly or as secure. 706 00:41:58.630 --> 00:41:59.850 Right. Yeah. Yeah. 707 00:42:01.350 --> 00:42:05.369 So you're not gonna do that? No. I don't yeah. I don't wanna do that. 708 00:42:05.670 --> 00:42:06.170 Yeah. 709 00:42:07.830 --> 00:42:08.330 Alright. 710 00:42:08.790 --> 00:42:09.190 So 711 00:42:10.390 --> 00:42:10.890 but 712 00:42:15.265 --> 00:42:16.085 they were 713 00:42:16.785 --> 00:42:21.285 they were way more successful than they ever thought they would be when they started it. 714 00:42:21.585 --> 00:42:22.085 Mhmm. 715 00:42:22.465 --> 00:42:25.285 Yeah. Which one? Jam or true? Jam plate. Well, true. 716 00:42:25.425 --> 00:42:29.690 They were different styles of things, so that's why it made sense for them to come together. 717 00:42:33.030 --> 00:42:34.330 Mhmm. Yeah. So 718 00:42:36.230 --> 00:42:36.730 So 719 00:42:38.070 --> 00:42:39.770 what's possible for 720 00:42:40.070 --> 00:42:42.490 Steve if he can never be not enough? 721 00:42:43.885 --> 00:42:45.105 Oh, disaster. 722 00:42:48.924 --> 00:42:50.944 But if I cannot be not enough, 723 00:42:52.845 --> 00:42:54.704 that's a helpful that's a helpful. 724 00:42:56.150 --> 00:42:58.410 I, I just reject binaries. 725 00:43:00.470 --> 00:43:03.850 If if there's only two options, they're hiding one at least. 726 00:43:04.150 --> 00:43:05.770 Mhmm. And probably two more. 727 00:43:06.070 --> 00:43:10.390 Mhmm. And so I like having the, kind of, the back flip off of the 728 00:43:11.565 --> 00:43:16.464 if they have a high wire line, there's either this or this. I like having the back flip to get off. 729 00:43:19.805 --> 00:43:22.785 Mhmm. Which is kind of Hegelian, by the way. 730 00:43:25.550 --> 00:43:26.610 The new thesis. 731 00:43:37.790 --> 00:43:38.510 I actually 732 00:43:39.635 --> 00:43:43.015 I feel much more comfortable and I'm I'm grateful 733 00:43:43.795 --> 00:43:45.015 to all of your mindset 734 00:43:45.395 --> 00:43:46.535 things and the 735 00:43:47.075 --> 00:43:47.575 I've 736 00:43:48.355 --> 00:43:52.295 I've shifted in ways I didn't think I could shift. Didn't didn't know was possible. 737 00:43:53.190 --> 00:43:55.210 And so I feel much more comfortable 738 00:43:55.990 --> 00:43:57.130 and less anxious 739 00:43:57.910 --> 00:43:59.369 about doing what I'm doing. 740 00:43:59.910 --> 00:44:00.890 Mhmm. And, 741 00:44:04.310 --> 00:44:05.849 feel like there's more possibility 742 00:44:06.230 --> 00:44:06.730 than 743 00:44:07.175 --> 00:44:09.515 for a lot of my life I lived 744 00:44:11.895 --> 00:44:13.835 more in a scarcity of possibility. 745 00:44:16.135 --> 00:44:18.795 Or I kind of secretly knew there was 746 00:44:19.230 --> 00:44:21.250 unlimited possibility, but then 747 00:44:21.869 --> 00:44:24.050 lived in the scarcity side of it. 748 00:44:24.830 --> 00:44:25.330 Yeah. 749 00:44:26.430 --> 00:44:26.930 So 750 00:44:27.390 --> 00:44:29.250 I'm I'm grateful for that. 751 00:44:30.990 --> 00:44:32.610 And I was looking at, 752 00:44:34.244 --> 00:44:36.585 Silas sent out the the new 753 00:44:38.325 --> 00:44:41.785 pitch or the website for the partner program 754 00:44:42.244 --> 00:44:42.744 yesterday. 755 00:44:43.204 --> 00:44:44.484 So I was looking through that. 756 00:44:44.484 --> 00:44:49.530 And I've always tried to think about who who do I know that might benefit. 757 00:44:49.750 --> 00:44:51.450 And I will mention mention 758 00:44:51.750 --> 00:44:53.210 some things to some people, 759 00:44:53.670 --> 00:44:55.969 but your video about the 760 00:44:56.630 --> 00:45:01.290 just talk to your people that you talk to and how might this help them 761 00:45:01.910 --> 00:45:02.410 was, 762 00:45:03.195 --> 00:45:06.015 you know and you were answering all the objections about 763 00:45:06.315 --> 00:45:09.375 this feels scammy, this feels bought, you know. 764 00:45:09.515 --> 00:45:14.175 You just do what you do and you and you're wanting other people to have the benefit of it. 765 00:45:14.475 --> 00:45:15.195 And that was 766 00:45:16.040 --> 00:45:17.339 that's still a challenge 767 00:45:17.960 --> 00:45:18.619 for me. 768 00:45:19.080 --> 00:45:21.980 But I think it was I still I think I was right. 769 00:45:22.440 --> 00:45:24.940 How that works into my daily flow 770 00:45:25.640 --> 00:45:26.140 is 771 00:45:26.680 --> 00:45:27.660 another question. 772 00:45:28.615 --> 00:45:32.715 But we're also trying to we're also activating an affiliate network 773 00:45:33.335 --> 00:45:34.715 for Dulcemer Crossing. 774 00:45:35.735 --> 00:45:36.875 And the way 775 00:45:37.655 --> 00:45:40.155 this is how how I do things. 776 00:45:40.615 --> 00:45:41.675 If there's something 777 00:45:41.975 --> 00:45:46.119 that I want to offer to somebody else, I have to go through it as a customer 778 00:45:46.980 --> 00:45:49.559 first in order to learn it from their side. 779 00:45:49.940 --> 00:45:50.599 And then 780 00:45:52.180 --> 00:45:57.000 and so I was just actually this morning going through some of the links 781 00:45:58.134 --> 00:46:00.154 to all the things behind that. 782 00:46:00.535 --> 00:46:03.515 Because we've invited people and there's a lot of people who suggest, 783 00:46:03.894 --> 00:46:08.075 now we have to provide it to them and they're gonna have a lot of questions. 784 00:46:08.375 --> 00:46:11.994 So looking at, oh, well, these are a lot of good answers to those questions. 785 00:46:12.579 --> 00:46:15.559 And they're gonna be independent of what the topic is. 786 00:46:15.940 --> 00:46:17.720 They're gonna be all about the mechanics. 787 00:46:18.579 --> 00:46:19.079 Okay. 788 00:46:19.540 --> 00:46:21.799 That makes that possible to get that done. 789 00:46:22.500 --> 00:46:23.000 Mhmm. 790 00:46:24.099 --> 00:46:24.599 Cool. 791 00:46:25.895 --> 00:46:28.075 Alright, Steve. What do you take with you from today? 792 00:46:29.335 --> 00:46:30.155 I am 793 00:46:31.015 --> 00:46:32.795 I am not not enough. 794 00:46:33.494 --> 00:46:34.635 That's fucking right. 795 00:46:35.415 --> 00:46:36.155 That's right. 796 00:46:37.175 --> 00:46:37.675 Yeah. 797 00:46:38.135 --> 00:46:38.635 Yeah. 798 00:46:40.359 --> 00:46:43.260 And I think I mean, I'll call Paul when he's back in The States. 799 00:46:44.119 --> 00:46:47.340 Yeah. I mean, you can I mean, they they have phones in Australia? 800 00:46:47.400 --> 00:46:51.020 Well, it's They probably have, like, even, like, Space Time 801 00:46:51.320 --> 00:46:52.460 audio or whatever. 802 00:46:52.885 --> 00:46:54.425 Yes. They do. I know. 803 00:46:56.085 --> 00:46:57.465 Yeah. We could do that. 804 00:46:58.485 --> 00:46:59.385 I'm just saying. 805 00:47:00.165 --> 00:47:00.665 Possible. 806 00:47:01.445 --> 00:47:03.365 He is in the Outback a lot. But 807 00:47:07.460 --> 00:47:11.480 Yeah. You might even have Starlink down there. Who knows? Yeah. 808 00:47:11.940 --> 00:47:12.760 I don't know. 809 00:47:13.859 --> 00:47:14.359 Yeah. 810 00:47:15.380 --> 00:47:18.520 Give him a call. Tell him it'll be done by the end of the week. 811 00:47:22.065 --> 00:47:25.125 Oh, that's a deadline I'm not gonna put in the comments. 812 00:47:25.665 --> 00:47:27.045 Give myself this week. 813 00:47:28.865 --> 00:47:31.205 How long is it gonna take you if you focus on it? 814 00:47:31.585 --> 00:47:33.025 I'll have to get it back out. 815 00:47:33.025 --> 00:47:37.819 I know that the last time I got it back out, what was missing was all the percussion stuff. 816 00:47:38.359 --> 00:47:39.319 K. So 817 00:47:39.799 --> 00:47:42.780 Just throw some drums in there. It's fine. Yep. Just 818 00:47:43.319 --> 00:47:46.780 drums with a slash and two dots. Drum slash two dots. 819 00:47:50.484 --> 00:47:50.984 Yeah. 820 00:47:52.244 --> 00:47:56.585 And actually, that should be my I should get it out and look at the percussion parts. 821 00:47:56.885 --> 00:47:57.385 Yeah. 822 00:47:58.005 --> 00:48:00.244 Sounds like a plan. Yeah. Yeah. 823 00:48:00.244 --> 00:48:04.505 Can we just agree if if it's been twenty six years, it's not because you haven't had time. 824 00:48:10.630 --> 00:48:12.569 Yes. I I I will 825 00:48:12.950 --> 00:48:14.329 I will accept that. 826 00:48:16.789 --> 00:48:17.289 Yeah. 827 00:48:17.990 --> 00:48:18.490 Yeah. 828 00:48:23.405 --> 00:48:29.825 So funny when we end up spending more time thinking about something or talking about something rather than just fucking doing it. 829 00:48:31.405 --> 00:48:38.050 But I know that I have back burners for a reason because there's things that simmer, and they get better when they simmer. 830 00:48:38.050 --> 00:48:41.430 Oh, for sure. Yeah. That's fine. Twenty six years. It's a long simmer. 831 00:48:42.450 --> 00:48:46.870 You could you could also that pot might have burned up a long time. 832 00:48:47.330 --> 00:48:49.035 Right. I should check on it. 833 00:48:49.595 --> 00:48:53.674 Yeah. And, you know, yeah, if you never finish, you never find out it wasn't good enough, you know? 834 00:48:53.674 --> 00:48:56.015 So I get it. Yeah. 835 00:48:57.994 --> 00:49:02.280 Yeah. We better find out. I remember coaching a guy years ago who wanted to write a novel. 836 00:49:02.280 --> 00:49:04.840 And, like, when we dug in there, it was like he's he'd never got it done. 837 00:49:04.840 --> 00:49:11.500 And the reason he didn't get it done is, like, as long as he didn't write it, he didn't risk finding out he was a shitty shitty writer. 838 00:49:11.800 --> 00:49:14.540 And so he could keep the dream alive of being a writer. 839 00:49:18.015 --> 00:49:21.075 Without the shitty app appellation at the beginning. 840 00:49:27.775 --> 00:49:29.154 Yeah. Yeah, man. 841 00:49:30.430 --> 00:49:32.050 Yeah. Yeah. Thank you. 842 00:49:33.230 --> 00:49:33.730 Yeah. 843 00:49:34.270 --> 00:49:34.770 So 844 00:49:35.390 --> 00:49:35.890 yeah. 845 00:49:37.070 --> 00:49:39.090 No not good enough. No shame. 846 00:49:40.190 --> 00:49:40.930 No shame. 847 00:49:42.670 --> 00:49:43.170 Yep. 848 00:49:44.030 --> 00:49:44.530 Yeah. 849 00:49:45.695 --> 00:49:47.155 It's not a thing because 850 00:49:47.615 --> 00:49:49.395 you can't be any different than you are. 851 00:49:54.815 --> 00:49:57.555 So I guess I shall be who I are. 852 00:49:59.130 --> 00:49:59.630 Yes. 853 00:50:01.210 --> 00:50:02.910 It's a good start. Yep. 854 00:50:03.450 --> 00:50:03.950 Yeah. 855 00:50:04.490 --> 00:50:04.990 Yeah. 856 00:50:06.730 --> 00:50:08.349 Enjoy it. Celebrate it. 857 00:50:09.450 --> 00:50:10.670 Yes. Yeah. 858 00:50:12.295 --> 00:50:13.835 With everything that 859 00:50:16.214 --> 00:50:16.714 goes 860 00:50:19.095 --> 00:50:19.595 into 861 00:50:21.975 --> 00:50:22.475 that. 862 00:50:24.855 --> 00:50:26.235 And maybe young Steve, 863 00:50:28.280 --> 00:50:28.780 That 864 00:50:29.320 --> 00:50:33.100 that the little boy that lives in you needs a hug from time to time. 865 00:50:34.920 --> 00:50:35.420 Yes. 866 00:50:36.120 --> 00:50:38.540 Just to know that he's not not enough. 867 00:50:49.535 --> 00:50:52.195 You know, when you say that, the thing I'm thinking of is 868 00:50:52.575 --> 00:50:53.555 I always knew 869 00:50:55.010 --> 00:50:56.630 that I was not not enough. 870 00:50:57.170 --> 00:50:59.910 Mhmm. I just knew that they didn't know it. 871 00:51:00.210 --> 00:51:03.270 Yeah. And I wasn't gonna bring it as a topic of discussion. 872 00:51:04.369 --> 00:51:04.869 Yeah. 873 00:51:07.935 --> 00:51:13.075 I I always knew that my interior life was more real than what was being I was presenting. 874 00:51:13.935 --> 00:51:14.435 Yeah. 875 00:51:15.775 --> 00:51:16.275 Yeah. 876 00:51:17.135 --> 00:51:22.195 So maybe it's time to let that light shine a little so other people can see it. 877 00:51:29.310 --> 00:51:34.850 That's a I'm gonna ponder what that might look like because it feels I feel like I have been. 878 00:51:35.390 --> 00:51:35.890 Mhmm. 879 00:51:38.005 --> 00:51:40.025 But it sounds like maybe I haven't. 880 00:51:40.885 --> 00:51:46.025 I mean, you I'm just reflecting what you told me. Yeah. That's what I mean. Yeah. Yeah. 881 00:51:46.405 --> 00:51:46.905 Right. 882 00:51:47.685 --> 00:51:48.185 And, 883 00:51:49.299 --> 00:51:56.019 yeah, it's like I mean, what what it sounds like to me is for that little boy, he he he felt like it wasn't safe to be him. 884 00:51:56.019 --> 00:52:00.039 It wasn't safe to shine. Oh, that's for sure. Fully him. Right? Yeah. 885 00:52:00.500 --> 00:52:01.319 And so 886 00:52:01.865 --> 00:52:04.025 that becomes a pattern that just becomes ingrained. 887 00:52:04.025 --> 00:52:06.845 Like, oh, like, it's not safe to be fully me, and 888 00:52:07.944 --> 00:52:11.405 and that's no longer true. It might have been true then, but it's no longer true. 889 00:52:16.345 --> 00:52:17.484 And even if it 890 00:52:17.840 --> 00:52:20.420 ruffles some feathers with your kids or grandkids. 891 00:52:21.840 --> 00:52:22.580 You know. 892 00:52:23.520 --> 00:52:26.340 I'm the grandpa so I could be the old crusty guy. 893 00:52:28.400 --> 00:52:30.740 Or the old or the old, you know, 894 00:52:31.795 --> 00:52:34.295 happy guy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. 895 00:52:34.755 --> 00:52:37.415 Or you can just be the old you can just be fucking you. 896 00:52:39.075 --> 00:52:39.975 Other than Rick. 897 00:52:42.435 --> 00:52:43.335 You're so 898 00:52:43.715 --> 00:52:45.095 so sweet and so lovable. 899 00:52:46.590 --> 00:52:50.130 Great sense of humor. Great self awareness. Great. 900 00:52:52.910 --> 00:52:56.690 What is it called? When you, like, you just you can laugh at yourself. You know? And, 901 00:52:58.430 --> 00:52:58.930 yeah. 902 00:53:00.190 --> 00:53:00.690 Yeah. 903 00:53:01.055 --> 00:53:03.715 So those are great great, great qualities, and just 904 00:53:04.735 --> 00:53:05.635 make sure to 905 00:53:06.735 --> 00:53:08.755 really make make the young Steve 906 00:53:09.055 --> 00:53:12.195 feel invited, feel held, and feel part of the journey. 907 00:53:18.740 --> 00:53:22.520 Yeah. I wrote a I wrote a song called Daddy Won't You Carry Me? 908 00:53:23.300 --> 00:53:24.760 Being the oldest child, 909 00:53:26.020 --> 00:53:27.800 I wanted to be carried to bed, 910 00:53:28.660 --> 00:53:34.464 and I got too big. You know? And there were younger sisters who needed carried, and I could walk. 911 00:53:35.404 --> 00:53:36.865 And and so I 912 00:53:38.285 --> 00:53:41.345 I was going through this, and it was it was the first really 913 00:53:42.444 --> 00:53:46.065 strongly emotional song, writing from the emotional side 914 00:53:46.800 --> 00:53:47.940 and telling the story. 915 00:53:48.400 --> 00:53:49.460 And then I got 916 00:53:49.840 --> 00:53:53.380 I had this period where I had to wait in the middle of it to figure out 917 00:53:54.080 --> 00:53:55.300 what was gonna happen. 918 00:53:56.000 --> 00:53:58.580 And then I realized, oh, we go to the bridge 919 00:53:58.925 --> 00:54:02.065 and it's reversed, and he's in the bed so far away. 920 00:54:02.765 --> 00:54:08.865 Strokes, we can't I have to be the only one who talks. And Mhmm. And, then it's his time. 921 00:54:09.805 --> 00:54:13.345 And so the chorus now becomes daddy won't you carry him 922 00:54:14.030 --> 00:54:15.410 upstairs to his bed. 923 00:54:16.190 --> 00:54:18.210 But before that, the transformative 924 00:54:18.750 --> 00:54:19.250 moment 925 00:54:19.710 --> 00:54:21.250 was reeling realizing 926 00:54:22.910 --> 00:54:23.410 remembering 927 00:54:24.109 --> 00:54:24.849 I'm daddy, 928 00:54:25.470 --> 00:54:28.930 and I could and did carry my kids. 929 00:54:29.525 --> 00:54:33.145 And as I did, of course, that meant I was carrying me. 930 00:54:33.845 --> 00:54:35.225 Yeah. And the story, 931 00:54:36.005 --> 00:54:39.865 art can change the physical experience of what happened 932 00:54:40.725 --> 00:54:41.385 to become 933 00:54:42.480 --> 00:54:47.060 realizing big boys need some assurance too and that's something daddies can do. 934 00:54:48.000 --> 00:54:49.940 Is the Wow. Is the 935 00:54:50.480 --> 00:54:52.740 term. That's so beautiful. And that, 936 00:54:53.360 --> 00:54:55.140 I just I mean, and then I couldn't 937 00:54:55.600 --> 00:54:57.220 ever sing it without bawling. 938 00:54:57.705 --> 00:54:59.645 And I get to the recording studio 939 00:55:00.425 --> 00:55:00.825 and, 940 00:55:02.345 --> 00:55:05.885 first take, you know, I'm crying through the end of it. And 941 00:55:06.185 --> 00:55:08.845 my buddy, who is the recording engineer, says 942 00:55:10.025 --> 00:55:13.165 you're gonna have a problem. I know you're gonna have a problem. 943 00:55:13.760 --> 00:55:14.579 Because that 944 00:55:15.280 --> 00:55:17.700 is the most powerful possible take. 945 00:55:18.240 --> 00:55:20.819 And you're not going to want it to go into the world. 946 00:55:23.280 --> 00:55:23.780 So 947 00:55:24.480 --> 00:55:27.375 I still think it's the best, but let's go on and 948 00:55:27.775 --> 00:55:29.155 let's do a couple more. 949 00:55:29.775 --> 00:55:30.595 Mhmm. And 950 00:55:31.135 --> 00:55:34.515 we did one that was kind of dry and one that was on the cusp. 951 00:55:35.215 --> 00:55:37.395 And I realized that's the one I chose 952 00:55:37.775 --> 00:55:38.275 because 953 00:55:38.975 --> 00:55:41.715 I wanted to invite people to have their own experience, 954 00:55:42.260 --> 00:55:44.040 not observe me having mine. 955 00:55:44.579 --> 00:55:45.079 Mhmm. 956 00:55:45.460 --> 00:55:47.000 It's fine for them to see, 957 00:55:47.300 --> 00:55:53.955 but I didn't want that to be away from them coming into their own experience of it, which for me was 958 00:55:55.155 --> 00:55:56.855 the pure artistic moment. 959 00:55:57.715 --> 00:55:58.215 Mhmm. 960 00:55:58.515 --> 00:55:59.655 How old are your grandkids? 961 00:56:00.195 --> 00:56:02.375 They're 3.5 and six months. 962 00:56:02.835 --> 00:56:03.335 Mhmm. 963 00:56:03.635 --> 00:56:04.935 Wow. So sweet. 964 00:56:06.515 --> 00:56:09.750 Yeah. And what are they? What what are they? Boy or girl? 965 00:56:10.070 --> 00:56:12.010 Boy a girl in, Toronto 966 00:56:13.190 --> 00:56:15.050 and, a boy in Portland, 967 00:56:15.750 --> 00:56:19.750 Oregon. Yeah. Which is which is which is the six of the or what was it? 968 00:56:19.750 --> 00:56:25.305 Oh, the two the new one's in Toronto, six months. And And he's a boy. It's a boy? That's a girl. 969 00:56:25.525 --> 00:56:28.325 That's a girl. Okay. And then Winter's 3.5, 970 00:56:28.325 --> 00:56:28.825 and 971 00:56:29.445 --> 00:56:30.585 he's in Portland. 972 00:56:31.205 --> 00:56:34.985 And he was what did you say? Six years old or five years? He's 3.5. 973 00:56:35.090 --> 00:56:36.390 3.5 is what you said. 974 00:56:36.770 --> 00:56:37.830 Yeah. Yeah. Okay. 975 00:56:38.610 --> 00:56:41.990 So, yeah, what I'm getting at is, like, every time that you that you hold 976 00:56:42.450 --> 00:56:42.950 him, 977 00:56:43.410 --> 00:56:47.954 just picture that you're also holding little Steve Yeah. In the same 978 00:56:49.055 --> 00:56:49.555 time. 979 00:56:50.655 --> 00:56:52.194 Yeah. Yeah. That's good. 980 00:56:53.615 --> 00:56:54.115 Yeah. 981 00:56:55.694 --> 00:56:57.155 Could leave it. Use a little 982 00:56:58.575 --> 00:56:59.474 a little carrying, 983 00:56:59.934 --> 00:57:00.915 a little holding. 984 00:57:01.859 --> 00:57:02.359 Yeah. 985 00:57:10.579 --> 00:57:12.119 Well, this feels like a boost, 986 00:57:12.420 --> 00:57:13.160 like being, 987 00:57:14.420 --> 00:57:15.795 held and carried, so 988 00:57:16.275 --> 00:57:17.255 I appreciate that. 989 00:57:17.875 --> 00:57:18.375 Yeah. 990 00:57:18.755 --> 00:57:20.615 Yeah. He deserves that. He's so 991 00:57:21.954 --> 00:57:23.015 such a precious, 992 00:57:23.635 --> 00:57:24.135 creative, 993 00:57:25.954 --> 00:57:26.454 smart, 994 00:57:29.430 --> 00:57:31.369 honest, authentic little boy. 995 00:57:42.075 --> 00:57:43.775 And he was never not enough. 996 00:57:51.994 --> 00:57:52.494 Yeah. 997 00:58:24.819 --> 00:58:27.000 So this must be why I said yes. 998 00:58:28.579 --> 00:58:29.720 Right. Exactly. 999 00:58:30.900 --> 00:58:31.400 Yeah. 1000 00:58:32.980 --> 00:58:36.680 Yeah. Yeah. You can also take him with you on stage every time we perform. 1001 00:58:41.025 --> 00:58:42.885 Maybe he's the one that tripped me. 1002 00:58:44.545 --> 00:58:45.445 Exactly. Yeah. 1003 00:58:49.745 --> 00:58:50.485 Yeah. Or 1004 00:58:51.060 --> 00:58:54.440 or maybe he was tripping, and I fell to keep it from getting hurt. 1005 00:58:54.900 --> 00:58:56.520 You know? Yeah. Who knows? 1006 00:58:57.140 --> 00:58:57.640 Yeah. 1007 00:58:59.140 --> 00:58:59.640 Yeah. 1008 00:59:06.475 --> 00:59:06.975 Yeah. 1009 00:59:07.515 --> 00:59:09.615 So as you're playing, you know, just be like, 1010 00:59:09.995 --> 00:59:13.295 talk to him and be like, look at all these people and how much they appreciate 1011 00:59:13.675 --> 00:59:14.335 your creativity 1012 00:59:14.635 --> 00:59:17.055 and your the music that's in you. 1013 00:59:18.180 --> 00:59:18.680 And, 1014 00:59:18.980 --> 00:59:19.640 you know, 1015 00:59:20.819 --> 00:59:24.040 the the acknowledgment he didn't get from his parents 1016 00:59:24.740 --> 00:59:25.800 while they're alive, 1017 00:59:26.420 --> 00:59:30.119 make sure he gets that from you and that he receives it from all of those people. 1018 00:59:36.275 --> 00:59:39.335 It really feels much better to be at this point 1019 00:59:39.795 --> 00:59:40.695 in my life 1020 00:59:41.715 --> 00:59:43.575 than trying to do this earlier. 1021 00:59:44.515 --> 00:59:45.015 Mhmm. 1022 00:59:46.980 --> 00:59:47.480 Because 1023 00:59:51.140 --> 00:59:53.400 I just had a weekend in Albuquerque 1024 00:59:54.180 --> 00:59:56.520 with workshops and a concert in the middle. 1025 00:59:57.220 --> 01:00:00.920 And most festivals don't give you much concert time. 1026 01:00:01.505 --> 01:00:05.025 You get, you know, two songs or ten minutes or something like that. 1027 01:00:05.025 --> 01:00:06.965 And this was an hour long concert, 1028 01:00:07.585 --> 01:00:11.605 which is not, you know, a whole evening, but you know, that's pretty good. 1029 01:00:12.545 --> 01:00:13.045 And 1030 01:00:14.609 --> 01:00:16.630 having not done that a lot 1031 01:00:17.650 --> 01:00:19.190 since before the pandemic, 1032 01:00:20.049 --> 01:00:24.470 getting into that rhythm and realizing, yeah, I have a lot of experience with this. 1033 01:00:24.930 --> 01:00:29.885 Mhmm. I can keep an eye on the clock. I can keep an eye on what's going on emotionally, 1034 01:00:30.744 --> 01:00:33.325 an energetic level in the room. 1035 01:00:34.825 --> 01:00:38.920 I have some things I want to do, but I'm open to what 1036 01:00:39.860 --> 01:00:41.640 else might be popping up 1037 01:00:42.100 --> 01:00:44.360 that could be a better response to this moment 1038 01:00:44.820 --> 01:00:45.720 than what I've 1039 01:00:46.260 --> 01:00:46.760 foreseen. 1040 01:00:51.744 --> 01:00:54.885 And keep the energy motion, you know, the 1041 01:00:55.505 --> 01:00:58.085 flow of what I'm looking for in terms 1042 01:00:58.785 --> 01:01:03.125 of energy and engagement. And when are they listening, when are we engaging together. 1043 01:01:03.905 --> 01:01:06.490 You know, just all of that I can 1044 01:01:07.190 --> 01:01:10.329 it's not me, it's a wave and I can ride the wave. 1045 01:01:10.710 --> 01:01:11.210 And 1046 01:01:11.750 --> 01:01:13.290 catch the right one. 1047 01:01:14.470 --> 01:01:17.450 And even if there's a whoops, you know, 1048 01:01:18.230 --> 01:01:20.089 and I go ass over tea kettle, 1049 01:01:21.285 --> 01:01:22.744 It'll be part of the experience, 1050 01:01:23.285 --> 01:01:25.545 and that'll be that'll be fine. 1051 01:01:26.085 --> 01:01:26.585 Mhmm. 1052 01:01:27.125 --> 01:01:27.625 Yeah. 1053 01:01:28.244 --> 01:01:29.385 Amazing, man. 1054 01:01:29.925 --> 01:01:33.145 Thank you so much, Steve. It's beautiful to connect with you again. 1055 01:01:33.650 --> 01:01:38.950 Yes. Thank you too. To you, both the adult, the grandpa Steve, and the little little boy Steve. 1056 01:01:39.170 --> 01:01:41.830 He's very much alive in you. It's very it's very clear. 1057 01:01:42.130 --> 01:01:42.630 Yeah. 1058 01:01:42.930 --> 01:01:43.670 So you're 1059 01:01:44.770 --> 01:01:47.750 amazing. Yeah. Well, thank you for receiving him. 1060 01:01:49.173 --> 01:01:49.673 Absolutely.